thegoodearth

A not to new story

Posted on 05/10/09, 05:06 pm

25 yr old son with me, he in the last 2 years has been arrested for DUI, lost 2 jobs and quit 1, dropped out of school, is broke no vehicle........what I want to do is say get clean and sober, I'll help you with a vehicle/insurance a place to stay until you can save enough money to get your own, I don't know if this will work, I guess I'm taking a chance, but you have to stay sober.....I'm getting pretty burnt with this idea, but I want to give him a chance.....I'm confused....ANY straight forward hones input would be appreciated.......thanks

• Reply #1 05/11/09  1:40pm
  
  whozbop
  TGE,I know exactly how you feel. We want to be there for out chidren. But at some point in everyone's life being there for one's self needs to be acheieved. Last year my hubby and I spent close to $1000.00 if not more helping our daughter. She recieved assistance with her utilities from us and county agency. All of this financial help should have made it possible for her not to get behind in her bills. But that is not what happen. And now her phone is turned off. Thank God it will be only for a short time. I wantted desparately to help her. In the light of the fact she is paying $178.00 for a my granddaughter's birthday party in didn't. She doesn't have tag on her car. She pays late fees on her rent every month. I made some suggestion with regard to all of this when she recieves he income tax return. She told me point blank she would not follow my suggestions. I have friend who says" if you don't like what you are getting stop doing what you are doing".
  The 7th tradition has be real helpful in this area.We are self-support-ing through our OWN contributions. It is part of the foundation for my program. Not long ago we went to the church for help. It was given to us. We were told this would be the last time they could help us. It was time for us to stand on our own two feet. I was also placed in the same situation when my uncle called and need help with his rent. He went to two organization which help him. I sent him money for gasoline. I discovered later he still continued to gamble. This is what got him in the situation he was in. Prior to that he and his wife live in their car for two yrs. Gambling put them there. You telling your son you will help as long as he stays sober is not going to make him stay sober. If it was me I would help after he is sober for a while. In my early sobriety I road the bus and walked until I could get a car. I stopped drinking/using because I no long like the gutter I was living in. I suggest you get to an Alanon meeting. Talk this over with your sponsor. What step are you on? What my hubby and I finally did was to ask ourselves this question: If this was a friend would we help? Our answer was NO. All I have mentioned was shared in love. God be with.
  Tina

A place where anyone struggeling with a friends or family members drinking problems and how it affects your life i am no expert i am currently struggeling with the same thing and would encourage anyone who would like to share thoughts feelings any help we can give each other all ages welcome thanks Kev