Thanks Ken :)
OMNIPOTENCE
That's how my relapse happened, this is my second time around. I had several good years of abstinence, and no recovery. Well, maybe a little, tiny bit of knowledge about my addiction, but not enough for that bottom to be my rock bottom. I thought I was cured. Life was better, everyone pretty much forgave me...what would 20 bucks hurt? I was bored, sort of feeling sorry for myself, like I deserved a little "me time". HA! I thought all I needed to do was act like an adult, be a bit more mature about the whole thing, and it's not against the law to gamble, I'd tell myself. What "they" don't know can't hurt them, was also a fav justification of mine. I'd also think, do I have to answer to everyone! I thought it was a matter of setting some limits, using some common sense, maybe this time it'll be better, fun.
It wasn't like that. Not at all. Once back out there, my addiction accelerated at an alarming rate. I was in the darkness before I knew what was happening to me. I always remind myself that's it's not hard to understand why I went back out there the last time. Not really. Although I can't remember where or when I placed that first bet, the bet that took me back out there with a vengeance. I can remember feeling amazed at how fast I was sinking, a lower low than the first time around.
I'm finally "getting it", this time around I am staying aware of the fact I am not cured. I'm staying grateful for what I have. I'm learning to live life, on life's terms. I like it, I really do :)
Discussion Topic
Relapse Symptons
Posted on 03/08/09, 11:15 am
Even when things in recovery seem to be going well never hurts to have this list close by.
Checklist Of Symptons
Leading To Relapse
1) EXHAUSTION Allowing yourself to become overly tired or in poor health.Some compulsive gamblers are also prone to work addictions; perhaps they are in a hurry to pay off debts.Good health, good nutrition and enough rest are important. If you feel good, you are more apt to think well. Feel poorly and your thinking is apt to deteriorate.Feel bad enough and you might begin thinking gambling couldn't make it any worst.
2) DISHONESTY This begins with a pattern of unnecessary little lies and deceits with fellow workers, friends and family. Then come important lies to yourself. This is called rationalizing; making excuses for not doing what you do not want to do, or for doing what you know is wrong.
3) IMPATIENCE Things are not happening fast enough, or others are not doing what they should or what you want them to do.
4) ARGUMENTATIVENESS Arguing small and ridiculous points of view, indicates a need to always be right. "Why don't you be reasonable and agree with me?" Looking for an excuse to gamble?
5) DEPRESSION Unreasonable and unaccountable despair may occur in cycles and should be dealt with, talked about.
6) FRUSTRATION At people and also because things may not be going your way. Remember, everythingg is not going to be just the way you want it to be.
7) SELF-PITY "Why do these things happen to me?" "Why must I have a gambling problem?" "Nobody appreciates what I am doing." You cannot afford the indulgence of self-pity or resentment.
8) COCKINESS Got it made; no longer fear relaspe. Going into a slippery situation to prove you have no problem. Do this often enough and it will wear down your defenses. Don't test yourself: there is no payoff.
9) COMPLACENCY "Gambling was the farthest thing from my mind." Not gambling was no longer a conscious thought either. It is easy to forget that you have a serious addiction when things are going so well. Always, to have a little fear is a good thing. More relapses occur when things are great than otherwise.
10) EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM OTHERS "I've changed, why hasn't everyone else?" It's a plus if they do, but it is still your problem if they do not.They may not trust you yet; may still be looking for further proof. Trust is rebuilt in increments over time, by being trustworthy.
11) LETTING UO ON DISCIPLINE Prayer, meditation, daily inventory, GA attendance, financial accountability.This can stem form either complacency or boredom. Yo cannot afford to neglect your recovery progrom; the cost of relapse is too great.
12) USE OF MOOD-ALTERING CHEMICALS You may fell the need to ease things with a drink or a drug. You may never have had a problem with alcohol or other sunstance, but you can easily lose your recovery this way. It's about the most subtle way to have relaspe.
13) WANTING TOO MUCH Do not set goals you cannot reach with normal effort. You will get what you are entitled to as long as you do your best, but maybe not as soon as you think you should. "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.
14) FORGETTING GRATITUDE You may be looking negatively at your life,focusing on problems that are still not totally corrected. It is good to remember where you started from,and appreciate your progress.
15) "IT CAN"T HAPPEN TO ME" This is dangerous thinking.Relapse can happen to you and is more likely to if you get careless. Remember, you have a chronic disease and your continued recovery is contingent on maintaining a particular mindset.
16) OMNIPOTENCE This is a feeling that results from a combination of many of the above.You now have all the answers for yourself and others.No one can tell you anything.You ignore suggestions or advice from others.Relapse is probably imminent unless drastic change takes place.
Checklist Of Symptons
Leading To Relapse
1) EXHAUSTION Allowing yourself to become overly tired or in poor health.Some compulsive gamblers are also prone to work addictions; perhaps they are in a hurry to pay off debts.Good health, good nutrition and enough rest are important. If you feel good, you are more apt to think well. Feel poorly and your thinking is apt to deteriorate.Feel bad enough and you might begin thinking gambling couldn't make it any worst.
2) DISHONESTY This begins with a pattern of unnecessary little lies and deceits with fellow workers, friends and family. Then come important lies to yourself. This is called rationalizing; making excuses for not doing what you do not want to do, or for doing what you know is wrong.
3) IMPATIENCE Things are not happening fast enough, or others are not doing what they should or what you want them to do.
4) ARGUMENTATIVENESS Arguing small and ridiculous points of view, indicates a need to always be right. "Why don't you be reasonable and agree with me?" Looking for an excuse to gamble?
5) DEPRESSION Unreasonable and unaccountable despair may occur in cycles and should be dealt with, talked about.
6) FRUSTRATION At people and also because things may not be going your way. Remember, everythingg is not going to be just the way you want it to be.
7) SELF-PITY "Why do these things happen to me?" "Why must I have a gambling problem?" "Nobody appreciates what I am doing." You cannot afford the indulgence of self-pity or resentment.
8) COCKINESS Got it made; no longer fear relaspe. Going into a slippery situation to prove you have no problem. Do this often enough and it will wear down your defenses. Don't test yourself: there is no payoff.
9) COMPLACENCY "Gambling was the farthest thing from my mind." Not gambling was no longer a conscious thought either. It is easy to forget that you have a serious addiction when things are going so well. Always, to have a little fear is a good thing. More relapses occur when things are great than otherwise.
10) EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM OTHERS "I've changed, why hasn't everyone else?" It's a plus if they do, but it is still your problem if they do not.They may not trust you yet; may still be looking for further proof. Trust is rebuilt in increments over time, by being trustworthy.
11) LETTING UO ON DISCIPLINE Prayer, meditation, daily inventory, GA attendance, financial accountability.This can stem form either complacency or boredom. Yo cannot afford to neglect your recovery progrom; the cost of relapse is too great.
12) USE OF MOOD-ALTERING CHEMICALS You may fell the need to ease things with a drink or a drug. You may never have had a problem with alcohol or other sunstance, but you can easily lose your recovery this way. It's about the most subtle way to have relaspe.
13) WANTING TOO MUCH Do not set goals you cannot reach with normal effort. You will get what you are entitled to as long as you do your best, but maybe not as soon as you think you should. "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.
14) FORGETTING GRATITUDE You may be looking negatively at your life,focusing on problems that are still not totally corrected. It is good to remember where you started from,and appreciate your progress.
15) "IT CAN"T HAPPEN TO ME" This is dangerous thinking.Relapse can happen to you and is more likely to if you get careless. Remember, you have a chronic disease and your continued recovery is contingent on maintaining a particular mindset.
16) OMNIPOTENCE This is a feeling that results from a combination of many of the above.You now have all the answers for yourself and others.No one can tell you anything.You ignore suggestions or advice from others.Relapse is probably imminent unless drastic change takes place.
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Reply #1 03/08/09 7:14pm
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Reply #2 03/14/09 8:23pm
Thanks for this topic, Ken. The longer I am away from gambling, the easier it would be to get cocky, complacent, let go of my daily recovery routine. It is very easy to get impatient with the recovery process. It will take years to "catch up" on what I've lost, if I ever can.
I have to remember that the thing about recovery is not that I can go back and erase all the damage done...it is enough just to not continue the damage.
I am going to copy this to a file I can find easily. Thx again! -
Reply #3 03/17/09 9:05pm
Dear Ken - thank you for this. It is so good to be constantly working on recovery. I am thankful for my support here and of course my GA group - they keep me honest and real. Hugs Suzi
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