yep, the low self-esteem and dependence on others to define your own feelings is a classic ACOA statement.
I found that "The Language of Letting Go" book and lots of meetings, counseling, etc has helped...I'm 55 and still strugle with these issues, so I can relate!
Discussion Topic
Trouble with Life
Posted on 10/09/09, 10:54 am
Hello Everyone,
I am new and not sure quite what to say. I am in my mid 40's. My father was (still is) the alcoholic parent, and he is now in his early 70's. My mother (now in her mid 70's and suffering from Alzheimer's Disease for about the past 5 years) was not an alcoholic but just always angry, irritable, and physically abusive. One thing I will say for my father is that he never once hit me.
I have a lot of trouble with my self-esteem and self-confidence. I believe I rely on other people too much to define how I feel about myself. I am very sensitive, but quite good at masking it to others (who may hurt me). The older I get, the more trouble I seem to have with keeping and finding a job that is satisfying. I just want to be respected and appreciated by my employers (but I guess I am just asking too much). None of my jobs in the past 10 years have ever worked out for me. I was much more successful when I was younger. I blame myself for my problems. Is there any one out there who can relate to my troubles?
I am new and not sure quite what to say. I am in my mid 40's. My father was (still is) the alcoholic parent, and he is now in his early 70's. My mother (now in her mid 70's and suffering from Alzheimer's Disease for about the past 5 years) was not an alcoholic but just always angry, irritable, and physically abusive. One thing I will say for my father is that he never once hit me.
I have a lot of trouble with my self-esteem and self-confidence. I believe I rely on other people too much to define how I feel about myself. I am very sensitive, but quite good at masking it to others (who may hurt me). The older I get, the more trouble I seem to have with keeping and finding a job that is satisfying. I just want to be respected and appreciated by my employers (but I guess I am just asking too much). None of my jobs in the past 10 years have ever worked out for me. I was much more successful when I was younger. I blame myself for my problems. Is there any one out there who can relate to my troubles?
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Reply #1 10/09/09 12:35pm
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Reply #2 10/09/09 9:20pm
Hey, I'm with Peggy su on this many books on the subject along with counseling and a lot of understanding people in AA,Alanon and ACA meetings has been my greatest tools in addressing all of this .
Billy -
Reply #3 10/09/09 9:46pm
Thank you to both Peggsu2 and Okiyoe1 for your responses and good advice. I will definitely check out THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO book suggested.
MFL in NH -
Reply #4 11/05/09 9:00am
I can relate to the low self esteem and no confidence. It was all taken away when I was a child by my so called father. I play the victim really well. I am now 54 years old and I am sick of my father still in my head. He killed himself in 1974! I think its time to kill him out of my mind only, I don't know how. I am seeing a therapist and hope she can help me along. I really want to get on with life and not be a victim anymore.I have a good sense of humor that always gets me through the tough spots and helps me hide my true feelings away growing up.
Now for the past 10 years I am in a wheelchair and have alot of time to think about my past and how it has affected me and others. I still have anger that seems to rise up at times and I end up taking it out on my husband who I love so very much, instead of the things and people that have caused me to be the way I am.
Welcome
