Discussion Topic
What is the most difficult thing about being a single parent?
Posted on 04/09/08, 02:08 pm
Give us an idea of how we can support you.
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Reply #11 05/18/08 3:10am
The hardest thing about being a single mom... I think the financial difficulty impacts everything. When I became a single mom I was 20 and the hardest thing for me was to live my life for someone else. I could no longer spontaneously get and and go and none of my friends had kids so I was suddenly alone. I didn't have a college education so I was stuck working long hours for minimal pay doing whatever I could while trying to get through school. Then there was daycare and that was a horrible experience because no matter what the ad says no one ever truly loves your child, they are just doing it for the money and it is the worst feeling in the world to see your happy little baby become sad and withdrawn because they are not getting the care they need and deserve. I have sacrificed everything for my child and it has never seemed to be enough because there is so much I couldn't give her. Swimming lessons, piano lessons, dance classes, sleep overs, new clothes, well-rounded meals... Trying to find my one and only true love while working grave yard and toting around a seven year old in our little house that has no electricity because there is something wrong with the wiring. Everything is hard about being a single parent but it all might have been alleviated if I had not had to struggle for each and every penny. I longed to get quality therapy with a real psychologist who would actually listen and understand and not try to put me on some kind of medication right off the bat. I longed to stay out all night with a romantic lover and not have to run off after just a few hours to go back to being a mom. I longed to hang out and drink some beers with my girlfriends and laugh and be carefree and easy. But the worst part of it all is making mistakes out of desperation and stress and watching it come back to me through my daughter's problem solving strategies, words, and behaviors. My daughter is ten now and I don't know who she is and she doesn't know who I am. We have been so caught up in surviving that we forgot to just spend time with and love one another. I think that is the most tragic thing about my single parenting experience. -
Reply #12 05/24/08 11:40pm
The best part of being a single mother is realizing that I am not alone and I look up to others that are going through the same thing. I have a 15 month old son and a 3 month old daughter. My biggest challenge is that my children are only a year apart and they both really need nuturing. Its not that they are into their "independent" stage where they don't want to be around their mom. My childrens' father did not want to be a part of our lives. He was married for 10 years and his wife left him for another man. He is verbally abusive and is not at all nice to me. After I had my daughter he called me a fat bi***t**c**h and told me to get a lifetime membership to curves with the child support money. If it was up to me, I would never care to see him ever again. But I would never do that to our children. They need their dad just as much as they need their mother. I want them to be able to form their own opinion of their father. If they decide later on in life as they get older that they don't want him in their lives, I want that decision to be theirs. I don't want them ever blaming me for not allowing them the chose of getting to know their father. Its just very difficult having to work a full days work and feeling like your neglecting your children. I feel like I am not giving them enough of my time. I know even married people probably feel the same way, I am just adding extra pressure to myself as I am only one and don't have their father to give me a hand.
On weekends when he decides to come to my house to visit, all he is ever interested in is either sleeping on the couch or trying to get me to have sex with him. Obviously he didn't learn anything....as he does not need to have any responsibilty. He can come and go as he pleases. He is 38 and I am 32. When my son was first born he thought he would be nice and get up with my son at his 6am feeding as I was up all night with him. He told me to stay in bed and he would take care of him. Needless to say, my son was still crying and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Here he left him on the changing table, with no diaper on and he went downstairs to get a bottle. I got up to find my child laying there naked and helpless. I got him dressed and put him in his crib. I went down to see what the problem was and he decided he was hungry and thirsty.
I rather be alone and raise my 2 children by myself than be with someone who treats me badly and does not care about anyone but himself. I tried at the beginning to make things work, but we just aren't meant to be together. I love my kids and would love to meet someone someday. But right now I am happy with my life and if I meet someone that would be great and if not that is ok. I know I deserve someone much better and the best advice I could give to all of the single moms out there is: Realize that you are worth so much more and deserving to be treated right. Life is way to short to spend time with someone not worth it. Wouldn't you rather spend your happy moments with your children rather than arguing over who is going to take out the trash?? All I am trying to get at, is if someone isn't making you happy why waste your time. Your child(ren) will see this. I used to think, that I need to marry this guy because we had children together. But if we don't treat each other with respect and we can't live together, why have your children see that?? Wouldn't you rather try to be civil about things and work things out on a friend to friend basis? Girls, we are so much more worth than you give yourselves credit for. We need to find happiness with ourselves before we can find happiness with someone else. There are good men out there, we just have to find them. So go on out there and be yourself and the right one may just be right at your fingertips!!
Keep your chins up and just take care of those SweetPeas........the rest will fall into place! -
Reply #13 05/26/08 4:56am
The worst thing about being a single parent is feeling like their is no one to talk to because every one around me is either married or in a relationship and they don't know how it feels because they aren't alone. -
Reply #14 05/26/08 2:35pm
The difficult thing about being a single parent to me telling myself that I can replace there father I can give them that same love as a father and I cant when they see other kids run up to there fathers and say daddy it hurts because they feel like the other kids are better than them. I try to be strong for my two babys. and try the best way I can to guide them but it just feels as if thats not good enought. I work extra hard because I'm a single mother. And I'm tired. but when you have no one else to help you your not allowed to be Tired. just find the strenght to wake up and do it all againe in the moring. -
Reply #15 05/27/08 10:59am
yeah m2 sumt wish i had the suport of a parner 2 help make decisions...
feelin lonely and dealin with everyt urself 247. -
Reply #16 05/29/08 9:52am
Hardest part? Doing the work of two or three people, having to budget child care anytime I need to work, not getting child support, lol.... Just *being* a single parent. That said - I LOVE being a single mom! I left my ex when my son was 6 weeks old and I adore getting to be the sole decision maker. Yes, it is scary responsibility, but I trust my own instincts and research much more than anyone else's. I know how much I love my son and that i put him first in our lives, so I'm not worried too much about making bad choices. I love that if i decide something is best for him, I don't have to spend countless hours convincing someone else, or making compromises I'm not comfortable with to be "fair" to the other parent. I'm the only parent, so I'm always right! lol -
Reply #17 06/01/08 6:17am
The hardest thing for me is definetly financial. I have only resently started to get child support but her dad ows me around 11 years of back pay. Unfortunately her got hurt at work so the courts are not making him pay much. Some times the money comes right when I need it, other times things can get pretty stressful. Fortunatly my daughter understands and is willing to sarifice her allowance or buy clearance items when finances are really tough. I think it is good she learns to be cautious with her money but sometimes I just wish she didnt have to sacrifice so much.After working jobs that required 50+ hours a week for several years I desided to go back to college. Things are actualy better now. I get finacial aid, grants and scholarships that really help and I can arrange my classes to fit my life. So things are looking up. -
Reply #18 06/03/08 6:32am
The most difficult thing in being a single parent to me, is that you don't have the support of the other "parent figure" in your child's life...now needless to say, that is probably a good thing in my situation...and so I have grown used to being mom and dad! Actually I am quite proud that I have been a single parent for so long b/c I think my kid is a-ok besides the usual teenage attitude I get !!! I think that being a single parent strengthens the bond btwn. you and your child...if any of you agree, give me a shout!!! -
Reply #19 06/17/08 9:52am
For me, the toughest part is having to work so much in order to support them. This leaves me feeling tired and worn out so that when we are together I can't always give them my all. While I would always want to work at least part time (I like my sanity, thank you!!), I REALLY wish I could spend more time at home with the kids. -
Reply #20 06/18/08 11:05am
The most difficult part for me is the SINGLE part doing it all alone.. I have a teenager who is out of control and heading to alcohol treatment center and refuses to listen to anyone especially me which makes partenting really hard I cry daily and feel that if only I had someone but then I remember what having a guy around does to my son and I tell myself that they would just walk anyways..
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