heather1982

size doesnt matter!!!

Posted on 08/20/09, 08:49 pm

I know the subject sounds crazy, until today i didnt even know there was a medical term for how i felt!!! dont get me wrong i am not small, but even when i weighed 130lbs i hated myself, i have my entire life! my friends and family would/will tell me that i look FINE(yeah right) or my husband will tell me i am pretty or look good or something, and all it makes me want to do is scream at them. I WANT TO KNOW WHY THEY ALL LIE TO ME ALL THE TIME!!!!like i cant see in the mirror or pictures of me that were taken, I know how i look, it effects every aspect of my life! hell it effects every aspect of my childrens life too! i dont like to go places because i am afraid of everyone looking at me and judging me, i dont want my children to be judged because of how i look either so for the most part we stay home!!! I feel bad but it doesnt stop or change the way i feel or see things! at this point i am not sure what/how to change the way i am or even if i could!

• Reply #1 08/28/09  7:24am
  
  SHALLOWMAN
  YOU OK?
  STUPID QUESTION BECAUSE YOURE OBVIOUSLY NOT.
  LISTEN,I DONT CLAIM TO HAVE AN ANSWER,OR EVEN ANY RELIEF.ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL,AND HOW DESTRUCTIVE AND HOPELESS THAT IS.AND YOURE NOT ALONE.THERE ARE TENS OF THOUSANDS(PROBABLY MORE)OF US FEELING JUST AS HOPELESS.
  I CAN ONLY SHARE MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE AND HOPE ITS HELPFUL.IVE SUFFERED WITH A DEEP LOATHING OF MY APPEARANCE SINCE PUBERTY(AND THE SHAME ATTACHED TO THAT). IM NOW 49. I HAVE NO PHOTOS OF ME AT ALL . I ONLY LOOK IN CERTAIN MIRRORS, IN CERTAIN LIGHTS AND IF CAUGHT UNAWARES IVE LEARNT TO DISCOUNT THE IMAGE I SEE,BECAUSE ITS TOO PAINFUL TO ACCEPT. ANYWAY,OVER THE COURSE OF A LIFETIME OF FEELING/BEING UGLY I SOMEHOW LEARNT TO REMOVE MYSELF FROM FEELINGS OF ANY SORT,IN ORDER TO SURVIVE I TOOK EXCESSIVE PRIDE IN MY INTELLECT AND PHYSICAL PROWESS. I LIVED A FALSE LIFE!
  SPENT 2 HOURS A DAY IN THE GYM,PUMPING IRON.WORKED LIKE A TROJAN AT THE EXPENSE OF EVERYTHING ELSE.MONEY. MONEY. MONEY.
  BUT THE PROBLEM DIDNT GO AWAY! AND IT JUST GETS HARDER AS YOU GET OLDER.IT DOESNT DISSAPPEAR IF YOU IGNORE IT.IT GETS WORSE. MORE AND MORE PAINFUL AND DESTRUCTIVE.ONE BRAIN HAEMORRAGE/STROKE, 2 FAILED MARRIAGES AND ACCUTE SOCIAL PHOBIA LATER-ITS RUINED MY LIFE.
  THE POINT IS ALL I CAN ADVISE IS PLEASE PLEASE GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP BEFORE IT RUINS YOURS.DONT KEEP YOURSELF TOO BUSY TO DEAL WITH IT.BELIEVE ME,WHEN I SAY-IT GETS WORSE.MUCH WORSE.
  SURGERY ISNT THE ANSWER.PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOTHERAPY/CBT IS..GOD,I WISHED ID DONE IT.
  SORRY IF THIS IS HEAVY OR DEPRESSING. ITS NOT MEANT THAT WAY.
  ALL THE BEST ADAM

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a mental disorder in which the affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied by an imagined or minor defect in his or her physical features. The sufferer may complain of several specific features or a single feature, or a vague feature or general appearance, causing psychological distress that impairs important functioning (e.g. occupational or self-care) or social aspects of life.