lindalawson

Adult children od Alcoholics

Posted on 10/09/09, 08:27 pm

Hi, I am new to this , my sister suggested this for me. My father was an alcoholic and abusive verbally, physically, sexually. I guess I do not realize how much I hang onto it all. I was 7 when he died, he committed suicide, which probably saved our lives. I have problems with my self asteem and just feel like a useless, dumb loser but cover all that up with humor most of the time. Humor gets me through it but does not make it go away. Any help or advice would be appreciated. thank you, linda

• Reply #1 10/09/09  9:14pm
  
  okiyoe1
  Welcome!! Personally i drank and also became a Alcoholic. But I got sober when I was 26, I read up on the things you mentioned verbal abuse , neglect, sexual abuse, the roles we play to deflect our feelings of loneliness. Some good authors on the subject< Claudia Black , Pia Melodie,Terry Gorski, John Bradshaw, Alice Miller, Janet Wolholtz and the list is infinite . I have attended AA , Alanon, Acoa meeting. They all have website with info about meeting in your home town , literature , meeting on-line and so much more . For me , along with getting a understanding of how it affects my life today. I also sought help in Counseling to help sift through it all and for direction in addressing it. D/s has many support groups also, Alanon is very much a active group here Friends and Families of Alcoholics and addicts and many more. But I needed face to face with those who understood and were willing to help. Message me if you need any suggesting, as I cannot give you any advice other than it want go away at all without some serious participation on my part.
  Billy
• Reply #2 10/09/09  9:36pm
  
  lindalawson
  Thank you for your reply, unfortunately, there does not seem to be any groups in my area as far as I could find. Any help or any groups you know of would help. I t would be good to talk to someone with similar experiences as I tend to scare people away who cannot comprehend the whole idea of the the subject. Thank you, Linda
• Reply #3 10/10/09  6:18am
  
  okiyoe1
  I hear you, It is a foreign thought to most that I can't just get over it!!!! Excuse me!! but there must be a Alanon meeting close- or at least a treatment center AA meeting I would think . In either meeting you would hear the language of what we are talking about. Ask for help who knows, or it may be hard or not But how about your Sister?
  Billy
• Reply #4 10/10/09  7:29am
  
  lindalawson
  Thanks for your reply. The closest meetings are anywhere from an hour and a half away and up! As far as alanon or AA I do not know, I would have to look into it, but that is not the same thing is it? I am not a drinker myself. My sister lives in Florida and I am in a small town in N.Y., The sticks, literally! There is not much around here at all. I will keep looking but right now online seems the only choice right now. I have been sick recently so I am off from work for a little while but when I go back, I work the night shift 11pm- 9am so that would not leave much time to be going off to meetings anyway. I just thought while I was recovering if I could find one I would go. This seems like the best way for now I guess, do they have group discussions online? Thank you for your help. Linda
• Reply #5 10/10/09  9:07am
  
  okiyoe1
  Yes!! on ACOA website, and its very easy to register and get a on-line almost immediately!!!
  Have a good Day,
  Billy
• Reply #6 10/10/09  11:57am
  
  lindalawson
  Yes, I did i think that is how i got in touch with you. I really do not hear from anyone else and have not seen many topics of abuse. Unless I am looking in the wrong place, but I am registered, that is how I found out there are no groups for that around me. Thanks though i will keep looking. Maybe it was not meant to be. Who knows? I kinda think I am so set in my ways by now, not sure what can change. Thank you for all your kind words though! Linda
• Reply #7 10/19/09  4:39am
  
  terrys
  You can look for alanon, coda or ea meetings in your area not just acoa all deal with adult chidren's issues if not exclusively and can be helpful. In the non 12step area there are other programs faith based for example that deal with the issues of growing up in an alchoholic home. You might contact church or mental health groups in your area to find them. On line is helpful too though as is literature on the subject.
• Reply #8 10/20/09  5:37pm
  
  LisaACOA
  Hi Linda!! Welcome to the group!! You have been given some great advice. I am glad that you are here and I hope you enjoy the group.
  
  Here is another book that you will find helpful...
  
  "The Language of Letting Go"
  By Beattie Melody
  
  Big Hugs!! ~XX~ LisaACOA
  
• Reply #9 10/28/09  12:30am
  
  Sherrall
  Hi linda, I am so glad your sister suggested this for you. I know how hard it is to reach out, when you have been abused this way.
  I am so proud of you for reaching out for help, this is a great way to feel your way through. Remember your not a lone.
  
  Both my mother and father were alcoholic's, I think my mother is still one, but she hides it so well now, or I just don't have much contact with her these day, it just too hard. I have lots of guilt about it, but we learn we need to look out for our selfs, other will do as they chose, and we must do what we must do to protect our selfs.
  
  I think for me, the biggest turning point was when the therapist, and I went to therapy for over 15 years to learn to come to term with all the abuse, I was sexually abused too, plus physically and emotionally, and it cost me so very much. Well the therapist got me connected with a support group for adult children of sexual abuse. I went to 3 different group, each one more in depth with over coming the hurt it causes. It was so very liberating being in a group of other females, and being able to talk about my childhood, and not seeing the horror on there faces, or the pity. It was so very empowering to realize it was not my fault, and I didn't not bring this on.
  At the end I was ask to do a speech to over 450 people on my story. Boy I was so freaked out, but it was so empowering, and it kind of set me free.
  
  Can you go to your Dr. and ask to see some one, or maybe your Dr. knows of a support group in your area. It is tough, and can really test you, but I grew so much in those years. I still have my bad days, but all in all I am so much healthier, and stronger for pushing through, and letting other see the real me, and for me to learn how to love me.
  
  Sending you positive thoughts, and lots of love.
  Gentle hugs, Sherrall

A Support Group for Adult Children of Alcoholics