Discussion Topic

What Makes A Narcissist Angry?

Posted on 12/04/12, 08:59 am
Today I am home recouperating from minor foot surgery - what an eye opener as I stand back and look at my elderly N mom getting angry this week. Now I know - it's because the focus is NOT on her for a change. I do not have to do back flips to make her come out of this mood. There is nothing I can or want to do about it. It's her it's not me. The voices in my head are leaving. Why does it take so long to heal? She thinks our cleaning lady is the only one who can clean up. It's so deep imbeded in my mind that I can't do it, but I can, I know I can I just have to ignore the voices, they are harmless. Easy to say, but I can do it! I stand at the kitchen and want to organize the new pantry shelves but I think it has to be perfect (Nmom). No it just needs to work for me, me alone, I'm the one using the kitchen now. When Nmom's eyes tear up because she is no longer able to dance around the kitchen I don't need to take it personally. I need to live my life for me. Love you all, MineraPearl aka Minnie

What Makes A Narcissist Angry?
The answer is really pretty easy--the narcissist gets angry when he can't have his way. The narcissist basically thinks the world should stand at her feet and wait for instructions. Well, you've probably noticed that the world just isn't going to do that.

The narcissist also wants to be adored and appreciated, and often is. Narcissists are usually superstars of one kind or another, but generally can't get quite enough worship and adoration to suit their inflated ego needs--and there comes the anger.

Nobody likes criticism, or being ignored. But if you have narcissistic tendencies, that will literally drive you through the roof. While a narcissist might normally be happier than most people, she can fly into anger very quickly and easily in some cases.

Keep in mind we're talking about human beings here, so none of this applies to everyone across the board.


Showing 7 Replies
  • Reply #1 12/05/12  8:45am
    Boy, did you hit it on the head. A narc can't take anyone getting attention for anything that is NOT them.
    The world must and always does surround them.

    My narc mother always told me I was a real wimp when I was sick. Then she gets a stomach problem and stops eating for a mother ends up in hospital and everything claiming she nearly died....from a simple 24 hours virus.
  • Reply #2 12/05/12  4:22pm
    My mother always goes to the hospital when she thinks she's not getting enough attention. It is usually when someone else is really sick or having a terrible problem.j
  • Reply #3 12/05/12  9:16pm
    This is so true. Someone else getting attention means they are not getting their full supply like an addict having to do without.
  • Reply #4 12/14/12  6:52pm
    Love your post! I like your revelation about the kitchen. There was a huge chunk of my life where I'd never start projects for fear they wouldn't be perfect and would face nmom's ridicule. Now that voice (like yours) is disappearing and it's all about doing what I need to do to have a happy, functional life. It amazes me how long I felt like crap and incapable to do the simplest tasks.
  • Reply #5 12/24/12  8:52am
    Here's a list of my experiences with N anger and causes:

    1. (obvious and already listed) When they are not the center of attention

    There's an N at the end of our street, she will talk forever about herself. When someone changes the subject and begins to talk about something else, she gets mad and tries to start in again. The look on her face is very odd. Like adult anger, mixed with a child-like hurt.

    2. When you don't believe one of their lies.

    Ns love telling lies, it's part of their psychology. When someone doesn't believe them, this really rocks the N's world because they're so used to everyone believing them. I had a partner who told me all kinds of lies and when I would shove the evidence of the lie in front of his face, he'd explode. It worked every time. I'd even play a game where I'd let him tell me a lie and then put something near his plate that would show he was lying the next morning. Good times.

    3. When you like someone else, even if you are pretending just for fun.

    I was at a party and met a girl and we hit it off. My N partner (same as above) was there as the new girl and I were both laughing and just playing around. I said "Wow, you're great, we should get married." Just joking around like that. My N partner remained calm until we got into the car and then exploded. He was crazy enough to actually think I was contemplating marriage with a girl that I just met, even though I'm gay, even though she was a total stranger, etc. Wow... just... wow. And I could not get him to see how illogical his anger was, it was just because I actually liked someone ELSE, not him.

    4. When you bring any faults to their attention.

    Ns DO NOT like to have their flaws brought into focus. I have an N sister who goes ballistic when you bring anything up that shows she is not perfect. It's like clockwork, you simply state a truth and watch as she explodes.

    5. Ns do not like someone else getting control over ANY situation. If they're not in charge, they freak.
  • Reply #6 12/25/12  4:15pm
    sounds like my parents and ex friend. my mom always claim she is having a heart attack when it is just acid reflux and my sister told the hospital doctors/nurses how she does this for attention and they just looked at my mom. my mom looked at my sister like she wanted to kill her i told this to ppl as well lol. my parents need constant attention no wonder they wont get a divorce
  • Reply #7 12/27/12  12:28am
    Narcissists have a fake reality in their minds. this keeps them feeling "secure"...or whatever. they will do whatever they need/have to do to keep that false reality in check. ANYTHING that takes away from that, including them not feeling like the center of the world, creates abusive rage...

    johnnyz...how can you stay with a Npartner? don't you want out of that experience?

    i hope you guys get through these holidays...ladytiger...hope you are well!!! :) x


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Recovery for adult children of narcissistic parents. From never really being allowed a voice independence and freedom to be an individual while being totally dependent on your narcissistic parents. It is similar to losing a parent as a child. It is possible to recover but it can take many years of therapy. You must come to grips with the fact that you didnt have what most people would consider an entitlement. But that doesnt mean you cannot become a fulfilled person as an adult.