I lost my son Adam at the age of 23 on 8th March 2006 - he was my only child and my life.
He had a brain tumour (terminal cancer) and I feel very alone.
I am so sorry to hear that you have joined this exclusive club that nobody wanted to become members of.
I find by talking to other bereaved mums, it really does help as nobody in the normal outside world would ever understand the pain and degree of grief we are going through.
Please write soon.
Lots of love
TIME STANDS STILL
WHEN YOU LOSE A PARENT, YOU LOSE YOUR PAST
WHEN YOU LOSE A CHILD, YOU LOSE YOUR FUTURE
HAS ANY ONE LOST A CHILD?Posted on 05/30/08, 02:33 am
i JUST LOST MY 17 YR OLD SON ON 5-23-08
Reply #1 05/30/08 2:58am
Reply #2 06/10/08 5:26am
I lost my 27 year old daughter to a hit and run driver on January 3, 2007.
I can't seem to get over it. this man left her alone on a dark road and another driver hauling a trailer ran her over again. He stopped and tried to help her because she was still breathing. I can't get over the fact that maybe she was lying there crying for me to help her. She was like a child mentally. She left behind her 7 year old daughter who has cerebral palsy. My husband and I are raising her. The man who originally hit her had no charges brought against him because he said he thought he hit a
deer. My heart is broken and somedays I feel like I can't even breath.
She never left my side and I feel like a part of my body is missing. I know how hard it is for you. My prayers are with you.
Lots of hugs
Reply #3 06/11/08 2:27am
I am so sorry to hear how your daughter was cruelly taken from you. The day our child dies, we die with them. People from the normal outside world who haven't lost a child, will never understand, that although we look the same, we are definitely not and never will be the people we were before our beloved children got taken from us. It is just over two years since I lost Adam and it really is a daily struggle in my life. He was my only child and all my family are no longer alive. I am also divorced. I feel like I am the only survivor of the titanic and it is very lonely and isolating. I am so greatful to have found my new special friends on this site, as we are the only people who can feel this pain and grief in the knowledge that it will be with us for the rest of our time here.
Hope to hear from you soon and all I can wish you is hopefully, you will find some peace today.
Lots of love
15.9.82 - 8.3.06
Reply #4 06/11/08 5:07am
thank you Sue for replying. I still have 3 children and as I said I am raising my daughters handicapped daughter who thank God does not know what is going on. She just knows that we go to a big field(cemetary) to visit our "angel". I believe my daughter is here with us because in all my granddaughters innocence she tells me things. Like one morning she said mema Donnelle talked to me last night when you were sleeping. She said Donnelle (my daughter) sat on her bed and talked to her. I said what did she say, Gia, my granddaughter said she said "Gia I love you!". my daughter and my other granddaughter and husband all just looked at each other and were speechless. then we have a puppy who one evening we were eating dinner and he started looking towards the kitchen and started growling and carrying on. my son and husband and I just kept looking for what he was growling at. Gia turned around and said "hi Donnelle". Sometimes it gives me comfort thinking she is here looking out for her baby. My husband, and other children handle it well but they have other outlets in their life. I am in a wheelchair and home all the time. Since I stopped working I really have no friends around and other family members just don't know what you are feeling. I guess they all think it's time to get over it. but she was my "baby". We adopted her in Guam when we were stationed there and she was a special needs baby. She never left my side. I left her once with a another woman who's children went to her school and they were supposed to go to the movie with the mother. Instead she decided to go out and left my daughter with her son and he raped her. The police won't do anything because he was "a slow learner". We discussed all possibilites and because we do not believe in taking a life we decided to help her raise the baby and we were blessed with our beautiful granddaughter.
My brother died in 1980 and my mom said you never get over the loss of your child. I named my daughter for my brother and she died on the day my brother died. I know he is watching over her.
Sorry this is so long. Guess I just have a lot bottled up inside. Thank you for listening.
Lots of love back
Reply #5 06/28/08 12:35am
I lost my 16 yr old son on 24 may 2008....i don't know what to do. i lived for him...he was my only child.
Reply #6 06/28/08 6:15am
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. What can I say - I have found it a lifeline to speak with other mums who have lost their a child, particularly an only child; it really is different, as we have been robbed of any role, identity and it really is a struggle to find a purpose. It is now just after two years since I lost my precious son Adam, and I always end my threads with TIME STANDS STILL, and it really does.
When our only child dies, we die with him. The biggest struggle you will find is with the outside world, as they will never ever understand.
I have found it a tremendous lifeline just to unload with people who feel the same pain as we do.
Please unload as much as you want; I wish I didn't have to welcome you to this horrendous exclusive club that none of us wanted to become members of.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Lots of love - am thinking of you.
Reply #7 06/28/08 2:30pm
Sue, you're right, unless someone has experienced this pain, they will never understand. I just feel so lost with out him. I don't think i will ever stop hurting and everything is a struggle. I haven't slept in a month, i'm tired emotionally...the tears are never ending, they just flow naturally. i can't go to the supermarket because it reminds me of him, i can't listen to music, or watch tv, i can't hardly eat...i used to cook for both of us...there is just no consolation. I pray every night that Christ would come to take me out of this nightmare and bring me into his arms so i could be with my son (he was a born again christian, as am i) I find little comfort in knowing that he is with God, because i am selfish and i want my son here with me...he was my life.
Reply #8 06/29/08 3:08am
It really is a nightmare. The only comfort I get is to visit Adam every week, it really is the only place I feel I belong. I cannot say to you that it gets better, but I just seem to live with feeling desperately heartbroken, empty, shattered and isolated. I know exactly what you mean about familiar places - Where I live at the moment, I am very near to Adam's schools , friends, and generally his life when he was well and alive. I hope when I move next week to a new area (not too far away, but nobody local would have known me before I lost Adam and there will be no familiar surrounds, and most important, they will just know the new broken Sue, and not expect the old Sue to return, as when Adam died, she died with him.
Isabel, I will not be able to access my Internet from lst July until around 11th July, as with my move, I have to get it re-activated at my new place.
I wish we lived nearer, as we could have a chat on the telephone, but living so far apart, it really is very expensive, as I have found that chats with bereaved mums will run into hours! I will have accesss still to my internet until tomorrow evening - 30th June - please try to reply to me before and then, please believe that I am thinking of you and all us bereaved mums, PARTICULARLY WHO HAVE LOST ONLY CHILDREN, AS IT REALLY IS EVEN WORSE -
Meanwhile, all I can wish is that you can get through another day ok.
Lots of love
"MY DARLING SON, YOU WILL NEVER BECOME THE PAST, I WILL ALWAYS BRING YOU FORWARD WITH ME IN TO THE FUTURE."
Reply #9 06/29/08 3:35am
Thanks so much for your words. I have already moved out of "the house". I call it the house because my son died in "the house" that used to be our home. He died in his sleep. The reports show natural causes, so this just leaves me more confused...how does a healthy, athletic young man just die in his sleep? I've noticed that moving doesn't help much, with the exception of not having to deal with the pitiful looks from neoghbors, or the people who know me yet don't know what to say, so they walk the other way. When you child dies it seems as though you become a leper...no one can say anything that matters, they fear hurting you, so they just stay away; so your isolated as well.His name was Michael...is michael...because he lives in my heart forever.
Thanks sue for this forum, i look forward to the replies and the post. Sometimes i feel like i am the only one in this world, alone and afraid of what life is going to be like with out him; i say afraid because now there is just nothing to look forward to anymore. Still, i know tomorrow will be another day, no matter how horrid it will feel, it will be another day i've been blessed with.
Reply #10 06/29/08 4:32am
I lost my daughter Kim in a drowning accident. She was 34 and left behind a daughter 15 and a son 12. I'm having a hard time dealing with the loss of her and trying to go on for the sake of the children who I have legal custody of. Even though it has been 9 months I'm still in the stage of denial that she is even gone. I have been reading books about after life and trying to believe I will see her again. I still cry everyday when it hits me that she is really gone. I understand your grief completely.
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I would like any parents who have lost a child to contact me and to share our struggle and journeys how to cope with this horrendous exclusive club that nobody wanted to become members of