I added this group a few weeks ago, and I have just been kind of lurking around and checking things out. I just have a sittuation in my life currently that I would like to talk about. So I was raised around NA, I have been walking around hugging strangers pretty much since I've been born. My father is a recovering addict with 24 years clean, my step mother is a recovering addict with somewhere around there. My mother is activly using, and has been my entire life. I have 3 older brother. One is working on staying sober, one is in prison, and the other is 20 years old, and currently just relapsed. I have 3 sisters, one is 28 and she is living a clean and happy life, I have a twin sister is who currently in recovery and has 4 months clean, and the youngest is too young for any of that yet. Anyhow, my middle brother, the one who currently relapsed, has broken my heart. My whole life, I have never really had my big brother's there for me. they get clean, they stick around, I try and help all I can, but as soon as they use again, our relationships are diminished. but my middle brother, only 20 years young. he came to me over a year ago, he called me and told me that he had crashed his car the night before, he could not remember how, and where his car was. he was taking some pills, smoking pot, and drinking. i picked him up, we searched for his car, called around to the inpounds. i screamed at my brother, yelled and screamed about how he could have killed someone else, he could have killed himself. i was in tears, so mad that his addiction had took him this far. wwhen i was done, he looked at me, he started crying and he said " i can't live like this anymore" right then and there, i took him to an NA meeting, we held hands through the whole thing, and we both cried through the whole thing. he moved out of my moms, and into my dads. the conditions were that he go to school, go to meetings and if dad thought he was using, that he be drug tested and kicked out, had be been using. over the past year, him and i got so close. we did everything together. i went to a lot of his first month of mettings with him. i felt bad, he lost all of his friends, because they all used. so i always offered for him to hang out with me. about 2 months ago, i sensed he was using. everything was just so weird. he was lying about everything. and i went to him crying, begging him to tell me the truth. and the way he looked at me when i was crying, like he just didn't care, let me know, that this was not the brother i got to know. my dad started noticing also. so he asked my brother to take a drug test. my brother said "i can not believe you dont trust me!" and just the whole 9 went on and on about how he's moving out since he was not trusted. so he got kicked out. and he has been activly using, ever since. it breaks my heart right in two. the friends he has been hanging out with, use cocaine, and God only knows what other pills. i am so scared for my brother, scared to death. i find myself crying to him, explaining how much i am hurt that he is not longer in my life, but when he looks at me the way he does, and just doesn't care, i realize, that this is not at all, my brother. this is a sick, suffering addict. it's so hard for me, because i like to pick one of two extremes. i either, hold on tight, and press my point as much as i can. emotionally exhaust myself, trying to help the brother i know is in there somewhere. that, or its just cut off. not see him, not talk to him, not anything, because it is all much too painful for me to see. my problem is, letting go, and just taking what i know i can. the thing is, he is high, everytime i see him. there is never a time where he is sober. everytime i go to my moms, he and my mom are smoking a bowl together, or hes drinking, or something. and it makes me sick to see. i miss him so much and theres nothing more i want than for him to be in my life. but it's so hard.
i am so grateful that i am able to share my story, and hopefully i can hear some simmular ones to help me with mine.
thanks and god bless