Discussion Topic

Step One for Al Anon

Posted on 01/01/11, 02:33 pm
These questions come from the Al Anon book Paths to Recovery

1. Do I accept that I cannot control another person's drinking? Another person's behavior?

2. How do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine?

3. Do I accept that alcoholism is a disease/ How does that change how I deal with the drinker?

4. How have I tried to change others in my life/ What were the consequences?

5. What means have I used to get what I want and need? What might work better to get my needs met?

6. How do I feel when the alcoholic refuses to be and do what I want/ How do I respond?

7. What would happen if I stopped trying to change the alcoholic or anyone else?

8. How can I let go of others' problems instead of trying to solve them?

9. Am I looking for a quick fix to my problems? Is there one?

10. In what situations do I feel excessive responsibility for other people?

(Here are the first ten questions of twenty-three questions for Step One, taken from Paths to Recovery)
Showing 4 Replies
  • Reply #1 01/02/11  10:02pm
    1. I have come to accept the fact and reality that I have no control or power over the disease of alcoholism nor the behavior/choices made by the alcoholic.
    2. I cannot project my thoughts and reactions on the alcoholic and expect him to do the same things and have the same reactions as I do.
    3. I accept that alcoholism is a disease. I used to think that some of the decisions made by the alcoholic were specifically done against me. I feel compassion for the alcoholic.
    4. I have continually wanted to change the people in my life: my sisters, parents, friends and then my husband and children. I wanted to control their behaviors and DO IT MY WAY.
    5. I have used whining, complaining, criticizing. I can clearly and calmly state what my needs are.
    6. Over the years I tried so hard to convince the alcoholic that he would be better off doing what I wanted him to do, for example go to college. It was a disaster. I was crushed and filled with fear.
    7. I have stopped trying to change the alcoholic, specially his choices. Still working on letting my husband be who he is.
    8. I can accept that they have a God/HP in their lives and I would truly resent someone trying to "fix me."
    9. I don't think that I still desire a quick fix. Al Anon and AA doesn't work that way.
    10. I used to feel responsibility for my son's housing. He is now homeless and after working continuously to get housing for my son, I have let go of that effort.
  • Reply #2 08/18/12  10:42pm
    8. How can I let go of others' problems instead of trying to solve them? i can't solve much of anything except housing maybe or a car....i'm not good with toxics at all, addicts, mentally disturbed, etc., can't stand any of them.

    9. Am I looking for a quick fix to my problems? Is there one? cutting all ties with toxic people is the way to go also cutting all ties with all who know the toxic person is the best thing to do to keep all of it OUT.

    10. In what situations do I feel responsibility for other people? financial - like if i don't support them, but then i'll do an about face and its like, pay your share or get out.

    these are excellent questions!
  • Reply #3 08/18/12  10:43pm
    crazy, criminal, addict, dumkopf people stay that way, they just get better at covering it up.
  • Reply #4 08/19/12  10:48am
    I have an overabundance of the need to care for people. Unfortunately, it is a safe way to deny what I need to do to care for myself.

    Thanks 79 pounds for sharing your thoughts.

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