The death of public figures can trigger our own grief by Julie Cohen/Marriage and Family Therapist: at DailyStrength Doctors and Experts

Julie Cohen is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist MFT and a Child Mental Health Specialist with a private practice in Los Angeles Her areas of focus include depression anxiety panic post-traumatic stress bipolar…

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The death of public figures can trigger our own grief

Posted in Anxiety by Julie Cohen on Sep 16, 2009

My heart goes out to Patrick Swayze's loved ones. I was so saddened to hear about his death this week. Although it seemed expected, I guess because he was such a vital and energetic man it was still a shock to hear the news. It seems that we have been inundated lately with similar news of public figures. Although, we didn't know them personally, watching them for years made it seem like in some way, for good or bad, they were a part of our lives.

I also think that when we hear of the loss of a public figure, it's difficult not to be reminded of our own personal losses. When I hear this type of news I immediately think of my mother and grandmother. I think about the pain that I was in when I first lost them and experience it again for a moment. I know many of you can relate to what I am saying. Although each loss and how we experience it and interpret it are unique, the pain associated is generally universal.

Those moments for me are bittersweet as I miss my mom and grandmother but having a moment to remember them feels good too. Sometimes it takes awhile but finding a place of comfort with memories of your loved ones who have died is an important part of the healing and grieving process. In fact, there is a Jewish tradition when sending a condolence card or speaking of someone who has died to include the phrase, "may their memories bring you comfort."

My hope is for all of you being affected by all the media coverage that you are able to take a moment to think about fond memories of the person/people you have lost. And, may their memories bring you comfort!

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Displaying comments 21-2 of 21

I agree that the death of public figure affects to our emotion. Grief is just like a suffering. It's hard to deal with that kind of emotion. Top the family of Patrick Swayze the least that they can do is to be strong, let them feel that they are united in facing such kind of tragedy, I know it will take time for them to forgot, but being united will give them a sort of strength to face the challenges. It may be worth to have a payday loans

By AntonioL Oct 06, 2009

I had a really hard time with Michael Jackson's death, it was a delayed reaction, but then I couln"t get it out of my. I thought he was sickly, but when I found out he really wasn't and was really good shape for his shows, it really bothered me. He loved his kids but was a very unhappy man who couldn't sleep or shit down is eneregy at times. I truly believe he was probably bipolar but never got or regfused to get the right help

By asecretstorm Oct 04, 2009

yes it is difficult be.cause it brought back to me how my father died back in1996. watching him go through it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do..I wouldn'y wish it on anyone and I really feel bad for his family. It also makes me mad in a way, I had hoped by now they could have figured out a way to either cure it or at the very least stop it from progrssing to a point where you almost wish the person would die just so they wouldn't suffer the terrible pain

By peggel01 Sep 25, 2009

I can identify with the grief over the loss of such actors as Patrick Swayze and singer Mary Travers of Peter, Paul & Mary. I feel a little blue b/c it makes me so aware of the finiteness of my life. I suppose we think we'll live forever. I saw the tribute on Dancing with the Stars on Patrick Swayze. I loved Dirty Dancing and Ghost and To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything..Julie Newmar the most. I will watch the
movies & recall the gift he was to us and cry for his loss. A little Puff the Magic Dragon, a few tears and remember Mary. The talent of now is good but Patrick Swayze's Dirty Dancing came out when I was 24 and I went to see it alone and it was the best! Everyone has their favorites during their times of 'growing ' up. I am gratefull that Patrick Swayze was there to entertain us. Blessings to his family and friends and to anyone who this strikes a chord with in regard to mourning a loss.

the Magic

By alizarine1963 Sep 23, 2009

Hello, I was ill, and not heard that Patrick Swazy, had passed away until a few days later. I was standing in line at a store and there his picture was on the front page of a magazine. I just started crying right there and then. I know that uneassy feeling when someone we know dies. For family and friends is one thing, but public figures are also taken as a huge lost,for their talent, creativity,and all that they have given us over the years It truly is a shame, i feel the other losses as well. My heart goes out to all who feel
sadened by anyone we know who pass on. May they all rest in peace. Thank you .

By ccg101 Sep 23, 2009

I Am not goig to coment to this but I have recieved a mesage in my mesage list from some one trying to either do a mony transfering deal or some other rip people off sceame. I was trying to find a way to send it to you or who ever it should be sent to as a compliant as this is or should be a breach of the DS rulls. Im sure other peopl have or will recieve the same mesage & its not the first time it has happened.Please can you help or pass the word to any one who can?..There should be a lnk put on mebers mesage page where they can automaticly send such scams to you or who ever deals with this. PLEASE REPLY FAST too. Thank you God bless Take care & Love from Graham. Please warn other members fast

By orbiefangraham Sep 23, 2009

All of this illustrates that life is fragile, and that death can happen to any of us at any time. At a young age, while my parents were both well, I thought they would live forever, never thinking that one day they would die and I would be left the mourn them (Dad died in 1977 and Mom in 1990), I'm now 55 myself. I did things I'm not proud of, and didn't live every day with them the best way I could have, squandering away precious time. Yet, at the same time, I realize that this is all part of life, and now I choose to hold onto the thoughts of things that were good between us, the things they taught me. One of the biggest things I'm thankful for is what they taught me about God, because without Him, I surely would have done myself in already. I've suffered with depression all my life, and my knowledge of God and having been taught of His love and how to pray kept me from the brink of suicide. We must carry on and make our mark in this world as best we can, given the knowledge that we have been. We can only do our best.

By RaeDreams Sep 21, 2009

Geez, you are totally right. I was very shocked and experienced grief when Farrah Faucet and Michael Jackson died in the same day, I actually had a TIA two hours after hearing the news on TV! Farrah looked so much like mother and fought as hard my mom did and so I took it hard when I heard the news, I had a flashback of the past deaths that occured amongst my family members.

By Hashithing Sep 19, 2009

l read your article shaking my head that you posted & l read it just after getting the news that my sons mother is dying soon A coincidence as l;m going to ny monday

Thank You
God Bless
chip

By chipchip Sep 19, 2009

He will surely be missed....:(

By patriciarose07 Sep 18, 2009

I too felt sad to hear of Patrick Swayze's passing. Condolences go out to his family and friends. Chris1984 mentioned prostate cancer. I believe the cancer Patrick Swayze died from was Pancreatic cancer which according to the recent news, is hard to detect early and once detected 95% of those with the illness die. Not sure if Chris1984 thought Patrick had prostate cancer. Also ZeerestlessOne mentioned turning 49 and how menopause may be affecting her. I couldn't agree more. I am 48 and already in menopause and also find myself crying more easily, getting tired quicker, and sometimes getting nausea and dizziness. I already was checked out by OBGYN and had blood work to confirm menopause so I believe the mood swings and definitely tiredness is exacerbated by menopausal symptoms and peri menopause. You are not crazy ZeerestlessOne.

By NJGirl07 Sep 18, 2009

Never, since President Kennedy was assassinated did I feel such sadness as when MJ passed away. Watching the coverage was an obsession. As in Kennedy's passing, I watched everything possable. Before and after. I did not want to miss a thing. I did cry with everyone else.

When I heard of Patrick, I felt a different kind of sadness. He fought so hard and was so talented. I didn't know he was also an accomplished dancer, and he did dance beautifully. I watched a piece on U-Tube of him and his beautiful wife dancing, it was titled "The last Dance". I cried watching it. I also loved him in Ghost and I could watch it over and over again. I think I also feel the same sadness and powerlessness as when I lost my husband. My heart goes out to his wife and family. Being a wife and losing your spouse is the most devastating. As my couselor said, because it is such an intimate relationship, the loss can be very powerful. Who knows you better than your spouse? No one, not your mother, father nor children. Prayers to all of you who have lost someone. Thank you for letting me get this said.

By kulnana Sep 18, 2009

.One of those cancers that when we hear the diagnosis we think "not much time left" The death of celebrities certainly makes one think of their own mortality but so does the image of people jumping to their deaths from the twin towers. I know they said that God only gives you what He knows you can handle, but I wish He didnt trust me so much sometimes.. Both of my parents died a early death from medical mistakes made in the hospitals, that can be a whole different kind of grief. My heart goes out to all of you that miss your loved ones. Julie, keep writing I get so much from your blogs, and sometimes I bring these subjects into my own therapy.

By shotzy54 Sep 18, 2009

To Appleby: I am sorry for the loss of your Father. I lost my Father in 1977, but it feels as if it were just yesterday. People well-meaningly say "time heals all wounds", but unless they've experienced the death of someone they love, they'd not know how useless a statement that is, and how untrue. My heart goes out to you in your heartache, and I'm sorry that the people around you didn't comfort you. You're in my thoughts.

By RaeDreams Sep 18, 2009

I cried when I heard that Patrick had passed on. He had so bravely fought the fight, and outlived what most people probably would have. Pancreatic cancer is very difficult to treat, and even with all the money he must have had, whatever they did, didn't work. This shows us that money isn't everything, can't do everything, and that we need to love the moments of our lives that we can and do have. My heart goes out to Patrick's family. His memory will live on inside of my heart forever.

By RaeDreams Sep 18, 2009

he lived more in his 57 years than any of the people that reply to this will likely ever live in their entire lives. rpostate cancer is very treatable at early stages and its your responsibility to get the prostate routinely checked out. do yourselves a favor and get it checked as often as you should.

By chris1984 Sep 17, 2009

Swayze smoked till death.

By OzMayor Sep 17, 2009

I find that grief is a process that we each experience differently. The recent media deaths remind me of my own mortality and the things I want to accomplish in this journey of life. I enjoyed the new knowledge of the Jewish tradition and totally agree that memories bring us comfort. Thanks Julie.

By colored_cheerios Sep 17, 2009

Patrick, like so many film stars, was a larger than life character. I obviously did not know him personally, but he always struck me to be a very affable type of individual, someone whom you could easily like and get along with.

His, and Demi Moore's performances in Ghost were outstanding, and it is this type of individual that leaves a lasting impression on me. Condolences to his family, and my memories of him will indeed continue for a long time to be comforting. Good bye Patrick, YOU was one of the best CHAMP!!!

By BeatinBP Sep 17, 2009

I found myself suffereing bitter memories when I watched my work mates and neighbours wail and sob over Michael Jackson, a person they had never met and who did not care about them ... the same people who would not bother, when my father died, to say *sorry for your loss* or send me a card or take up a collection for flowers ... me, a person they knew for five years and had sat beside every day.

I suppose in todays media-obsesssed culture, celebrities are more important to many than people who live next door. But do pause in your crying for them to think of the grieving woman you passed by indifferently and unseeingly on your way to lay flowers on a street corner ... she may need your comfort far more than the people in the street need to see you bawling for Michael Jackson.

By Appleby Sep 17, 2009

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