starynite

The Funnies

Posted on 09/10/08, 12:12 am

Have you laughed today? Go ahead and use this discussion topic to add funny jokes, storeis, etc. They don't have to be hillarious--they could be cute, sweet, inspiring, etc. So go ahead and start spreading smiles! :D

• Reply #1 09/10/08  4:49pm
  
  bundymum
  i have laughed today at my sons jokes.He is 4 and has started making up jokes and it's so so cute.
  Also had another laugh with with my 2 boys yesterday in the car.We were all singing along to the radio, when we forgot the words all we all laughed.
• Reply #2 09/10/08  6:43pm
  
  starynite
  Aww what was the joke? That's so cute! :)
  
  My mom showed me this email today! I thot is was hillarious:
  
  One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a
  well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
  the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
  
  Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the
  well needed to be covered up anyway;
  it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
  
  He invited all his neighbors to come over and
  help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began
  to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
  donkey realized what was happening and cried
  horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he
  quieted down.
  
  A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally
  looked down the well. He was astonished at what
  he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his
  back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
  He would shake it off and take a step up.
  
  As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel
  dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
  off and take a step up.
  
  Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
  stepped up over the edge of the well and
  happily trotted off!
  
  Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds
  of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well
  is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
  our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out
  of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
  never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
  
  Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
  
  Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
  
  Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
  
  Live simply and appreciate what you have.
  
  Give more.
  
  Expect less.
  
  
  NOW ............
  
  Enough of that crap . The donkey later came back,
  and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
  The gash from the bite got infected and
  the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
  
  
  MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
  
  When you do something wrong, and try to cover
  your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
  
• Reply #3 09/13/08  5:44pm
  
  starynite
  Four funny stories about children:
  
  (1) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
  
  The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
  
  The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
  
  Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
  
  The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."
  
  The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
  
  The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
  
  
  (2)
  A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
  
  After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
  
  Without missing a beat one little boy, the oldest of a family, answered, "Thou shall not kill."
  
  (3)
  A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
  
  "Yes," the class said.
  
  "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
  
  A little fellow shouted,
  "Cause your feet ain't empty."
  
  (4)
  The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
  
  "Take only ONE. God is watching."
  
  Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
  
  A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
  
• Reply #4 09/26/08  1:11pm
  
  starynite
  My friend sent me this and I thought it was funny:
  
  "If some twit tells you that depression doesnt exist, and you should just get over it, then hit him--HARD! When they say, "Ouch that hurts!" Say SO DOES MY DEPRESSION! Then smile! :D
• Reply #5 03/16/09  10:52pm
  
  starynite
  A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it; Fifty people swindled!â?? Fifty people swindled! Curios, a man walked over, bought a paper, and said, "Hey kid, this is an old paper, whereâ??s the story about the big swindle?â?? The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "read all about it; Fifty-one people swindled!â??

This is a motivational group to help people who struggle with anxiety, bipolar mood disorder, depression, &any other physical/mental illness gain encouragement from others who have struggled-or are struggling-with similar battles. Although I would like to cater to the residents of the Rio Grande Valley, this group's open to everyone. When you help others, you also help youself!