I Am Lovable and Capable Part I: Self-Esteem-The Mood Disorder Cure by Julie Cohen/Marriage and Family Therapist: at DailyStrength Doctors and Experts

Julie Cohen is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist MFT and a Child Mental Health Specialist with a private practice in Los Angeles Her areas of focus include depression anxiety panic post-traumatic stress bipolar…

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I Am Lovable and Capable Part I: Self-Esteem-The Mood Disorder Cure

Posted in ADHD / ADD by Julie Cohen on May 05, 2008

I am lovable and capable: Isn't that what it's all about? If we all felt lovable and capable there would be significantly less depression, anxiety or panic as diagnosable conditions. Urban legend has it that all of us wear an invisible sign around our necks that have the letters "I.A.L.A.C." on it. IALAC stands for; I am lovable and capable.

As we go through our day, every time someone says something or something happens that we view as hurtful or negative a piece of our IALAC sign gets torn off. There is a silent ripping sound that goes along with the invisible sign. You can't see it or hear it but when it happens you sure can FEEL it. As the IALAC sign erodes so does our self-esteem. With each piece that is ripped off, we become more vulnerable to depression, anxiety and panic.

I first encountered my IALAC sign as a child. My mother was then the director of the Sunday School Education Program at my Synagogue. She used the IALAC curriculum, created by Dr. Sidney B. Simon (Simon Workshops) to teach about the effects of racism & anti-Semitism on self-worth. We all made IALAC signs, punched a hole in the top and attached a piece of yarn so we could wear it. We spent the day wearing our signs observing how we felt. Each time we encountered something we perceived as negative we would rip off a piece of the sign and put it in a baggie.

At the end of the day we all sat in a circle and talked about the pieces in the baggie: what happened and how it made us feel. With each torn piece most of us felt a twinge of insecurity, self doubt and self-criticism. Interestingly, although many of us were frustrated at the source or person who hurt us, our disappointments were self-directed.

It's clear that our "IALAC" signs or "high self-esteem" is vital to good mental health. Yet, why is it that we do so little to protect it. Why do we leave our IALAC signs so vulnerable to ripping? And it's not always others that are ripping our signs; often we do it ourselves with negative and irrational thoughts. Our own beliefs of being inadequate and incapable usually rip off the biggest chunks. How is your IALAC sign? I would love to hear about how you protect yours as well as the pieces that have been torn off.

Next: Part II The Importance of Recognizing Negative Core Beliefs.

Previous: I am Lovable and Capable Part II: The Importance of Recognizing Negative Core Beliefs

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Displaying comments 27-8 of 27

thank you.

By busygirl84 Sep 07, 2009

I am lovable and capable of receiving love
I am lovable and capable of receiving love
I am lovable and capable of receiving love
this is a great exercise for me,i have much difficulty w/intimate relationships and i loose myself in them, once i realize that that intimate person is not available anymore my selfesteem/ worth goes out the door as they are taking my life away.............doing things that only make matters worse ultimaly leaving me feeling unwanted and undisirable. I am in that place today, i only have awareness and honesty to keep going after a rupture of a very unbalance confusing relationship. this realationship tought me a lot about me and took me to places i have not been, since before that i was in a 17yrs relationship which left me pretty hurt. althought this last one hurts only lasted 1yr,and i was more clear about me. He was a nice guy, but not available in many ways, said nice things and made feel really good which never had happened in my 17yrs..........my fear is that i know this is not good for me either but i wonder if i would have strengh to Let go, and take time for me.

By gabielima Jul 31, 2008

Thanks for an uplifting post! IALAC is something I need to work on. All too often I've gotten down in the dumps, heard those negative voices in my head, and forgotten the immortal words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

By Louisiana1976 Jun 03, 2008

This article was such an eye-opener. I think I rip my own sign more
than anyone else, by giving up my own power and allowing the opinions and thoughts of others to define me. I am slowly learning how to take back my power, and to make my own definition of myself. I plan to use the exercise you discussed, first for myself and then for others in my spiritual community.
Thank you so much.

By queenie31401 May 26, 2008

Could this be tied into congnitive distortions?

By Madicakes May 23, 2008

Thank you for this series, I have been in a slump over losing hours from my job. Not even a paycheck this week, which is hard. But, I can see how this affects me and makes me feel ill, after reading your articles. I believe that I do allow other people to 'take away' my self esteem and I need to stop doing that, as I too am lovable and capable. Through your articles I have seen that I can avoid this.
Thank you for writing for us!

By Memawshewa May 22, 2008

I used to have trouble preventing my IALAC sign from rippling.Mine actually has a set life per day, so I'd try to do everything in the morning while it hadn't been attacked yet. But I've learned that it's due to lack of self esteem, and not confronting issues or conflicts headon.When you're too conciliatory, you avoid confronting what bugs, but it ends up accumulating and any charge can come trigger it and have it bug you instead. So now I try as much as I can to deal with any issues as soon as they come up, and it's made me a little more stable.

By rever May 16, 2008

I believe that in loving God, I learn to love myself. Loss can be a real trigger for self esteem. When someone or something we love is taken from us, we feel vulnerable, scared of more loss. I think one can have very high self esteem but still feel down at times. I think it's all a learning process. There have been long periods in my life when my self esteem was very high, and times when it hasn't been. I guess I think it's a gray area, not so black and white....

By nancy7161 May 15, 2008

I agree that loving yourself is the most important thing you can do in this life. However, I find that many people around me are so negative and try to always tear me down. I feel like I am floating in the universe trying to avoid so many "black holes", people trying to suck me in to destroy me with their negative comments including a daughter of mine. I struggle every day of my life to stay positive and fight off negativity.

By sagan May 15, 2008

Great article...There are times like now when I have to work extra hard to stop my PTSD and whatever from getting hold of me and shutting me down..It is so hard its times like this I have to pray for protection for whatever is going on inside.

By csand May 15, 2008

I concur...knew of IALAC -- studied in vacation Bible school..have even repeated the "mantra" in my head several times; however, am now dealing with the "ripping" in the workplace...what do we do when it is being ripped apart? How do we protect our IALAC sign?

By EdieJudge May 13, 2008

Good article, but the thing missing is: how do we avoid the sign being ripped, or what do we do when it is? I hope Julie Cohen reads these comments and can answer this here or address it in her next article.

By Lizzie May 12, 2008

Gawd your good Julie1 I'm following these articles. In my circumstances the pieces were ripped for years by mental blackmail/emotional abuse by a meanspirited mate. When it's a daily esteem-shredder, you see yourself reinforcing this battering behavior by diminishing yourself as well. The scar tissues are the hardest to heal. My depression is sincerely a failure to thrive, a broken heart, a product of my marital enviornment. I don't know if time ever heals however it's all we have. Ok time to read part 3.

By Heckster May 12, 2008

So what do I do when the person who should be making me feel validated, my husband, makes me feel totally unlovable and incapable?

By ClaresMom May 11, 2008

I just signed up to DS, and my goal is to Love myself. What a great blog and how appropriate for me at this point. I whish everyone on the planet wore this sign, just like in the Sunday School, and every time we are hurt a piece gets torn off. It would be interesting to see how long it would take for us all to realize how responsible we are in damaging others. Even though Im damaged, it doesnt give me the right to hurt others, wether its conscious or not.

By staceylm May 11, 2008

i am not loveable nor am i capable. i have learned this over the years. i used to think that i was both but society at large has made it quite clear to me that i am not.

By lookeehere May 11, 2008

My IALAC sign is torn off and seems to be gone for good. I cannot get rid of the negativity in my mind no matter how hard I try. This is what keeps my ED alive.

By JanMar May 11, 2008

I always believed that the quality of my life depends on the quality of my thoughts. If I choose to believe the negative thoughts than I will have a negative attitude towards myself and others. If I choose to only focus on my positive thoughts than my attitude towards life and the people around me will be more positive. It sounds easy enough, but it really does require effort to remain positive in an always negative world. After all, if you want to fly like Peter Pan you have to think happy thoughts!

By toriboborialb May 11, 2008

Awesome post. Wow. I am by far the biggest "sign ripper" by far. Wish I could protect the sign from my own criticism.

By jade7 May 10, 2008

Great blog! It has helped me feel better today.

By dj2431 May 10, 2008

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