Why I Will Never Wax My Ass... Again
When it comes to hair management, most men will say that they don't care about how they look or how much hair they have. I tend to think the opposite.
I don't hate my body hair, but I'm not attached to it either (actually, I guess I am attached to it, but you get my point), and given the choice, I'd prefer to not have people mistake my back for a coat. "The 40 year old virgin" waxing scene comes to mind. Now, I don't want to be completely bald, mind you, as that's a bit creepy, but I could go for less chest hair and maybe less hair on, oh, well, I'll just say - my lower back and the regions that extend south from there.
About once every few years, I get inspired to try some new grooming technique. The other night, I was home alone, which is always a bad thing, as it gets the mind wandering, and a friend sent me a video of women getting Brazilian bikini waxes. No, it wasn't porno - it was an interesting video (from the waist up) of women's faces as they prepared for, and then experienced, the pain of waxing. It was well-done, if odd.
So I asked myself, do men do this? A recent study in the UK found that 35% of men admitted to waxing some part of their body. So, men DO wax. The question is HOW? I can?t imagine many women, regardless of their financial predicament, who would want to see that view of a male stranger, and I doubt most men would be comfortable spread-eagling for someone armed with hot wax and a handful of gauze strips. But I digress....
The next day I found myself walking the aisles of Target, and I stumbled onto an entire section of hair waxing products - all of which were specifically targeted at women and their "bikini" area. I don't believe I have a bikini area, as my guy friends and I don't wear bikinis, but I've been to enough European beaches to know that some men quite enjoy wearing more snug bathing suits. All of the waxing products are pink, with images of women's legs or eyebrows on them, and try as I might, I couldn't find a "Gillette Male Butt Waxing" product out there. There was one product with the name "Nads", a word I've always associated with male anatomy, but alas, it was also pink. After a quick glance to see if anyone was watching, I grabbed one of the pink boxes, hid it under the power drill I was buying to reassure myself of my masculinity, and brought it home.
That night, my wife went out yet again. After putting the kids to bed, I headed to the bathroom and pulled out my new waxing kit. I will confess - I'd experienced waxing before, but only on my eyebrows on my wedding day. At the time, it was no big deal - it hurt just a bit, but the results looked pretty good as my wedding guests remarked how I looked so "alert" with my newly sculpted eyebrows.
It's hard to take a box that's all pink and designed for a woman's crotch and use it for yourself. Not that I'm too macho for this stuff - after all, I've just told you that I've waxed my eyebrows and have hair management issues - but still, taking a product specifically designed for a woman and using it on me felt, well, pathetic. Like when I use my wife's razor, but even worse.
So the way this kit worked is that there were clear strips, much like oversized band-aids, that had a thin layer of wax on them. The instructions were to warm up the strip in your hand a bit, take off the protective covering, slap it on the area to be waxed, push down hard, and then rip it quickly off going AGAINST the direction of the hair growth.
Immediately, 2 problems presented themselves: