Julie,yes this is a hard one getting past resentments I myself am a very verbal person & speak my mind when I am angry or hurt by some-one alot of times that back fires on me too.Through the years I have found holding onto resentments & anger can waste alot of our time & energy that we could be focusing on more positive things in our lives.When I was in treatment I remember someone telling me to pray for the people that hurt me or made me angry & I though what are you nuts I would rather smack them.Well I did pray for them over & over not really meaning it I am sure in the begining, but as time pasted my resentments towards these people weren't as harsh.Just a example of what happened with me,I read some of your Journal and I see that you are going through alot in your life right now more that I would want to deal with, you have alot on your plate for one person.Good luck to you and thanks again for taking the time to talk with me when you have many battles of your own right now,I will pray for you.
Patti PS.wish this had a spell check on here :) :)
Discussion Topic
Getting past resentments and pain
Posted on 06/08/08, 02:34 am
I need help finding ways to get past resentments and pain due to events and people in my life. I would really love it if you could give me any suggestions or ideas. I know I need to let some of this go, and I have no idea how to go about it.
Hugs to all my fellow cg's
Julie
Hugs to all my fellow cg's
Julie
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Reply #1 07/07/08 4:56am
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Reply #2 09/10/08 9:18am
For me the key to freedom from resentments was I had to learn to forgive myself. That didn't happen over night. I was so use to holding the pain of old resentments inside me, I don't think I even realized it was hurting me until I tried to let it go. In the past I always thought I just needed to talk a resentment to death, as if that would somehow change the fact I was holding grudges inside. Actually all that talk, talk, talking did was keep my resentments fresh in my mind. When I was truly able to forgive myself, by focusing on my role in contributing to my resentments, I was able to let them go and gain an understanding for the people I thought hurt me and didn't care about me, or understand me. I've learned I need to care about me and understand me, I've learned I need to be kind to myself. That's being my own best friend :) -
Reply #3 09/11/08 6:09pm
When I read your post I thought of something I read about which was very appealing to me. It is an ancient Hawaiian practice called Ho'oponopono.
This is about cleansing away resentments and guilt and forgiveness, particularly within families. You can google the word and read up on it- it's very interesting. One of the things I took away from it was a simple daily prayer to repeat over and over to yourself. "Dear God, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, I thank you." -
Reply #4 09/14/08 5:07pm
Julie, I don't know if this will help, but I try to go back over the day before going to bed and think honestly about everyone that hurt me or anyone I may have hurt. Then I say a pray, make an honest attempt to forgive anyone that hurt me and try to thing of a better way I could handle any situation where I hurt someone else. -
Reply #5 10/11/08 2:58am
I'm trying to cut off the process of resentment before it takes hold, I don't have problems with those people I love, in fact I am probably too non assertive I kind of have this Oh well, theyre busy, or I probably deserve that. BUT I go absolutely ape sh---t with people I dont know or love with little infringements and hurts. Like the rude salesperson or the bad neighbour, I don't get loud or aggressive but I ruminate, internalise, I have been trying hard to stop it and have had some luck with asking myself Is this really about that incident or is it about me? Very often nearly always I acknlowledge its about me, I am so angry with myself. I think Iwill take on some of the advice here about being kind to myself, forgiving myself after I ask that question 'is my reaction really about that event/person or about me' dont know if it will help you out??????? hugs -
Reply #6 11/20/08 7:59pm
I think I could have written your thread topic my dear friend.
I'm stuck and can't move past it either, I'll be watching and LOOKING for suggestions for BOTH of us! -
Reply #7 11/20/08 11:27pm
I had many resentments, Hurt and pain, things I could not get past,
Things I could not forgive.
There were many things I needed to forgive my self for also.
I prayed about it. I also, wrote a letter to each person I has a resentment with. I sat outside one evening by a fire, I took each letter, and as I burned it, I said good bye to it. I said a prayer and out loud that I forgive them. I realized that they did not need to know I forgave them,, I NEEDED TO KNOW. They did not even care about what they did.
You can give them the letter if you want. I did it for me, not for them.
When you hold a resentment , and do not forgive, That person still has a hold on you, has claim on your life and how you feel.
I am claim free, except for one. That one is a true challenge for me. I am still working on it.
Hugsssssss,
Kimber -
Reply #8 11/21/08 8:54am
Good Topic ..Julie .. !!!.
'Resentments......"I" was told is ''thinking 'and then 're-thinking to resenting. 'Feelings 'didn't go away ''when "I" re thought what 'ticked me off 'or the double edge sword of ''Act # 1''I" should' have said this'' Act # 2 should have done that '. ACT #.. back to ''Act # 1.......lol , a cycle "I" call it'' for me'..
'For me ,, "I" have some (lie) a few resentments.. lol. Because "I" can think of times of 'hurt.. Mostly it is 'directed Towards me more than what someone 'said or did'........
'So ' "I" think Moyer has the ''TRue Answer.....Forgive Myself '....
''Thankyou Moyer........Let it Begin with "ME" Today.........
Real sTory) >> ONe time went to a'retreat '..there we were all intstructed to make a kite.......but were not told why ?..
We all did as told (good little AA-Alanon doobies lol) . Made our kites........then were were told to write out who 'hurt us.. and ask to forgive them, and LEt It Go.. on paper....We were told to attach the paper to our Kites.......''As "I" let mine go........"I" said to my 'friend standing beside me 'letting her's go too..........'OMG it is going 'North...........Chit '"I" hope this is not on my Doorstep when
I" get home ,,,,,,,lol .. she gave me a punch in the shoulder ''saying YOU are Encourageable'........lol ''
''"I" truly believe ''Letting go of the Pain is Forgiveness....Forgetting the 'event takes longer......Amen.. for me..
'Thankyou......'"IT's Friday .. Lets 'Blow all Resentments Away or to the Wind.........''BE Well sanr.. -
Reply #9 11/23/08 7:51pm
This reminds me of my 3rd GA meeting. The topic was resentment. When it was my turn to share, I said "I don't think I have any resentments" and a big biker guy stood up and said "Girl, you haven't been to enough meetings yet."
How right he was. I didn't even know I had resentments at all, never mind that some of them were huge and I had been carrying them around for decades. Besides resenting myself, the next person on my list was my father and it took me about 6 years in the program to finally let go of that.
It is amazing how much has changed since I began recovery. Even though I am not yet what I would call successful, I am really a very different person than I was when I began to seek help.
Blessings
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