autumn2672003

The Second Step.

Posted on 12/09/08, 01:07 am

Came to believe that a Power (As we individually define it) greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.


This is the tricky one for most. It is obviously pretty profound and it brings to the table 'spirituality' which combined with religion can be a very touchy subject. Whatever you define your religion to be (Catholic, Methodist, Muslim, Jewish) or not to be (Agnostic, Atheist) or even completely undefined all of us have a spirituality within us. For example, I am a long standing Atheist. And this step brought some difficult and somewhat emotional self searching for me. It was hard for me to rectify my beliefs and find a fit into ALANON's teachings. ALANON specifically maintains the stance that the POWER we choose is completely up to us. I chose my Power to be my 'self-worth' as I defined it. My rationalized my 'self worth' is what needed this strength, and needed to be supported and seek answers. As you read this I would like you all to think about what the word POWER means. Not in just the ALANON sense of the word. POWER means strength, control, and a higher level of understanding. To find a power will allow you to take these teachings and apply them, cultivate them and embrace them as truth. Please post what you have come to define as your POWER and share with the rest of us.

• Reply #1 12/09/08  7:27am
  
  lanie516
  To me power means taking control of your life, not allowing another person's words or actions to define your mood or your self esteem. It means putting ME first and allowing the other person to make his or her own choices and not trying to "fix" them.
• Reply #2 12/09/08  10:39am
  
  autumn2672003
  Has your definition helped you in gaining an understanding of what has been taught in ALANON? How has it helped with your dealings with the addict?
• Reply #3 12/09/08  4:37pm
  
  lanie516
  The belief I have about control of our own lives only is not new. I was working diligently on a self-help program most of the summer (the midwest program for stress and anxiety) and learned a lot about how trying to control others is a waste of time. I fell backwards in my program once my house in NJ was sold and I started packing and moved here to NC in early Oct. Anyway, I do really believe the truth to this, and I think the more you lay off a person, the more they will do what you may want them to do anyway. That's not my goal but I've decided I can't take responsibility for his or anyone's actions or decisions (not even my grown sons). I am dealing better with hubby and if he goes for a glass of wine as he did last night I say nothing. At first I wasn't going to tell him that I joined al-anon, maybe b/c I didn't want to start any big discussion or argument, but when I told him it was no big deal. I just said this has nothing to do with you. It's all about me. He said you know you can't change a person unless they want to change and I said yes I know that. I did a little reading today but then was out most of the day but I want to read more and more and get myself better.
• Reply #4 12/09/08  7:01pm
  
  Terianne
  My higher power, is in my reliance upon, God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
  
  The word Power for me is: hopeful, comforting, strength building, reliability, trust worthiness, guiding me, and in control. My power came to me in the form of giving up control. Giving up the belief that I was the one in control of the things around me and for me this not only included me; this included my husband and I together and what I thought we both wanted, my children and what was best for them - even as my oldest became an 18 yr old adult.
  
  I had to give up thinking that "I" was in control of anything and recognize that there is something out there in this world that is greater or larger than I and in control.
  
  This was difficult for me because many things had occurred in my life that I was not in control of, and were not good for me. So I thought I would take control it (it being my life) and make it (my life) better! But yet again, things became out of control, no matter how much I did not want them to, or how hard I tried to control them!! Spiralling some might say! This was a very difficlt thing for me.
  
  So I "Came to believe" a little bit at a time...this took some time but eventually, I did come to believe and I do believe in a Power Greater than myself that can restore me to sanity. Because just plainly speaking - my life had become "insane" all on it's own!! The insanity didn't need my help, it was there all on it's own whether I liked it or not.
  
  Since I started participating in this group specifically and writing in my journal..it has helped me to put things into perspective again... a little bit at a time!
  
  While my husband was alive, things just never slowed down long enough for me to process one thing, before I was hit with another and bigger issue. I had forgotten to mention that my husband was also diagnosed with bi-polar disorder Type II in 1993. I only mention this now because self medication for people with this disorder is common and maybe it will help someone else to know there is someone here who does understand both sides.
  
  Had I not been strengthened by my earlier life growing up... I never would have had the tools to get through any of this. So there is a plan for me, designed by some power, greater than me; that is in contol. I have learned to rely and trust in this power to restore my life to sanity again!!
• Reply #5 12/10/08  7:39am
  
  lanie516
  Yes, the realization that we only have control over our own lives is a great step in the right direction.
• Reply #6 12/11/08  11:01am
  
  livingtoday
  I am havig such a hard time with this step. My first step was so easy I woke up and boom everyting was out of control. Addiction had taken over my life and I didn't touch a substance. But I had no money, no friends, no anything, just completely lost. I was a mushroom...... left in the dark and fed shit for so long.
  
  But if I am in control of my life then what higher power is going to help me. I don't believe in "god" like others do. And I only feel weak so that higher power isn't in me?
  
  Will this step hit me over the head like the first step did?
• Reply #7 12/11/08  11:57am
  
  Terianne
  All you need is a seed of faith in something greaer than you... this is your higher power. Be patient with yourself, keep it simple. One day at a time and all the other slogans... It will come and it will grow.
• Reply #8 12/19/08  2:53am
  
  sadanger
  yes I can! now how do I do it. lol No my power is god. Or rather a large ball of energy, made of love!
• Reply #9 12/19/08  11:56am
  
  zen11
  The Universe is my power.
  
  I'm still new to this. Only recently came out of denial that my stbx is an alcoholic. I've made great strides in my co-dependency but have a hard time dealing with him and his thinking/priorities. They still end up effecting me and my children.
• Reply #10 05/05/09  3:02pm
  
  lyndseshell
  Okay, I am also having trouble getting my mind around this... I am basically a non-believer in a "god". So I think that this is my trouble. getting past that thought that a higher power has to be a god.
  
  I would like to give everything over to something but I just don't know to waht. I liked zen's answer of the universe. One thing that I do believe strongly in is karma. I think that might be my higher power. I just don't think that I know enough to decided for sure yet.

Online meeting of ALANON-NARCONON featuring literature, support and discussion.