candiedapple64

Is recovery really possible?

Posted on 05/24/08, 08:30 pm

This is my introduction to the group. My name is Annette, I'm 43, live in Minnesota, and without question I am a compulsive gambler. I have been one for no less than 15 years. In fact, it's been so long I don't even know the exact number of years I've been an addict.

I've been to outpatient treatment twice in the past (the same place both times as resources in my area are extremely limited). Neither time was a success. In fact, the 2nd time only fueled my already full-blown addiction as the group I was with constantly spoke of their big wins. The addict in me chose to ignore that they must have experienced great loss and pain or they wouldn't have been in the group to begin with. I heard what I wanted to hear and just KNEW I could win some of those big jackpots they spoke off. Needless to say, those big jackpots remained elusive to me.

I have prayed to God to win, I have prayed to God to give me the strength to stop gambling. I have done things I am not proud of to support my addiction. I have had periods of time where I have thought I was in control and periods of time when I have knowingly had no control whatsoever. I have played more mind games with myself than I can even describe. I didn't have a bad childhood, I didn't have an abusive relationship, I didn't and don't have a stressful work life or home life. I didn't and don't have anything that MAKES me gamble other than myself.

Although I've known for a VERY long time that I need help to conquer this beast known as addiction I have chosen to not seek the help. It's a lot easier being in my comfort zone as a compulsive gambler, regardless of how miserable it makes me, than it to step outside of that zone and have to rediscover who I really am and to learn how to live all over again.

Today I am taking the taking the first step once again to try and kick this beast's butt (hence the avatar I chose). I know I cannot do this alone and I thank each of you in advance for the support of this group.

Thanks for having me here!

• Reply #1 05/25/08  2:59am
  
  searchingfor
  Dear Annette,
  
  My name is Julie. I a 40 year old married mother in Minnesota and I too am a compulsive gambler. I have been struggling with this addiction for nine years. I just joined this group yesterday, and this is my first post. I have been a ga member numerous times, with my longest clean time being five months. That was almost two years ago. I also have known for a very long time that I need help, that I need recovery....but it has eluded me. I have not been in treatment, though I did also see a counselor for a time in addition to ga. I too wonder if recovery is possible...at least for me. I know many, many people in ga who have recovery and are happy and productive.
  
  I commend you for taking the first step again. You are in my thoughts.
  
• Reply #2 05/25/08  10:30am
  
  marle44
  Annette,
  
  Hi. Welcome to the group. I of course, too am a compulsive gambler and have been for about 8 years. I has been gamble-free for 5 weeks, which is the longest period in 8 years. I am now for the first time going to GA meetings and coming on this site. I think in order to recover you really have to want to quit. Compulsive gambling leads to one of hree things, prision, insanity or death. I know now I was very close to all of those things at one point or another. I finally decided I don't what any of those things to happen to me. Hopefuuly you will realize that too. Keep coming back here and hopefully we can all help each other.
• Reply #3 05/27/08  11:58pm
  
  Auzgurl
  HI Annette,
  I'm Suzi and I too and a compulsive gambler, I'm 41 years old and have 3 children and a wonderful husband. Today I am in recovery and have been gamble free for 3 weeks. I have had periods of longer recovery 130 days being my previous record and then I busted which was devasting. I didn't think i would ever gain control over my gambling problem - I found out something simply. I can't control my gambling problem. I can only take this day and every day one day at a time. I am connecting with others like myself through this site and GA and this helps, it keeps my accountable and focussed. I write in my journal - anything, thoughts , daily activities - I see myself and I am growing. Somedays as we know are easier than others.
  Today i am thankful that i am gamble free and I am able to share my experience with my 'friends" here. It is a blessing to me.
  I am so glad to have met you Annette and that you are here once again. Keep coming back - stay connected. It does matter and you can make a change. I am so new to this, so join me, one day at a time.
  Hugs and blessings to you.
  Suzi
• Reply #4 05/29/08  11:28am
  
  DianneE
  Hello Annette...I tried to quit many times before coming here. I am almost at the 5 mos. mark of no gambling, and it is amazing the healing in my life. What has helped me is coming here everyday, reading and commenting on other's journals, and writing my own... I have developed a connection with people here, and it truly helps me stay real with myself and make the choices that are saving my life.
  
  For me to quit, it had to become more painful for me to keep gambling than to stop gambling....I was faced with severe consequences by the IRS if I didn't come up with the money I owed them (that I had spent gambling!)....I was faced with losing my business and damaging my loved ones as well....FINALLY, I was scared enough to actually stop gambling.
  
  The most important thing for me to make all this possible was the acceptance that I cannot control gambling, and cannot win at gambling. Even though there were limited periods where I could go and leave with money, or go and not spend more than I budgeted....I always returned to being out of control....I was in such denial about how much I was spending, and what consequences were awaiting me...
  
  I came to realize that even if I "win"...I don't win....because ultimately I will keep playing until it is all gone and much much more....does that sound like you? Even when I won the largest jackpot I ever had...I stayed until about half of it was gone, then returned every day until finally all of it was gone...and then more withdrawals from the ATM...and so on and so on....
  So....I cannot gamble without dire consequences....and I cannot LEARN to gamble without dire consequences. I have not heard of one single compulsive gambler who was able to return to gambling in a nondestructive way.
  
  The next important thing for me to get was the concept of "one day at a time". Many times in the first couple of months, the only way I didn't gamble was by telling myself....I am only not gambling for today. Tomorrow is tomorrow....I can always return to gambling some other time...but for today, I will choose not to gamble...These single days of choosing not to gamble have amounted to almost 5 mos. now...and it really is much easier now.
  
  I was so afraid of the emptiness I imagined I would face if I gave up gambling....that has NOT been the case at all. Now my life is full of what I do to recover, full of plans, full of enjoyment of watching how my life is improving. I came here multiple times every day in the first months....and now I don't have to do so to keep from gambling...but still do because it is so rewarding, and I love the people here.
  
  I don't think I am "cured". From what I have seen, we are not ever cured...but I am in remission...and if I stay away from the "monster", I will remain in remission. My life will continue to be healed, and I will continue discovering and rediscovering what truly gives me joy.
  
  As Suzi says....keep coming back. What was not possible for me alone, has become possible with the fellowship and inspiration of all the people here....together, we can do this...and the beautiful part is....we only have to do this one day at a time.
  
  Hugs, Dianne
• Reply #5 08/13/08  4:28pm
  
  ginadarlene
  I am a compulsive gambler.once I relaized I can not win gambling it got better.I was able to finally stop.I did have to get myself scared by becoming broke and in debt to my bank.I oprayed and had other people praying for me.It is alos helpful to me to remember I have an illness and I can not gamble like normal people.I wish you great sucess in your recovery
  God Bless
• Reply #6 09/20/08  10:35pm
  
  iamnotagambler
  I'm not a big fan of "responsible gambling." I'm starting to think it is just an illusion. Those responsible gamblers out there, sooner or later, will probably turn into problem gamblers if they keep at it long enough. I've tried in the past almost every conceivable way to make gambling 'work' as a part of my life (before I became committed to recover from gambling addiction) because for a long time I didn't want to really let it go altogether, but it only seems to work out for me to just get on in life without it.
• Reply #7 10/11/08  2:48am
  
  tas72
  Hi Annette welcome, I am a 48 (nearly 49 year old) compulsive gambler with problems starting around 7 years ago. I have been seriously trying to stop for the last 12 months with a little hiatus in the middle after a bust when I went into big time self destruct gambling. I am back and 15 days GF compliments of self exclusion. When I was here last time many of my friends here were in early days GF too, so many have done so well remaining gamble free whilst I was away it filled me with so much hope looking them up and finding how they had remained GF one day at a time. There is hope for us all, hope you keep coming back and can see that too biggest hugs

A Home away from home and a haven for anyone suffering the affects of gamlbing addiction. Here you will find support care and advice. Everyone is welcome. Please be respectful of other members opinions at all times.