Discussion Topic

Ambivalent Adults -Preoccupied Style

Posted on 09/27/08, 02:29 am
These individuals have a preoccupied state of mind with respect to attachment. They have over-detailed stories and continue to reexperience past hurts and rejections in a manner suggesting a lack of resolution. These adutls had parents who alternated between warmth and availability and coldness and rejection for no apparent reason. Ambivalent adults are bossy and controlling and do not like rules and authority. They are impatient, critical and argumentative. They like to "stir the pot" and often sabotage getting what they want. They also can be creative, exciting, adventuresome, and charming.

Ambivalent adults are up and down in relationships. One moment they might be available and the next rejecting. They love arguments and rarely get resolution on issues. They are over-close in relationships. Their needs are always changing, yet they expect their partners to know what their needs are and to meet them. They tend to want to control in a critical, demanding and volatile manner, yet rely on their partners to keep the family going. They are quick to blame others and can tantrum when they do not get their way. They might hit below the belt in a fight. They fight hard and play hard and are never dull, keeping their mates off guard with an unpredictable and charming nature. They need a grounded partner to keep them in check.

Showing 3 Replies
  • Reply #1 10/02/08  8:55am
    i am probably most like this one...although not quite as harsh....and i dont have borderline personality disorder either!
  • Reply #2 09/11/11  9:19pm
    Yes..I am not like this at all. I get very anxious in relationships and fear abandonment. I become preoccupied with cues of not being loved. I feel unloveable. I have learned how to not react to these feelings. But what I find is even if I don't react to these anxious feelings, my partner can sense my level of anxiety and it is offputting. The only thing that has helped me is mindfulness meditation.
    Yes often this is sadly misdiagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder but it is not. The difference is that, unlike BPD, people that have anxious attachement disorder are high functioning in all areas but relationships.
  • Reply #3 11/13/13  10:17pm
    i am this type.. i just want to learn how to cope better and have a sense of normalcy. can anyone suggest any type of technique i can practice in between therapy visits. My therapist seems to think i have the behaviors and not the disorder…i don't know what that means. All i know is that this is something that describes me to a tee

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