Narcissistic Men Don't Change...Posted on 10/21/10, 06:18 pm
Hi - I am new here. I know that intellectually his narcissistic behavior was killing me. I know that my life was filled with doubt, the other women, the porn, the pain of another woman treading in on our life was too much to bear and I set him free. It was hard to do. I miss him. I miss married life. BUT I will find my way. It is a blessing that there are sites here for those of us who are hurting.
Reply #1 11/24/10 6:58pm
Reply #2 11/25/10 1:30pm
After much research recently to try to understand the last 3 years of deception, I have come to the conclusion that he .. my husband (till we are divorced) is a narcissistic man. He doesn't have the capability to understand what he has done to me or what infidelity is. He only thinks of his own pleasure and that is what is first and foremost in his life. Isn't it funny that every advice is "take care of yourself".... he probably thinks that flirting/ online sexting/ chatting is helping him.
Well it's OUR turns to take care of OURSELVES and not be the doormat we have been. I think I'm getting angry.. is this a step to healing?
Reply #3 11/28/10 3:55pm
Hi, new here, just signed up today. I had to post to this, I just found out this week (Wednesday) that my husband has been cheating on me for some time. The more I learn about what's been going on and can actually see what's been happening it's becoming VERY clear that he is an extremely narcissistic man. He's an independent professional wrestler, works out for hours a day at the gym and of course met this new girl there. All of this information is so new and I'm really struggling to take it all in. Amy, you're so true, he really doesn't understand what he's doing or that he's hurting someone else. We do need to take care of ourselves and put ourselves first for once. I am so thankful to have found out about a site like this.
Reply #4 11/28/10 8:23pm
yes... let's do that.. now.. any suggestions besides, spas, shopping, nails Etc... guess better get some meditation going..
Reply #5 12/01/10 11:15am
My husband dignosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder after our couples counseling. He will never be able to truly love me... after 15 years of marriage, I finally wanted a real connection. The children are getting older now and I thought we should start focusing on our marriage a bit more. This is when things came to the surface... he asked for a divorce. Wow, all he can do is run away... rather than face what's happening inside. He fears closeness, touch- unless it's just sex, and is a pleasure seeker (recovering addict). To others he is the life of the party, the good guy, spends beyond his means, puts on a good show but inside he is dying. I am so sorry that you all have to deal with this, it's horrible. The main thing is to make sure that you tell yourself daily that it isn't your fault, it has NOTHING to do with you- as always, it's about him.
Reply #6 12/01/10 11:22am
Good resource for NPD
Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed
by Wendy Behary
most resources are geared toward how to get out of the relationship because there is no hope, this book helps us who are "stuck" in the relationship due to circumstances (children together, work relationships etc..)deal with the narcissist and his horrid behavior. It didn't help save my marriage but it helps me to know how to handle him when dealing with the kids.
Reply #7 01/22/11 10:10pm
I just met a serious narcissist and I ran the other way, phew! Thanks for re-affirming what I felt myself about this man...
Reply #8 04/24/11 4:36pm
I believe my H also fits into this category. He was texting, messaging, emailing, cheating, sex was everything to him and yet there was no romance. I should have known when we married in our early twenties and he already had 3 kids of his own and was not in their lives. He would only do things that were a convenience for him. He always wanted to live with his mom, since she didn't work and she watched out kids. He worked out constantly in the gym and would even offer to train other women, but not me. He said I was his best friend and that he could not live without me, now he is living with an exfriend of mine. Infact, today, Easter, my two youngest kids (with him) are with him now at his house with this exfriend of mine. We are still married, the OW is also legally married. My H would not even go to church with me and our kids, but he goes with her.
He tells me I am the selfish one. He tells me I am heartless. I was always the problem. He hit me when I found texts in his phone and the person they were from, is who is with now. So, life does suck and I know it. I'm looking for ways to heal my heart and I have not found it yet. He does not acknowledge how much he has hurt me at all. He really does not care. I still miss him, what is wrong with me? Like lala2010, my H is the life of the party, everyone loves him, but he is not what they think he is.
I wish everyone luck here and lots of strength.
Reply #9 06/10/11 7:54pm
G'day guys, I am new to this group. I only just found it actually.
My Ex wife is a narc. I didn't even know about NPD at the time, all I knew was that she was a nasty bitch. Thank goodness she left me for "greener pastures" a couple of years ago. It was best thing she ever did for me in 20 years.
Reply #10 08/27/11 4:14pm
hairy - I hope that I can say the same thing in a while. My stbx is NPD - only concerned with himself and his needs. Life of the party - the good guy - the man!!! But he was never there for me emotionally and cheated on me throughout our whole relationship.
I know that I'm better off without him - but the pain is still there. 30 years of conditioning I think. Will take some time to heal.
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