Discussion Topic
Help with a bad friend
Posted on 01/03/09, 01:13 pm
I have a little issue that has come up and I am just not sure what to do about it. It has left me feeling very conflicted. Sorry this is long.
I have a friend, we've been friends forever. She has not been a great friend lately. It seems that month after month she is calling me (or my mother on a few occasions) to bail her out of some trouble she's in. Over the past 2 years we've given her thousands of dollars. It has been for things like rent so they don't get evicted, food, phone bill. It seems the only time she calls me anymore is if she needs something like a ride somewhere or money. I have bought all of her son's clothes the past 3 years (maybe more). I never ask to be paid back because there is NO way she can EVER afford that and she has never offered. She does offer to help me around the house, to "earn" the money, but follow through is limited.
The amounts she has been asking for is steadily increasing. Last month she asked for $220 to keep phones on, which got turned off anyway. She promised to help me out but then always had a reason she couldn't. New Year's Eve she called me (from a pay phone) asking if I could please give her a ride in to work in the morning because they scheduled her when busses didn't run. (Did I mention she always calls at the very last minute in need of help!) I agreed because I was able. She didn't say anything in the car, but I suggested maybe she could come over and help out one day (we are painting the house/reorganizing closets, etc)like she keeps promising. She just grunted and left the car when we got to her work place. The next night she proceeded to call me saying she was upset and not very talkative because she needed $500 to pay her electric bill, which will be shut off on Tuesday!
I know helping her is just enabling her to keep coming to me, but I really worry about her little boy. He is my Godson and I adore him. He is a straight A student and a really nice kid. I don't want to see him live this way because his mom can't keep things together any more.
I know I could scrape the money together, but I don't know if helping her anymore is the right thing to do. We have other heavy finical obligations like medical bills, etc to pay attention to. I used to think she'd help me if I ever needed it, but she doesn't have the means -- not even emotionally. I even question that now.
If anyone has taken the time to read this big vent I thank you.
I have a friend, we've been friends forever. She has not been a great friend lately. It seems that month after month she is calling me (or my mother on a few occasions) to bail her out of some trouble she's in. Over the past 2 years we've given her thousands of dollars. It has been for things like rent so they don't get evicted, food, phone bill. It seems the only time she calls me anymore is if she needs something like a ride somewhere or money. I have bought all of her son's clothes the past 3 years (maybe more). I never ask to be paid back because there is NO way she can EVER afford that and she has never offered. She does offer to help me around the house, to "earn" the money, but follow through is limited.
The amounts she has been asking for is steadily increasing. Last month she asked for $220 to keep phones on, which got turned off anyway. She promised to help me out but then always had a reason she couldn't. New Year's Eve she called me (from a pay phone) asking if I could please give her a ride in to work in the morning because they scheduled her when busses didn't run. (Did I mention she always calls at the very last minute in need of help!) I agreed because I was able. She didn't say anything in the car, but I suggested maybe she could come over and help out one day (we are painting the house/reorganizing closets, etc)like she keeps promising. She just grunted and left the car when we got to her work place. The next night she proceeded to call me saying she was upset and not very talkative because she needed $500 to pay her electric bill, which will be shut off on Tuesday!
I know helping her is just enabling her to keep coming to me, but I really worry about her little boy. He is my Godson and I adore him. He is a straight A student and a really nice kid. I don't want to see him live this way because his mom can't keep things together any more.
I know I could scrape the money together, but I don't know if helping her anymore is the right thing to do. We have other heavy finical obligations like medical bills, etc to pay attention to. I used to think she'd help me if I ever needed it, but she doesn't have the means -- not even emotionally. I even question that now.
If anyone has taken the time to read this big vent I thank you.
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Reply #1 01/03/09 6:58pm
Honey you can not give her any more money. I'm so serious. You are gonna have to say no. She has to grow up you are not her mother. She will find another way to make it work. There are churches and community agencies that will help her. You have to save yourself and tell her you can no longer support her. She is using you and you are letting her. As long as she knows that she can do it she will. You have to cut her off. TONIGHT. I have a brother that's like her. I had to do the same thing. That was my brother. He suffered the kids suffered, but now they have good loving safe homes and are well provided for and cared for. He learned the lesson to grow the hell up. You can no longer do this. This is gonna continue to bring you down to nothing to a self esteem so low. You could be using that money that she is throwing away only god knows where to pay for things that you and your husband need. It's time for her to grow up. If she has to move to a cheaper place then she should do that. As long as you know this will cont- to get worse. Cause it absolutely will. Tell her to grow up and stand on her own two feet. That's what you have to do. Let her go let her learn. You can only spread yourself so thin. That is not fair and very selfish of her. She also needs to work out the debt or pay you back some sort of a way. Point blank. I would not do another favor for her. If you have to lie then lie. your busy or at work anything to keep her from relying on you. -
Reply #2 01/04/09 9:24pm
beybey is right , she'll find another way to scrunge off of ppl, yes ppl have hard times , but the amount she's runnin the bills up to shows that shes not paying the at all until its too late, she will find another way , write it off as a learning lesson,
take care of yourself before you help others
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