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Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross is a licensed psychotherapist with almost twenty years of clinical experience in the fields of clinical psychology and organizational management br br She has worked extensively with a wide variety of…
FAST FACTS
Shedding tears has long been associated with many different types of emotions. A recent study by evolutionary biologist, Dr. Oren Hassen of Tel Aviv University has revealed that crying in fact strengthens the ties that bind. He suggests, what most therapists have long accepted, that crying is a much evolved behavior.
When someone cries they are telegraphing information specific to their thoughts and emotions in that particular circumstance. Dr. Hassen was searching for the evolutionary reason behind why tears of emotion are part of the human make-up.
From a historical standpoint tears have been used to elicit sympathy from enemies and are therefore part of our survival skills. Tears have also been used to engender sympathy and gain assistance from groups or individuals that are not associated with one's enemies. The display of tears can offer validation of the deep connection between loved ones and can increase attachment in relationships. The actual blurring of vision that goes along with crying can increase our vulnerability which is also useful in facilitating deeper bonds. Then of course there are tears of joy which signify that we are moved by an event or a person and can be a happy release.
In some cultures or circumstances tears are a sign of weakness and people feel ashamed when they express that type of emotion. This is particularly true in work settings and even more specifically related to males in those settings. Once again, from an evolutionary standpoint, crying at work has not been shown to be a useful tool and therefore it is typically looked upon in a negative way.
Dr. Hassen is a marriage therapist and one of his conclusions is that it is "important to legitimize emotional tears in relationships". I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. As long as those tears are genuine they can convey many things to a partner. In my own practice I frequently help one member of a couple tolerate and appreciate the meaning of their partner's tears. It is important to note that the absence of tears does not mean the absence of emotion. Some people, whether through nature or nurture, have an easier time releasing their emotions through tears. For this reason it is important to look at the whole person and their many different ways of communicating their feelings within a relationship.
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hfudge
hfudge
Hey, crying is okay, especially in private, it relieves the pain then I feel everything is going to be okay. I too was raised not to cry. It took me a long time to give me permission to do so.
As I say I had an emotional breakdown. My ex, whom I loved with all of my heart, fell out of love with me. Little did I know at the time that my love of her was so great, that I did not love myself, at all (I had nothing inside to turn to). I cried, and I cried, and I cried until I could cry no longer. In so doing, I was unable to express emotion of any kind, I could not sleep at all, I lost my ability to think logically, and I became crazy, hence my suicidal attempt.
So the point I am making here is, that whilst it is healthy to cry, crying too much might not be as beneficial to that of a brief cry. The greatest lesson I learned from my experience was, that the most important LOVE in ones life is the one for ONESELF, no ifs, buts, or maybes. I still love my ex as much now as I ever did, but my love of her pales into insignificance now when compared to the love of MYSELF.