Discussion Topic

Wife has a Dom outside the marriage, I need help to understand.

Posted on 12/11/13, 05:58 pm
Hi. Ok, my situation is an odd one. My wife of 7 years and I have been swingers for a few months. For several years she had been interested in BDSM and I have not been. One of the couples we play with turns out to have a husband who is a Dom. My wife entered into a contractual D/S relationship with him as a service sub. She sees him once a month. Being a swinger it's hard for me to say I have a vanilla perspective, but I do. I have seen her blog on tumblr and the feelings it elicited were like the feelings I got when I found those pictures of my mom and her then boyfriend! I can't unsee that. I was overcome with jealousy and anger. Especially when I saw the pictures her Dom had posted with slogans like 'would you like this again?" and her response was something like "Oh my god, yes, please! More!" I just don't understand. She has explained that she loves us both. Both of us provide her with emotional needs that one person simply cannot provide, and in that she feels complete. Further, she and the Dom's wife define themselves as polyamorous. I feel excluded in that my wife has a "sister" connection to her Dom's wife who is also bisexual. My wife has an emotional attachment to her Dom as well. The Dom's wife has the attachment to my wife and to her husband, who is my wife's Dom. And me? I feel suddenly like an outsider. Like I have to be invited in to this little party to play with my own wife. My wife was saying "you're connected as a friend. Aren't they your friends?" This is a difficult matter for me to approach. I want her to explore all she wants, and to feel whole and complete. But I cannot deny the intense feelings of jealousy that arise all the time she has contact with her Dom. I feel maybe there is an emotional transference from me to her Dom stemming from some marital issues which we are currently addressing via a counselor. By the way, she keeps our marital issues out of her D/S relationship.

I guess I am looking for some understanding and a little clarity...
Showing 3 Replies
  • Reply #1 12/13/13  8:40pm
    I can understand you feeling jealous and angry, I would feel the same if I couldn't fulfill Master's needs and He were to get them fulfilled elsewhere and He would feel the same if He couldn't fulfill my needs.

    Have you given any thought to trying out some BDSM to see if there are some things about it you might enjoy or is it completely out of the question?

    As someone who lives a D/s - BDSM lifestyle (I'm a submissive in a monogamous D/s relationship), I can also understand your wife's need for it. For Master and I it's not all about the physical, it's so much about the emotional aspect.

    Have the two of you talked with your counselor about this situation?
  • Reply #2 12/14/13  1:05am
    I'm not in the BDSM. It 's not my thing. I enjoy light bondage to bedposts with ropes with easy avenue of escape, but that's it.

    i put another post on here in regards to your counselor question.
  • Reply #3 12/14/13  11:48am
    I am like you. Fairly light on the Bondage thing. Tie me up with silk scarves, Please, Master, but keep any thing metal anything away from me. And, as far as ropes go.

    But your W wants a lot more rough stuff. Talk to her. Try therapy.

Welcome

Join This Group

A group for those in D/s relationships, whether 24/7 or strictly casual. Also welcome are those not in relationships but craving that type of intimacy.