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Julie Cohen is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist MFT and a Child Mental Health Specialist with a private practice in Los Angeles Her areas of focus include depression anxiety panic post-traumatic stress bipolar…
FAST FACTS
Recently I was asked by the entertainment newspaper Variety to comment on what parenting lessons could be gleaned from the reality show "Wife Swap." I have to admit my first reaction was confusion as I never equated Wife Swap with lessons of any kind. However, as the reporter and I began to talk about past episodes and how typically the show involves putting extreme opposites together, I realized there was an opportunity for kids to learn about acceptance and tolerance.
I explained that young children's brains are not developed enough to have abstract thought and concepts have to be presented in a concrete manner to be understood. For instance, if you ask a child to show you a table or chair, they will point to a table or chair as they are concrete tangible things. However, if you ask a child to point out a feeling such as anger or sadness there is nothing to point to as it is an abstract concept. The same is true for tolerance.
The best way to make an abstract concept concrete is to create a three dimensional experience around it. In "Wife Swap," the experience involves bringing someone into the home with completely different ideas about life and parenting than what the children know. Now of course this is an EXTREME example of how to teach tolerance and I think there are many easier and less dramatic ways to accomplish this task. Most people fear what they don't know. By bringing someone or something different into an environment that a child already feels safe in, they will be more likely to embrace the differences rather than fear them.
It is also imperative that you allow for an open expression of thoughts and feelings as new concepts can bring confusion. A child may have a lot of feelings that need to be accepted and processed such as fear, anger or sadness. Allowing for other expressions of feelings such as play and drawing is very helpful especially when a child struggles with verbally expressing themselves. Ultimately, if a child sees that you are willing to embrace abstract concepts like tolerance and the process of understanding those concepts they will work to embrace them as well.
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Not all tolerance is a good thing in MY view.
Your right to say, that it would have helped with my development and coping to have had this freedom of expression. As well, as to have those embrace them.
My processing in this development did not come until well after. Via damage control. Even today, the continued development of tolerance and it's process in general is needed for self-growth and healing.