Alright not sure if this is finished or if bits of it need to be changed , I think it sounds preety good for the most part and flows preety well, but im not sure about the doctor and pills bit, kind of breaks the rhythm perhaps?? Also not so sure about the ending, bit too abrupt maybe?

anyway any thoughts/critique is welcome.

The Vortex

Vortex of nerves all twisted inside
Worn out and strung out
dieing within the shell of the mind
Boredom is deadly, the devil will make work with
Empty lives and frazzled nerves…

A half dead man stares into the distance
Figures bustle in a busy street
Separate lives , separate loves, separate desires
Like leaves in the wind ,
carry on, carry on ,carry on
Along which path?? Unknown

Chaotic spiralling deep breaths
Trying to escape….
Dragged down by the burdens of
The examined life , life though the looking glass
It can be tough said the doctor
As he prescribed another pill
Too ward off the demons
Whose cries are too shrill

The end is nigh! screamed the man
A poorly written poster clenched fiercely in hand
All this noise can drive a good man mad…..
Slyly whispered as stick figures push past in the night
On a journey to an unknown , unloving place
That place we used to call home (remember?)….