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Julie Cohen is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist MFT and a Child Mental Health Specialist with a private practice in Los Angeles Her areas of focus include depression anxiety panic post-traumatic stress bipolar…
FAST FACTS
A few days ago I was parking in front of my office. It's a busy street and sometimes I have to act fast when parallel parking. I know those of you who live in urban places know exactly what I am talking about. You see a spot and it's the ONLY spot and you do a quick look through your rear view mirror and ask yourself, "Do I have enough time to get in?"
I thought I did but I did notice a car behind me that seemed impatient for me to get in my spot. But, in Los Angeles patience is at a premium so I didn't think it was so unusual. So, I parked. It took me a few minutes to gather my things in my car as I was juggling a bunch of paperwork and books etc... When I finally got out of my car there was a man standing in front of my car. At first, I ignored him because I had no idea who he was or that he was there for me. But, it quickly became clear that he was the man driving behind me. His words were very measured and although he did not raise his voice at first his words seethed anger. He started a verbal assault of how I was driving and how I almost caused an accident and began a lecture of all of my wrongs and how I should right them.
Although he wasn't technically screaming or threatening physical harm, I was scared. Every time I tried to get past him he followed me and continued his rant. I was firm in telling him to stop talking to me and go away. At one point, I told him I was going to call the police if he didn't leave. To my surprise he told me, "Go ahead call them." I realized at that moment that this man had no idea how threatening he was being and believed that his actions were justified given his perceived beliefs about my driving.
I'm safe! I had two cell phones in my hand to call for help, there were a lot of people on the street and I was never physically threatened. But, it was a huge wake up call for me about safety and how short our fuses can get when driving. It's imperative that no matter how wronged you feel by someone else's driving behavior it is NEVER smart to confront, follow or start an argument. Again, the man who approached me took on a belief that his behaviors were justified but I imagine the police would have thought differently. Self-talk is a great tool to talk yourself down if you are feeling angry and have the urge to act out on another driver.
If you are a victim of road rage and someone attempts to confront or follow you do not engage them. If possible, call the police or get a license plate number or description of the car and driver. Spend some time thinking of a safety plan for potential scenarios. Before this incident, I would have never thought to do so. I mean I was literally steps from my office when this occurred and believed I was safe. It's a false sense of safety that we all share. Since the incident, I have put a plan in place that fits my situation. I carry a pen and paper in my car and cell phone in hand. I now look all around before exiting my car. Although it may take a few extra minutes (or seconds), its time well spent.
During this chaotic holiday season when there are so many distractions please, remember to be aware of your surroundings. Have a happy and safe holiday season!
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Displaying comments 27-8 of 27
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I love to drive, but those few occasions can be deadly if you can't stay out of them.
First, if you are not passing someone, GET OUT OF THE PASSING LANE!! I read an article one time that said something like 75% of highway accidents were due to people in the passing lane going below the speed of the flow of traffic. No, you do NOT have a right to stay in the passing lane at the posted speed limit just because it is the speed limit. If others want to pass, pull into the regular travel lane and allow them to pass. You are not their "speed monitors." If they want to go fast, let them. You do more harm to yourself and others by staying in the lane. Use the rule you learned in Drivers Ed., which is, the left lane is for passing ONLY.
Second, please be prepared to move when the light changes to green. That does not mean that you have to gun the engine and pull out like a race car, but please pay attention. Keep your eye on the stoplight, and don't make other drivers have to use their horns to wake you up to get you to realize that it is OK to move on.
Third, don't drive as if no one else has anywhere important to go. If you want to take a drive to look around and relax, please go out to the country to do that. But in the city at noon is not a place for a leisurely drive.
Fourth, hang up your dang cell phone while you drive. You place everyone else in danger. I don't frankly care if you are not paying attention because you are on the phone, and you drive into a wall and kill yourself. But it puts me, my children and everyone else at risk when you assume that you can control a multi-ton vehicle at a high rate of speed while talking on a phone AND be a safe driver at the same time. Please, save a life; hang up until you get to a place where you can make a call. You will feel much better than if you hit a pedestrian or worse, killed someone.
Fifth, be courteous. Let the other guy at a stop sign go first. Allow the car coming on the highway to merge. Stop for pedestrians, even if they are not at a crosswalk and you can safely stop.
And sixth, if you see a bicyclist or jogger who is riding or running down the road with no shoulders or no bike paths, and they are simply running or riding in the road when they couild choose much less busy streets to go on, please run them over. They think that a road or a highway was built for them, and we need to teach them that roads are made for cars, sidewalks are made for people, and bike paths are made for bikes. If they want to share the road with a car, then they should a) either be inside of one, or b) be under the wheels of one.
If you drive then avoid the throngs of traffic and congestion as best possible. If you cannot avoid the traffic due to work/etc. then perhaps your life could benefit from mass transit/carpooling/alternate modes of transportation. Saves on gas and doesn't make as much smog too.
The stark individualism and love of speeding death machines in this country is hazardous to everybodys health.
Of course we could improve the roads if everybody were forced to ride motorcycles for a time. It would be sink or swim.
Cheers!
There is certain very wide intersection on US1 that has the standard green arrow turn signal and if the light is green but no green arrow, you are to yield to oncoming traffic. I had this huge ape of a guy in a white van blast his horn continuously because I was not moving (traffic was coming fast and furious towards me and it would have been stupid to try and dodge the cars. The light turned yellow then red and then by law I could not go anyway. This guy got out of his car and started towards my car. I just about panicked because I have no gun in my car, but I took out my mace and tried to stay calm. He was shaking his fist and yelling expletives and just as he was nearly up to the window, the green light came on and I squealed my tires and took off leaving him standing there and the driver behind him started honking his horn at him!!
I drove over the speed limit to get away thinking that he might follow me and quickly pulled into a parking space by some bushes. My heart was pounding with fear. I watched him race by me and when the coast seemed clear, I drove on. I felt like a total victim and if I had had a gun, especially if the light did not change to allow my escape then I would have felt like I had some kind of way to really protect myself, I am sorry to say.
Many people are out of control with their emotions on the road and it has become a competitive venture instead of a cooperative one. Some people simply do not care for anyone else and are totally selfish to the point where they do things that could kill themselves also along with the driver they are angry at. I think that their anger takes over their brains and they become irrational and so aggressive. Also, there are many men out there that are very rude and aggressive towards women in traffic and I find this extremely insulting.
I know an elderly person who cut a man off by mistake and he got out of his car at the next light and screamed at her. She put down her window, which could have been a big mistake, and said, "You don't seem to have Jesus in your heart." This angered him, he called her a bi*#@ and stomped off.
CherM
The stalker has run me off road- I reported it
and he has been arrestes and let go ,I stll have people following me
and it might be him in his rage in another car
This is off the sunbject- My psychiatrist said he is dead
and he is not- why would she say it?
I had a road rage experience in 2002, I was working as a field tech, and I was out doing service calls, I had exited the freeway on my way to my next call, I signaled changed lanes came to a stop at the light, the next thing I know this biker looking guy in a little convertible, jumps out of his car and starts yelling at me! From reading his lips they were expletives. Any way with my passenger side door locked and window rolled up, I said sorry still not knowing what I did, the next thing I know he comes over to the drivers side (locked my door rolled window up), he spewed a few more expletives THEN put his fist through my windshield, then got back in his car and took off!! HELL NO!! he was not getting away with that !! I HAD paper and pen in hand got his plate, found the nearest parking lot call 911 and reported it, the officers came and took a report from myself and FIVE other witnesses, a few weeks later I was called in by the police to ID the guy, he claims "he does not remember doing that, but remembers a RED truck" !!, he was Id`d and was put in to jail for malicious mischief and property damage :), ever since then I carry a can of mace to protect myself..
Thought I would share,
Patricia
I started walked, she continued to follow. I called the police. Her phone was out I didnt know who she was calling. I live in Philly Im cauasian but I live in a mostly black neighborhood, she said "do you know what neighborhood youre in?" So I try to walk by a busy intersection, she parks her car gets out and starts to walk towards me I say to her "I called the police" then she attacks me... she goes right for my phone then my face, I started to fight back.. I fell back into some bushes all the while crazy is saying things that arent true and dont make sense like "lord jesus deliver me from satan" wth?? So she gets up and so do I and the police come... they see im on foot (she tried to say I pulled her out of her car) and that she followed me and they arrested her and put her in jail.
My face was terribly bruised and messed up by her attack. I no longer walk anymore bcause I am afraid she may see me again and try something or send a friend. But you know what? I am TIRED of people too scared to open their mouths when other people are blatantly in the wrong... she almost hit me... she deserves everything she gets. I will not keep my mouth shut if someone almost hurts me or another person.