Sometimes You Just Need to Cut Your Losses. by Julie Cohen/Marriage and Family Therapist: at DailyStrength Doctors and Experts

Julie Cohen is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist MFT and a Child Mental Health Specialist with a private practice in Los Angeles Her areas of focus include depression anxiety panic post-traumatic stress bipolar…

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Sometimes You Just Need to Cut Your Losses.

Posted in Anxiety by Julie Cohen on May 06, 2009

This morning I was washing a two new t-shirts. They were exactly the same but one was navy blue and the other a dark pink. Both had white faux under-tee around the neckline and the bottom of the shirt. I had the brilliant idea to wash them with another new pair of green knit pants. I can hear all you laundry experts gasping from here. Well as you can imagine the bright whites on my new shirts had become a dingy yellow. My first thought was, "hmmm people will just think that it's supposed to be that color" (denial) and my next thought was, "maybe they always were yellow and I just thought they were white," (the denial grows deeper). I even went as far as to go to the store online to check the color... yup they were white!

So as I wrangled free from my denial, I decided that I could fix the problem. I went to my fix everything place: "Google" and began to search for a solution. Not only did I find an abundance of ways to solve the problem, I also found validation that I was not the only one putting whites in with unwashed green pants.

One by one I tried each fix. Nothing! Finally, I tried a product that's supposed to take the dye out of anything. Well, although it did not take the yellow out of the white it did take the dark colors out of the rest of the shirt. The dark pink became orange and the navy I'm still trying to decipher. My next thought was, "once these dry out they will make lovely and very expensive dusting rags." Sometimes you just need to cut your losses.

This applies not only to laundry but to life in general. Sometimes we continue after many attempts to "fix" a relationship or a job long after it was time to let it go. Instinctually, we usually know when it's time to stop trying to solve a problem that can't be solved. There is usually a defining moment when you know in your heart that it may be time to take another approach. For me, in this silly example, it was seeing the colors turn. I just knew, for me, it was time to throw in the towel or shirt in this case and move on. I know it's much easier to do this with an inanimate object than a relationship but the message is the same. Listen to your heart, instincts and voice as they are generally good guides.

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Displaying comments 13-1 of 13

Nice post! When you had a sad experiences and frustrations in life, you have to cheer up and move on. That’s just what life is. There are a lot of things that pre occupied us, one these are the financial matter due to job loss and unfavorable economic condition. If you don’t want to bother with your financial matter find out to save money. Well, there are tips all over the place that will help you in saving money, and CNN has some real humdingers. First, stretch everything as far as it can go. Cutting paper towels in half, even halving bacon can get some more mileage. Second, clip coupons – you'll save a lot of money over the year if you're diligent. Think of it as personal loans to yourself. And last, remember the internet is a valuable resource for coupons and classifieds. You start getting debt relief if you start saving money.

By AntonioL May 13, 2009

Thank you for that insightfull example!

By butterflylost May 10, 2009

Thank you. When I started my last job over a year ago, I knew right away there were some serious problems there, which only increased the more involved I got. I thought if only I could put in a year, I'd be good, and I made it and gave notice, it happened to be a year to the day, and that was not my intention, I'd just HAD IT.

I am trying still to make peace with it. One of the best lessons is in losing the money and prestige that went along with finally having a good job, I will turn my hope to my spriritual God as my higher power and not get hung up on "things or status".

By Loved1 May 09, 2009

I like it and it is so true about life but do we except that even with meds therapy exercise and all else that goes with depression that something will always set us back thats not being positive is it ?

By determination May 09, 2009

Interesting article but not comparable to relationships. Why all this advise to move on and end the relationship. There are no easy answers to such tough questions.
mary@transtionaldreams.com
New life story coach

By mare13 May 09, 2009

Thanks. I agree. It is very hard to let go.We still love the good in our partners, and the good times we had. But when things get to dark and dirty, then things gotta go. I finally filed for divorce after trying to get my husband to understand what being married should be.(Sharing, respecting feelings, talking about things and solving issues, being honest, saying "I love you", helping each other...) He controlled everything and made me feel isolated. I finally just had to give up.

By srewolf May 09, 2009

Very true. Of course, sometimes we wait way too long to realize we should have ended a relationship. Sometimes so long that ending it would only make things worse (e.g: when leaving a marriage would mean almost complete poverty).

I do have to thank you first for the chuckle (via your denial thoughts) and then for the big guffaw I had when you relayed what happened when you used the excess dye remover! I think it was the way you expressed yourself, because I know if I had gone through that I would not - at least initially - think it funny! Thanks again!

By ArtsyLady1 May 08, 2009

OMG, so true. I have a best friend (a guy) whose put me through the emotional rollercoaster relationship from hell. I've suffered multiple melt-downs, a huge breakdown and am on anti-depressants because of him. He's the nicest, most caring guy in the world... and then he'll shut me out, ignore me, inflict his emotional problems on me. I'm super co-dependent when it comes to him so I just kept holding on.

Now the problems have been brought into the office (we work at the same company) and I'm at risk of being fired over this stupid, petty stuff that actually takes place on my own time, away from work (I think the managers involved are overstepping their boundaries but that's beside the point).

It is so time to cut the ties that bind. I've given him the option to call me and fix things between us but I will not be making any further first moves. I'm finally done with this trainwreck.

By katja4u May 08, 2009

evils exists where good people refuse to stop it

By spartica May 08, 2009

I would have thought. Looks like I have a nice new shirt with a different color. People go out a buy pants with holes in them. They want to look poor. Well, I had holes in my pants because I was poor and I didn't think it looked good then.
I think I could like the shirt with the yellow color where white should be.
Just funning here. You must do some of that in life.

By scapel May 08, 2009

That is a wonderful analogy to life and very well written. Kudos my dear, you are fabulous! But may I just ask u and please don't take offense but I am kinda intriqued by these knit green pants...Sounds bold! LOL
I hope you are great today. :)

By SpeedQueen May 07, 2009

Absolutely true. The important thing is not to quit before everything is lost, though. I have seen a lot of stories about writers who were rejected hundreds of times before someone took a chance on them. J.K. Rowling, for example, who is now the richest woman in the world, was rejected more than 100 times. With relationships, listen to the warning voice when you first meet him, that something is not right, and graciously decline to get involved. (The older you get, the easier this becomes). Especially if he purports to be a young man from a foreign country and pays you extravagant compliments -- over the internet. Put your wallet and your chequebook in your safety deposit box and leave it there until Romeo has cleared the building.

By Appleby May 07, 2009

Inspirational story its all about thinking god, i read this ebook thin it is wonder. Share your story too.

http://www.thankgodforebooks.com/m...

By simojtmarjun May 06, 2009

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