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Julie Cohen is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist MFT and a Child Mental Health Specialist with a private practice in Los Angeles Her areas of focus include depression anxiety panic post-traumatic stress bipolar…
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Are You Lazy or Are There Valid Reasons for Your Procrastination?
How can you tell if your avoidance is about making an excuse or is there actually a valid reason for it? The connotation and meaning that you put behind the words is what is important. Are you lazy and a procrastinator or are their valid reasons that you have not done certain tasks. How do you decide? I work with many clients who have often struggled with bouts of low self-esteem. And it's all too familiar to use words like lazy to imply failure.
So, it's not surprising that much of the work in therapy is to reframe and rethink words with a negative connotation. So a term like lazy maybe explored and important reasons why "lazy" exists may surface. By identifying those reasons the guilt and shame give way to self-acceptance and understanding. For example, many times clients feel they are lazy and unorganized around their finances. They often are overdrawn and rarely know what is going on in their bank accounts. Often there is an underlying fear of being broke or unable to balance a check book etc. It rarely has anything to do with laziness per se. Understanding the fear often results in motivation and action.
However, after clients have mastered that theory, sometimes they still struggle with motivation for those important daily activities. And they continue to use words like lazy as a bullet into their self-esteem. I have even had clients argue with me about the self-esteem mumbo-jumbo. Their point is that the reframes just mask the real problem and they are still avoiding things that they need to do. Well, maybe yes but maybe no! It's time for more exploration but possibly down a different road.
If reframing does not work for you maybe revisiting the negative terms will help. Let's go back to lazy. Can you put another meaning behind the word lazy that will be motivating rather than debilitating? Look at it through the eyes of practicality rather than a deep dark issue. However there is one rule: under no circumstances may you judge the laziness. You may explore it and problem-solve, but being "lazy" is not a character defect. It's a flashing red light that if you choose to notice it brings opportunity for change.
So let's return to the example of finances. You are lazy about your finances so now what? Well, accept the term lazy and ask yourself what is getting in the way of tackling them? Then workout one manageable step that will begin to take you out of "lazy." Maybe you work all day and by the end of the evening you are too tired. Plan a specific time for yourself to sit down with your "books."
And of course this applies to all types of avoidance not just finances. The purpose of this is again to build self-esteem but at the same time hold you accountable for your daily responsibilities. It also works from a practical and problem solving point of view where self-judgment is counter-intuitive to the process.
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Displaying comments 14-1 of 14
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More importantly, even if taking the steps forward - I have to continually praise myself (even when I had those pause periods...). In time, it gets better, I get better and hopefully - will be able to incorporate more better habits and appreciation of myself. - True, self-judgment matters - Never say never, but praise each little step along the way.
Now if we practice this over and ove,r and just don't seem to do anything about it ..now iwe have a problem its like sweeping dirt under a rug or stuffing everything you are to lazy or dont have make time to put away in proper places into a closet ...(depression guilt fear are just a few of the culprits) one day its all coming down on you, clutter, filth ,bills piling up.. boy its a mess..so if we just practice to do at least one thing ,one thing a day perhaps we can begin to get things done ..start with the most simplest..
Don't look to the top of the mountain we must climb but follow in the path to it ..and eventually we will get there.follow me ..next thing you know you are there.....once you get motivated beleive me you will get things done and if you have a friend or relation to help you more power to you..we all need alittle push and help nothing to be ashamed of..
I ignore my finances pretty much, I only know generally how much I have and how much I owe. I do this because I am dysnumeric and cant handle numbers; and I also do it because of a lifelong belief that if I dont look at it, it wont be there. I am very careful about other facets of my life, but I have decided not to obsess about either money or my diet. I will handle them in a general way and otherwise let them alone.
Is there a good How to Problem Solve book you reccommend?
There are so many things I've wanted to do and at times even felt I was lazy because I never finished OR started. But I know it's not that, I'm not lazy. I'm tired and a lot of the time in pain. I wake up thinking I want to get up and do everything but nothing gets done. It takes me hours to get out of bed and start myself going. Putting on clothes is a chore itself. I have to rest just from doing that.
I don't think I'm lazy. I'm in pain and the thought of feeling it makes me not want to continue.