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Dr Shapiro completed his undergraduate education at UC San Diego earning a B S in Biochemistry and Cell Biology and a B A in Political Science He furthered his education at UCLA where he earned a Masters Degree in Public…
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Even Pediatricians Have Job Hazards
I knew it wasn't going to be a pleasant experience for both my daughter and me as we had been through this a few times before over the last few months...daddy pediatrician brings home the tongue depressor and a rapid strep test to determine whether strep throat has reared its ugly head once again. Already becoming uneasy on the ride home, I knew it was going to be that much tougher when I finally found her...with tears in her eyes. So after settling her down (and me as well), we proceeded with a quick exam and then, with the aid of a tongue depressor, I swabbed the back of her throat. And while I was successful in obtaining a good specimen, I was also quite successful in gagging her to the point where she was able to produce enough spit/phlegm and send it a good 2-3 feet into my gaping wide open mouth. And while I felt terrible for making my daughter gag, I found it amusing everyone in my household (other than my daughter) was having a good chuckle at my expense. And so it follows I've decided to share a few of my more memorable "job-related" incidents in hope of bringing out a few more smiles in your home as well...something we can all use these days.
So in no particular order and again only hoping to produce a laugh, here are ten that come to mind first:
1. Spit can fly: On the same day my daughter spit into my mouth, another child did the same thing...and not just a little bit. I've really got to learn to keep my mouth closed.
2. The scabies itch: And on the same day I had two children spit in my mouth, I had a 4 year old slap me with the back of his hand...a child I had just diagnosed with scabies. And yes, the critters were definitely on his hands.
3. Don't forget the goggles: Recently, a child came in with a decent sized abscess on his leg. After appropriate set-up and cleansing, I proceeded to incise and drain (I&D) it. And let's just say my mouth was closed this time but I wasn't wearing any goggles/glasses.
4. Watch out for the kick: This actually happens with the older infants lying on the examining table or when children are sitting on their parents' laps. And, well, they can get a bit perturbed when they have to be held for an ear check so the first thing that occurs in response is a nice solid kick...and for a male it's often right where it counts.
5. Be prepared for the flying vomit: I'm often prepared for child who has been vomiting but not for the one who comes in with different symptoms...like a runny nose or leg pain...part of the reason I keep spare clothes in the office.
6. Keep that diaper on: Now I feel pretty good in keeping an infant male covered after completing that part of the exam, but about once a year I forget to recover and a beautifully arched urine stream tags me well enough...another reason I keep spare clothes in the office.
7. Watch out for the head butt: New parents know what I'm talking about...you're holding an infant who is still not completely stable from the neck up and then all of a sudden...whack. And yes, it does leave a mark.
8. Ask why they're here first: I usually do know why I'm seeing a patient before entering the room, but on this one occasion, I waltzed right in, got a hug from an older child I've known since birth, and then realized she was seeing me for a lice check. And yes, she definitely had them.
9. Bubbles do burst: Even if it's a newborn's first meconium poop, it too can create a rather large bubble upon exit from the body. And when it bursts, well, best to have your glasses on...which I think is becoming clear I don't wear them.
10. Did you know the speed of a sneeze can be 100mph?: And just imagine when you are doing an internal nasal exam just inches from the child's face when this happens.
Anyway, hope this was enjoyable.
Dr. Jeremy
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Let's see, in 19 years of motherhood I have:
1. Been pooped on countless times
2. Been peed on multiple times
3. Cleaned up vomit of all descriptions (including the pet variety)
4. Ditto with diarrhea
5. Fished out pustulating mucus from a number of nasty noses
6. Performed nasal washing on two of my daughters, resulting in large masses of runny snot - which I had to clean up.
7. Washed loads of vomit-laden bedding and clothing.
8. Cleaned infected wounds - again both child and pet
9. Given injections to a sick pony.
10. Given oral meds to sick kids and pets.
11. Inserted suppositories in baby's bottoms
12. Removed stains from blood soaked clothing
13. Combed lice out of two heads - one with extremely curly hair, and washed all the bedding and fumigated the rooms and the stuffed animals.
And I didn't even get paid!