I think its time I finally admitted I need advice with this..

My now ex-husband developed a drinking problem during the last 5 yrs of our marriage.. it started as a shot of bourbon at night to help him sleep, then it seems I blinked and somewhere it turned into 4 large bottles of bourbon a week.. One night after a violent fight, my brother who was only 21 at the time, told my husband he had 2 choices detox or jail.. he agreed to go to detox. He was there for a month, came home, and after that first week the violence continued. I tried to explain I couldnt take it anymore and I thought we should split up.. he ran out and bought a bottle.. and I left..

He wasnt working.. he barely worked even when he was employed, I continued to pay everything for our household.. as well as gave money to the friend that let me stay with her... he agreed to go back into treatment.. I paid for a different rehab facility for him, he got out and seemed ok.. so I came home to try again.. it didnt work.. he was still violent and just all around mean.. I couldnt understand why.. I was doing everything he wanted, I left him alone to play his video games all day.. I didnt fight for him to get a job or any kind of fight to stress him into drinking again.. his mother would constantly tell me I wasnt strong enough to help him stop drinking.. I was to weak.. I didnt fight enough.. I guess she didnt understand it was hard to fight when someone has their hands wrapped around your neck and is trying to kill you.

One morning I open the refrigerator and there is a case of beer in there..instead of not drinking at all he thought trading in the bourbon for beer was acceptable.. I called his mother and she came and got him.. I thought she would stop him from drinking.. instead she introduced him to another woman and a month later they were living together.. We stayed in semi-contact while we went through the divorce process. He did yet another trip to detox and that time it supposedly worked.. the new woman knew how to support him properly.. (apparently I sucked at it).. after two years the new girlfriend started to lose her condo to foreclosure, she couldnt pay her bills (my ex still hasnt worked). She got so depressed she couldnt get out of bed.. she even tried suicide.. well her behavior "forced" him to drink again.. he couldnt take it.. They lost the condo.. she moved in with her dad and he moved to Fl to live with an ex from 20yrs ago.. this time he will go to detox, and get a job

I tried to be a friend.. he has NO friends at all to talk to.. I tried to be a support system.. since he has gotten to Fl I get the drunken dialing calls where he wants to fight about our relationship (over 2 yrs now).. he wants to complain about the woman he is living with.. and apparently now he is bi-sexual and feels he wants to give me details on his "dates"... I stopped answering the phone..

5 days ago I get a voicemail.. he is in detox yet again.. I was so happy and relieved he was making the effort.
3 days ago I get a voicemail he was kicked out of detox, the nurses there called him the most abrasive man they'd ever met and the woman he lived with kicked him out as well.. now he is homeless and penniless in Fl.. his mother sent him money he used to put gas in the van and a carton of cigarettes.. but didnt use it to come back up here to live with her like she wanted him too...

When he called me this time, it was from a bar.. I asked how he is sitting in a bar when he has no money? he said he was being "the bitch" and men were buying him drinks.. he also said not to worry about him eating, he will find men to buy him dinner.. my heart sunk

I asked him how much lower he needs to go to find rock bottom and get some help.. I am worried sick and feeling guilty as hell over all of this.. and hes PROUD of the fact that the nurses called him the most abrasive person they've met.. I told him I could no longer be his friend and hung up the phone.. I feel horrible.. but I can not take the pain of it anymore.. this is not the man I married..

I am not a fighter, never have been... If my feelings get hurt I back down.. it was so easy for him to control every aspect of our lives together before the alcoholism added to it.. whatever he wanted he got,.. now I keep wondering which fight would of made a difference.. If I didnt back down and just hung on a little longer... which point should I of left before the alcoholism, maybe he would of went back to his mother sooner and not be the alcoholic he is today... I am so full of stress and guilt and can not stop crying... I wont send him money because I know he will only use it to drink.. I have no idea how to help him.. his life is such a mess..