Discussion Topic
Here Comes the Urge
Posted on 10/30/08, 05:16 pm
Friday is Tomorrow and the normal day I go to the casino. For the last month I have been taking my aunt to the hospital for her dr. visits and then we would go afterwards. I don't have to take her this week which is good but I am thinking I deserve a day of fun for myself. This is the problem right here. I go because I consider it a break and me time. But this is not going to work, I will ultimelty either win or lose. If I win it will just fuel me to keep going till it is all gone and if I lose I will leave with this amazingly huge amount of guilt. I am so scared I am going to screw this up and go anyway. I am going to try and change up my routine tomorrow and perhaps take a visit to the mall. I deserve a new outfit and have been gaining a little weight lately with the smoking things, Tomorrow will be 4 weeks without a cigarette. Just need some help on not breaking down tomorrow. Sometimes when I am gambling I will be there so many hours that I start to see people off to the side of me that aren't really there. So weird but I think it is from being so paranoid and being there looking at the screen so long. It is not like they are talking to me or I see them fully, I just see like what I think is an outline of someone standing to the side. Anyone else ever have that??
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Reply #1 10/31/08 3:39pm
Well , Did make it. So glad I hung in there -
Reply #2 11/01/08 5:53pm
I'm so glad you hung in there, too. Phew....good work. Yes, I've seen those people out of the corner of my eye. It's awful. I believe it's paranoia. Sometimes I thought they were looking over my shoulder. Sometimes I thought cameras were on me, and you know what? They probably were. Not for the reasons I thought, however. I'm so glad I'm not gambling anymore. I'm so glad I quit. No more paranoia for me! It's great! I love it! A better way of thinking and living, a healthier one. 4 weeks without a cig - Congrats! -
Reply #3 11/01/08 6:12pm
I am so glad you didn't make it. Yes you deserve a day of fun - but is gambling the answer? NO. It essentially makes you feel bad, depressed, guilty and not happy - there fore should you gamble today - NO.
I hope you found something lovely at the Mall and spent your hard earned money on YOU.
Gambling messes with our minds - the paranoia is common. I used to get into this state after many hours of gambling too - when you stop - this stops too. Congrats on the no cigs . Hugs Suzi -
Reply #4 11/03/08 11:45am
Wow, I feel so much better knowing you guys had that too. I am hear this sec because an erge is coming on again. I just left work because I left something at home and I felt really ansy like I had to get out of there. Now I am home and thinking of not going back to work, instead going to the casino. I am so glad I stopped and decided to logged into this site for a minute because I am seeing that it was the addcition calling again. I think I will be fine. I am going to get my butt back to work. I am crying right now thinking how much you guys have just saved me , not monetary but emotinally & morally. Thanks and So glad you are here. I have alot of things to work out. Not today I will go to the casino. Maybe another day is what I will keep saying. -
Reply #5 11/05/08 11:12am
Well, Did it again. I am such a Jerk. I can't give up, I did start the support groupl and will go from there -
Reply #6 11/05/08 9:43pm
You can give up - never give up on quitting. For some recovery is a hard road - little slips along the way. It was like that for me for my first 6 months. Now I have been 6 months with no gambling. I only try to do this one day at a time and not sabotage myself with thoughts of going.
I have a tape that I play in my head - it's the last time I went gambling and when I told my hubby. That was a sad day. Every day since has been so much better - the best is yet to come.
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Reply #7 11/08/08 5:30pm
NO is a powerful word and it took me a long time to know that no matter what, I truly am still and always will be in charge of myself and my actions. Each and everytime I got through an urge NO became more powerful.
There were times I even yelled it out. As for me I was like an alien being when I was in front of a machine :) Keep hanging in there, and keep coming back here. NEVER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP!!! We all started out with baby steps, learned how to walk, TOGETHER,
Hugsssssssssssssssssss
Kimber
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