What Did You Give Yourself This Holiday Season? by Julie Cohen/Marriage and Family Therapist: at DailyStrength Doctors and Experts

Julie Cohen is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist MFT and a Child Mental Health Specialist with a private practice in Los Angeles Her areas of focus include depression anxiety panic post-traumatic stress bipolar…

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What Did You Give Yourself This Holiday Season?

Posted in Anxiety by Julie Cohen on Jan 05, 2009

OK, the holidays are finally over and I have one question; what did you give to yourself? The holidays for me are always a mix of looking forward to family gatherings and being exhausted by them both physically and emotionally. While I enjoy the cooking, the visiting, the giving of presents and the closeness that ensues, I can often feel drained by the end of it. After it was all said and done, I found myself by New Year's Eve completely exhausted.

I think this is especially true if you are the head of your household or responsible for the cooking, cleaning and paying for everything. As children we are often raised with the expectation that things will be done for us and given to us. However, as adults that expectation changes to if I give and do, others will do for me. There is a sense of equity and when that equity goes unmet feelings of disappointment and exhaustion are not unusual.

So if you were the "giver" this year and were left feeling drained what can you do to bring balance back into your life? Well traditionally, that is what the after Christmas sales were about. That is the day that many folks march into the mall and say, "today is about me!" Now I am not one to deny the healing properties of shopping therapy but would encourage some other grounding and rejuvenating activities as well.

Some other ideas include: a walk on the beach or a hike, a day without the kids (or a few hours), read a book, go to a movie, a bubble bath with candles, go to a museum etc... Basically, anything that brings you a sense of well-being and feels like you have given something to yourself. Get creative! I would love to hear what you gave yourself this holiday season.

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Displaying comments 42-23 of 42

We had a pretty good Christmas all in all. My mother-in-law passed away this year and we all use to go to her house on Christmas morning, so that was a little different for us. I have 6 grandchildren that live right next door to me, so we went to see what Santa had brought to each of them. We never got to do that before. My daughter is a second grade teacher and she got teacher of the year last year. Someone gave her a purse size digital photo wallet. I wanted one because I never have any pictures of the grandkids when anyone ask, so I wanted one with pictures of the kids and their parents. And it takes up so little space in your purse. It wasn't easy to find. I think they finally had to go to QVC. I really liked it. And he gave me a huge flowerpot on a wrought iron stand. He knew I wanted one but I never thought he would have thought about that. Then all the left over adults went to my sister's for Christmas dinner, not turkey and such, just a dinner.
But all the kids, and parents and grandparents went back to my sister's for New Year's Eve and shot up fireworks. Some of the kids were younger ones and they really enjoyed. I can never remember a Christmas holiday season that we didn't have our own fireworks. My mother passed away in 06, and every year we went to her house on Christmas Eve. And the only we we could get the kids to wait on opening the presents was to go shoot fireworks. Well the house is still in the family but it is just not the same. We would never be allowed to run in and out, build up a big fire and shoot up big, noisey fireworks.
So somethings, we lots of things have changed but it was a good Christmas. All my babies were home and I got to see them on Christmas Day. That made it a great Christmas.

By irene6 Jan 23, 2009

i try to do for myself, but in my house, those after christmas sales usually just mean another excuse for my other half-soon-to-be-roommate to send me to the store to get more things for him. i know, pretty pathetic. whenever i go to do something just for me, he usually comes up with "well, you're going out anyway. can you go get me _____ or _____?" you fill in the blanks. when i deliberately don't and i get home from what i've done for me, he points out that i forgot to get him the things he asked for or if tell him this is just for me, he says "fine!! i'll take care of it myself!" and pouts like a 2 year old. then, another time, he'll scold me for not taking care of just me and that he's not an invalid and that he can take care of himself. he totally contradicts himself and living with him has become very confusing. anyway, i'll shut up now. this was totally off-topic.

By heartstring Jan 21, 2009

I didn't feel well at Christmas. My son had been in Iraq for more than a year and it was our second Christmas without him. When Christmas day rolled around it seemed like a monumental task to cook dinner for 7. It makes me so sad because I used to cook for twice that many with no problem.. My girls (22, 19, 16, and daughter in law 23) stepped in and helped Christmas eve. So we had cookies and pies and brownies and everything they like to eat on Christmas. I just did a few things they said only Mom knows how to make. I did not buy myself anything - but the thing I do for myself is continue going to therapy and taking my meds. After 3 failed suicide attempts, I am finally able to see how selfish I was being and how much my family would feel sad if I did that. AND....the best present of all was when my son came home from Iraq on January 5th. We are so blessed that even though he was in an extremely dangerous situation (3 died just in his squad and 2 lost limbs) that he is home in one piece.

By imjustalittleunwell Jan 18, 2009

I actually gave myself a gift, something I've been eyeing for a while- a cell phone, not just any cell phone but a blackberry and I'm hooked on it! Usually, I spend all my time giving to everyone else but I was given a couple of gift cards and almost made purchases for other people with them when I said "I really want this phone" so I did it. Now, if I can only put it down!!!!

By krainium Jan 17, 2009

I have been divorced for two years after a 30 year year marriage. I have nueropathy, fibromyalgia and trouble with disks in my lower back. At the time I lived in Arizona. But my brothers live in Oregon still. My youngest brother invited me to a church get together on Christmas eve. I had to think about it becase the year before I had gone to that one and just sat. This year healing from a four hour foot surgery and the screw had been taken out because I did something (took my dog for a walk several times) but I did not tell the Dr. that but I still had four pins one in each toe. I really thought about not going but at the last minute I went. The church is small but boy do the people there no how to cook. There are three little girls who's parents let run around so they can talk with there relatives and friends. Well one of them ran right into me and pushed the pins further into my toes. Other then that it was fun. I did not have any money but I had bought my younger brother a Hamilton train set I was hoping his wife would have a little boy because they were trying to have a baby. It was a boy and the train set came in three boxes so I wrapped them each seperately and put each of their names on one of the boxes. I like giving more then receiving. My brother gave me a tin of homemade fudge that he makes it is delicious. My mother had always sent us boys fudge when she died four years ago Donnie took up the torch so I still get fudge at Chrismas. They also gave me a beutiful 8x10 picture of my new newphew Jayden I had a Christmas day invite by the 80 year old lady that live in front of me and she also invited my 65 year old roomate and an 85 year old lady that I knew from talking with her when I walked my dog. I live in a 55 plus mobile home park. Then the last quest she invited was a 92 year old lady. being 58 I felt out of place but we had a real nice time and I was grateful for the invite. Now to the subject of what did I get myself for Christmas. The winters in Grants Pass are very cold so I ordered a pea coat in Ebony and a pair of biscuit colored pants through the target website. It is as warm as I thought it would be and the pants are very comfortable. The only thing I didn't know is that pea coats shed and I had all this small black threds all over the pants for those that don't know bisquit is an off white. So I will have to go and by a dark pair of pants. I bought my roomate a 25.00 gift certificate to his favorite store so he would have something to open. I did not let him know I had gotten it until Christmas day. I could tell by the look on his face. He gets nothing from his sons or sisters. So he got something from Santa Claus. I hope this finds everyone well. And I hope you have a great new year.

By lour232 Jan 14, 2009

I had nobody and nothing for the holidays. Any family, friends, or the girl I want were all Nowhere. And I was left to my own devices.

So: I started early with a couple mexican martinis. Pleasant buzz. Then I got my tickets for a double feature at a cinema that serves food and beer. I ordered my food and a pitcher of beer. A pleasant drunken euphoria. Good times overall.

By zounds Jan 14, 2009

I had intended on making a nice big meal with ham, deviled eggs, pies, green bean casserole, potatoe salad and dinner rolls. My 16 yr old daughter made the pies and eggs up the day before. My step-son picked up my husband from his nursing home where he resides due to his end stage renal failure. He stayed Christmas Eve with us and it just so happened that I had been sick for acouple days before and on Christmas. I ended up sleeping most of the day. My husband was pretty bummed out and I tried to explain to him that it was wonderful that he was able to come down and spend time with us. But instead of getting upset because I was sick, sleeping and grouchy, he should have appreciated the time he could have used to spend with the three kids. I had to take him back around 5 so he could get him evening medications and I wanted to get back before it got to late. It was a lousy Christmas on my end but the children were happy and my ex-husband and children got me my own set of darts that were pretty cool. I have come to realize that Moms are people too and no matter how hard we try we can not always be the energizer bunny and keep going and going. Our bodies will end up telling us...Hey, no more, I need a break and down time.

By birdlady Jan 13, 2009

I gave myself the gift of improving myself by getting counseling, sobriety, recover, and a new change by getting out of an abusive, codependent relationship.

By MitchG Jan 13, 2009

I was to Ill to give myself anything except more illness

By PaulV67 Jan 12, 2009

A headache and spending Christmas Day alone because my so called husband was pouting as always

By DebbieSC Jan 12, 2009

I guess being traditional doesn't fit with a lot of the world these days. Sigh. I got a wonderful Christmas present of an airplane ticket home for a week. While staying with my gentle sister in a small town (2 hours from where the rest of my family lives), I got to go to a candle light service on Christmas Eve. And because I am so tall, I could hold my candle up really high so more people who didn't know the words could read them to sing Silent Night. Santa Claus is a wonderful legend, based on - no not St. Nicholas - but the wise men. And if you have forgotten about the Babe in the manger, read Luke again. PS. I still believe in Santa Claus.

By tmarkl Jan 12, 2009

about 10 pounds. then as a late christmas present, a cheapo lliptical and some pepto bismal <3

By mukinata Jan 10, 2009

Go to the mall? Those were the days-when I had a job.
I love taking a long bubble bath with a good book in hand.
Sometimes I alternate between knitting, catching up with friends online or looking at travel shows and the cooking networks for good recipe ideas.
I also go into Barnes & Noble online pages for the Bestseller lists and copy down titles of interest to put books on hold at the library, for FREE.

By Cybercatxq Jan 10, 2009

Gave myself pneumonia from shoveling the driveway of ice and snow after 8 days of cabin fever and a need to get food for the family and our critters. Priorities rule.

By Cybercatxq Jan 10, 2009

A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY WITH MY GRANDDAUGHTER! WE WENT SHOPPING SO I COULD BUY HER NEW BOOTS, MADE BROWNIES AND POPCORN BALLS. IT WAS THE BEST PRESENT THAT I COULD EVER GET!

By juliecrawford Jan 09, 2009

your right Julie, i am glad to have family and friends over, but the running around and gathering shopping and fixing dinner is wonderful, but when its all said and done my stress level is ready to explode. i compleatly understand you

By gramasbabies Jan 09, 2009

I bought myself some baseball equipment. LoL Waited for the after christmas sales and found what I wanted.

By TheRoad Jan 09, 2009

I bought a small turkey and cooked it for myself even though I was alone.

By desrtrse Jan 08, 2009

My dad, sister and I cleaned our house on Christmas morning. :) It made Christmas actually feel special.

By LizzyG Jan 08, 2009

i am able to retire from my job this month yesterday i made 25yrs on the job

By tkengle Jan 08, 2009

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