penny721

What Does Being An Adult...

Posted on 10/26/09, 10:23 am

mean to you?

I am in my twenties.live with my mom.and i have a mental as well as a physical illness.and i am wondering if i am just a child playing a grown ups game.it has me concerned.the next time i go to see my therapist i will talk to her about this.but i want to have your imput also.if you would like to share. and i hope you do. :)

thank you
penny

• Reply #1 10/26/09  12:45pm
  
  Lizzie
  I feel the same, Penny. But the truth is nowadays especially in bigger cities is it almost impossible to move out and get your own place even for non disabled people. In the UK we pay to go to university so when you leave you already have thousands of pounds of debt. Then, because everyone has been to uni, it does not mark you out and so unless you have worked extra hard and got some sort of work experience or something while also studying fulltime, you are struggling to get a job against thousands of other applicants. It is really tough nowadays. A lot of people I know live with their parents. The only way I have managed to move out is that my parents purchased a flat. I and my boyfriend pay rent, which covers the mortgage payments, and we pay all the bills. So it is a kind of independence but I still feel immature and cripplingly guilty if I think about it.
  
  I also feel immature since I do not wear makeup or high heels or drive, I have never been out to get drunk or had any of the other rites of passage which others do. Not that I want these, but not having them makes me feel different and less mature, if that makes sense.
  
  Is there anything you could do to make yourself feel more adult? If you have a job, can you contribute to the household? If not, if you receive any benefits from the government, pay a small amount from these to your mum so that shows you are paying your way as much as you can. If you really cannot afford to pay anything, is there anything else you could do? Something round the house maybe, doing more chores to 'pay' your keep in that way. Or one of my friends used to get her mum flowers to show her appreciation that her mum was looking after her.
• Reply #2 10/26/09  9:51pm
  
  VickieM
  i feel the same way
• Reply #3 10/27/09  10:43am
  
  penny721
  :) I do all of your last paragraph lizzie.i have a job.and pay bills.do chores.but i think i feel non adult like is because what you hinted at.the majority of people my age are working,kids,hooking up,bars,drinking, marriage, and drugs.and i know some or maybe all people with disabilities feel the same..like they do not measure up to the majority their own age.it is illuminating, i don t know if i used the right word. knowing that other people with disabilities feel the same as i do is enlightening.im not saying im thrilled that others feel this way. i dont know how to put it. but i hope you get what i am trying to say. that you feel less alone....maybe. but thank you both for replying as fast as you did. :):)
• Reply #4 10/27/09  11:50am
  
  Lizzie
  I see what you mean Penny. But I think if you manage to pay your way in some fashion and take responsibilities, you are an adult. Those things like going to bars really make someone less mature, not more in my opinion. I like to have a couple of drinks but usually at home with people I care about, not with random herds of shouting drunk acquaintances from work in a vastly overpriced pub or bar.
• Reply #5 11/09/09  9:53pm
  
  Beaumont
  Great topic, Penny721.
  
  It's important to know that we don't all follow the same path in life. Try not to judge yourself in all things by what others are doing; they may be headed down paths to places you do not want to end up in life. I agree with Lizzie: engaging in overly risky behavior such as heavy drinking, drugging, 'casual' romantic relationships, cursing, and other crude behaviors are not marks of maturity, but rather marks of immaturity at any age - not that you are necessarily doing any of those things. Never allow peer pressure to force you into doing things that could harm you permanently (don't catch any diseases or end up in prison or get the wrong kind of reputation if you can possibly avoid it!), and if your peer group is doing things you don't want for yourself, you might want to enforce your personal boundaries or even find new friends, if ever that should be the case.
  
  If you want to measure yourself, think less of what others are doing and think more of your personal progress - compared to yourself a year ago or ten years ago, have you made progress? Measure yourself in this deeply personal way.
  
  If you have goals in life and you are working towards achieving them, then rest assured you are mature. You are at that age where there are so many possibilities awaiting you. Think about what you might like to do with your life; go to school and get a degree or a skill, own your own business or be a partner in one, become a homemaker, be a volunteer at church or in your community, travel and explore, start a new job, put together a club or organization, adopt a cause, be the first to invent something or to do something, launch your own websites,...or, if you are satisfied with what you are doing right now right where you, that might what is right for you for now. Whatever your decision, and be assured you can make the right decisions for your life, identify the first steps you should take. Every journey begins with a single step, and everyone who ever achieved anything started somewhere with little more than an idea just as you will start from where you are.
  
  First steps towards goals are often things such as setting aside some money whenever you can, getting a medical examination, learning what things you need such as clothes or equipment, meeting people with similar interests, completing applications, making a list of contacts for your personal or professional network, learning what rules govern a particular field, taking classes,... Find out what first steps you would want to take to reach your chosen goals.
  
  Get a little learning if you can. Talk to a variety of people and ask them what they do, how they got started, and what advice or ideas they can give you. You might even make some phone calls and arrange to interview people in a particular field of work that interests you. Try several things until you discover what is right for you. The worst thing any person can do with their life is to do nothing because they are afraid of finding out that something isn't right for them or might not work out well. Try something, just about anything, and if it isn't right for you, you can try something different until you find what gives you the kind of reward you are looking for. Always ask yourself, is there any kind of future for me if I decide to stick with this choice - where could I expect to find myself in five years or ten years in this endeavor?
  
  Step outside your comfort zone from time to time and take reasonable risks. Never stop trying new things. Meet nice new people when you can. Find your place or make your place in this world. Learn continually. Share what you know with others. Remember that there is a place for everyone in the world of work, romance, creativity, and every worthy human endeavor - everyone without exception, which includes you.
  
  These are just some general ideas from someone who has made a lot of mistakes, but I continue to try and occasionally I succeed with some small things. Mistakes are not dead-end roads or cul-de-sacs, but the chance to try again, more intelligently. You can learn from your mistakes, so be sure to make some. I think I made several grammatical errors just in typing this!

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