Kahlua13

Please pray for us

Posted on 10/21/09, 09:04 pm

My son is 12. We became foster parents when he was 4 and adoption was final when he was 6 1/2. He is going through a difficult time. He is right now so shut down on me and so defiant and doing dangerous things. We have been going to counseling since he was 5. Have tried various meds for ADHD. I don't know if this is a cry for help/attention, or if this is serious clinical depression (runs in both of his bio parents.) I don't know if this is anger, if he is kidding to get my attention, or what. But I am scared and at my wits end. If it gets any worse I will have no choice but to take him to the crisis center or the hospital.

Please, please, pray for us!

• Reply #1 10/26/09  5:23pm
  
  Mouse8844
  Hi Have listenned to your request
  it must be so hard for you but hopefully you can get him to talk to you to see how he is feeling
  I think it must be so hard for these kids to have to be seperated from their bio family through no fault of their own yet they have the feeling of rejection from the people in this world who are supposed to love u the most and do anything for you
  yet he has been abandoned and he must indeed have feelings of anger....who wouldn't
  he is also heading into the time of puberty so that magnifies everything
  I hope you can get some help and resolve this for him and for you
• Reply #2 10/26/09  5:57pm
  
  Kahlua13
  Update: The behavior was so dangerous that we called the counselor and she told us to call the police and have him taken to the crisis center. Which we did. 2 days in the crisis center. The counselor says to me the next day that she did not think things were that bad. Maybe now he will get the help he needs. And I am hoping some group therapy. Maybe if he sees he is not alone.... But Thank God! Today was a good day. he did well in school and actually came home with a smile on his face and gave me a hug when he came home. I constantly feel judged. it is so overwhelming. And I judge myself very harshly as well. But keep praying if you would. I appreciate it!
  
  I have been telling the counselors for years: "We keep addressing our parenting skills and the behaviors. When does someone really sit down with him and talk with him about how he is feeling and how he is coping?" Never got that addressed. Maybe now we will. This past week (hopefully) was just a huge cry for help.
• Reply #3 10/27/09  7:05pm
  
  Mouse8844
  Does he talk to you?
  I hope you are able to talk to him and to reassure him first that you love him and he can say anything without your love being taken away.If you can get on too what is eating him up inside now you will have more hope than when he is older.
  
  I am puzzled as to why you feel judged.Don't judge yourself let God do that.Give him love and above all security.Poor kid must feel very abandoned by his parents.He was 4 when he was fostered out so not only wouldn't he understand why ,even if he had the knowledge there is still in an adoptees mind "they could have tried harder" "wasn't I worth them changing for me" do you see what i mean.Even I as an adult know that my adoption was forced and i still think she should have tried hader.How hard it must be for a child who has memories of his parents.My heart goes out to him and to you who have all this to deal with.After all where would he be without you.
• Reply #4 10/28/09  12:34pm
  
  Kahlua13
  He was in & out of foster care the entire 1st four years of his life. And when he was with bio parents, he was abused and neglected. This has always been such a huge concern of mine, that no one (professional) ever really dug into this with him. Thank God for my dog!!! Gives us an excuse to go for walks together! We go 30 minutes to 45 minutes and we talk. Sometimes about heavy stuff, sometimes about school, sometimes just stupid stuff. I don't care, as long as he is talking to me! I know he has so much deep down inside and he doesn't know how to deal with it all. Now, he is so angry with the counselor (for telling us to call the police) that he won't talk to her.
  
  After 9 years of counselors picking apart our parenting skills, it can play on your psyche. I constantly feel "not good enough". My own brother called the other day and when I mentioned this to him, he says "Well, if 6 counselors are telling you that your parenting skills aren't great...." And he implied that we were beating him!!!!!!! OMG!
  
  Anyway, not giving up. Thanks for your prayers and support!

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