Seeing this article I thought of Saddam Hussein and his two dead sons. The one, Kusay, I characterized as a sociopath. Papa Saddam would send him out to do the dirty work. Kill a few thousand uprisers in Basra, no problem, whatever you want daddy. The other, Uday, I classified as a psychopath. A real nut job. He would go out and kidnap new brides and rape them. If the husband objected he would kill them. He even killed one of his father's guards. Probably the best thing to come out of the Iraq war is that we will never have to deal with them again.

This is an eerie article. I always seem to get goosebumps when it comes to sociopaths - though primarily through reading the comments to this piece. It's a very scary reality. And it's primarily the lack of remorse in these people that is especially frightening. My ex would claim to be a sociopath - though it is true that he lied consistently, and did have a fairly warped mind, he was very sensitive to me and the relationship in general. I honestly believe that he was simply seeking an identity (there's more to the general story, but I respect him enough not to elaborate further, suffice to say he was a very confused person). I know that he would never hurt me; his actions and words were detrimental to the relationship, but he never laid a hand on me, of forced advances where he knew they weren't welcome. Deep down, he has a good heart, he simply holds a daunting facade, and enjoys his mystery I suppose. All the same, to think that your new boyfriend, or the guy next door, or your uncle Martin, could be hiding dark secrets such as some of these examples? Just hauntingly frightening... (and I tend to be fairly afraid of people as is, let alone through sociopaths into the mix, oh dear... :P)

I was married to a rapist and didn't know it. He rapped others and kept it a secret for years. Is that considered a sociopath? He is incarcerated now for over 11 years and civilly committed. He was smart, college graduate, held a job and had friends. What were the signs that I missed?

Obviously there is a LOT more to a sociopath than being neglectful of their family's needs and not being able to sustain a relationship. Perhaps reading that article again you will find that you missed some things. Not having the ability to empathize with others in any way is a big clue, and taking absolutely no responsibility for their actions or the effect they have on others is a big part of it. Oh, they may act remorseful and say they know they are responsible, but then they turn right around and continue that behavior and you realize that saying you're remorseful and sorry are merely words they use to be able to continue their anti-social behavior. Blaming others for everything even when it seems ludicrous, such as my example of my ex raping me at gunpoint and to this day, even though he did jail time, would tell you it was my fault he raped me. Lies and deceit, doing what feels good at the moment regardless of the consequences, not being able to discern right from wrong are part of it. I remember my ex explaining, as if this were to excuse his behavior, that he could not tell the difference between when he was lying or telling the truth. They may even agree to counseling, but are often adept at 'playing the game,' appearing to 'get it' that their behavior is wholly unacceptable, but it is all part of the ruse to get what they want, and to maintain control they have over someone.

But most of all, when those who are in relationships with a sociopath, whether it be a spouse/girlfriend or children or friends, if any of those people realizes that they are dealing with someone with all these traits and has proven consistently that they will not, cannot change and they begin to pull away or actually try to sever that relationship, the sociopath can become increasingly aggressive towards them, to the point of hurting them, or ultimately killing them.

That all might sound far fetched to some who have not lived with a sociopath, but that truly is the way it is. I have explained it like this - it is as if they are born without the gene (if indeed there were one) that enables them to learn early on that hurting others (emotionally or physically), consistently lying, engaging in risky behavior, not taking responsibility for their actions, is missing. They can no more become empathetic/sympathetic, loving, caring, responsible, honest, trustworthy people than if they were born without an arm and they were expected to grow a new one. Not all the counseling, praying or wishing is going to make that missing arm grow.

I would counsel a person who comes to realize they are in a relationship with someone like this, to plan carefully. Start putting money aside that he/she doesn't know about and put it somewhere safe, out of the house, perhaps with a friend. A bank account could give you away should you receive anything in the mail that would give it away. Tell your friends and family what is going on and that you are working towards getting out, but that you must do it in such a way as to keep yourself as safe as possible.

Generally it is women who find themselves in this situation, so find out ahead of time where the women's shelters are in your area if you will have no where else to go. If at all possible, keep a suitcase packed with essentials and some changes of clothing for yourself and any children you have. Again, it might be best to keep those things at a trusted friend or relative's house.

If you are being physically abused, obviously it is best if you call the police, but often you are afraid of the consequences once after the police leave, or once the abuser, if arrested, returns home. Still, find a way to document the abuse. Take pictures if you are injured. Be honest with doctors if you have need to see one. And again, tell a trusted friend or relative. Keeping quiet and feeling ashamed often allows the abuser to get away with what they are doing. Plan, plan, plan. When the time is right and it is safe to do so, get yourself as far away as possible. If that means leaving the state, so be it.

Sociopaths do NOT like it when their 'victims' stand up for themselves, or leave them and they become stalkers hell bent on revenge. An order of protection is good documentation, but it will not keep you safe, because a sociopath simply doesn't care about a piece of paper. After all, in their minds they have done nothing wrong, you are little more than a possession to them, and they care little about consequences.

This may seem extreme and over the top and it could be there is a sociopath in someone's life who wouldn't go to such lengths. On the other hand, do not dismiss these things, make excuses, nor minimize what your situation is because one simply cannot predict what a sociopath will do.

Never in my wildest imagination would I have thought the man whom I loved, my high school sweetheart, whom everyone said how lucky we were to be best friends, was capable of so much destruction to a family. It is very insidious.

If you have a friend or family member involved with a sociopath, let them know you are there for them, and if possible, can offer assistance when they gather the strength to get out. Don't badger them that they have to get out NOW because this is truly something you have to wrap your mind around, and get things in order if you can. Hopefully it won't come to the point where one has to escape to save their life, but even then, if they have money somewhere and know of at least a couple of places they can go to be safe, they're a little ahead of the game.

And clearly a sociopath can leave one doubting their value, their self esteem is destroyed, they question their sanity and even begin believing they are the ones responsible for the sociopath's behavior. It can take a lot to undo that, so therapy, support groups, etc. can get you back on track and you can continue on with your life, a stronger person, with renewed confidence in yourself, knowing you are a person of value and deserve to be treated with love and respect.

If anyone here is offended by my comments, it certainly is not my intent to offend. Please know this is coming from my experience and experiences of others I know who have been through this. It is not professional advice and you are free to take it or leave it as being valid.

There are 'degrees' of sociopathic behavior, obviously. The main thing is a selfish indifference towards the welfare or well-being of anyone but themselves. This can work itself out in many different ways, depending upon the circumstances of the individual. Ir they are also irresponsible types they will abandon jobs, relationships, children and other responsibilities if they can get away with it. If not, it will express itself in other ways equally as hurtful. Not all irresponsible people are sociopaths, though. Sociopathic behavior is a calculated act of cruelty or indifference towards another person in a way that will hurt or harm that person but will benefit the sociopath.

Changing job and having a difficulty sustaining a relationship? Also neglectful of their childrens needs? Isnt there a lot moer to the diagnoses than that? I mean that discribes half the dead beat dads in America. My x included. Hes been married 3 times and cheats on everyone, including his current wife whom he left me for. They are in the process of a divorce now. Luckily, he has one the one child, my daughter.

I am currently married to and living with one. I plan on getting out as soon as I can, but know I will never live in peace as long as we are in the same state. He cheats on me everytime he gets an opportunity so obviously doesn't want me I would think. As soon as I leave he will be full of apologies and remorse in an attempt to get me back. WHY??????

My ex husband was diagnosed as a sociopath by more than one psychologist. He certainly fits the bill. Total disregard for the effect his actions have on others, lack of empathy, believes that laws were meant for other people to follow, and takes no responsibility for his actions. In fact, he was so enraged that I finally got up the courage to get a divorce, he broke into my home and raped me at gunpoint and was going to kill me, our children and then himself. Long story short, I finally managed to escape after a few hours, and get myself and my children to safety. He did do some jail time. However, during his sentencing, which was based on a plea bargain, he maintained that what he did was not his fault, but mine.

What puzzled me all these years was that should one meet him and spend time with him, they would come away thinking he was so charming, so down to earth, give you the shirt off his back, spiritual kind of guy. Finally a therapist explained to me that this is all part of it. It is the reason his 'victims' are so easily fooled and stick around. You begin to wonder about your own sanity because one minute your dealing with a monster and the next a charming, supposedly repentant, sincere person.

He went through sex offender counseling with a psychologist who deals only with sex offenders in the penal system. I asked this doctor if there was anything he could share with me and of course he cited confidentiality. However, he said he could share his opinion. He said this about my ex - "He is the lowest scum to have ever walked the earth, and if there is a God, he will rot in hell." This after I had learned that he had been given the diagnosis of also being a pedophile.

I loved this man with all my heart, but the insanity of the abuse, then plea for forgiveness, repeated over and over again was literally making me feel crazy. It took many years, the help of Al-Anon, and a few therapists, not to mention my teenage sons begging me to get us away from their father, made me realize the man I loved did not exist. It was a facade.

One of my sons committed suicide. I discovered in a journal he kept that his father had sexually abused him. My other sons are grown men and have nothing to do with their father. In fact they refer to him as their sperm donor. It is for them that my heart breaks the most. A father is the most important role model in a son's formative years. My boys have dealt with their pain each in their own way. But the damage done by a sociopath can spread wide and far.

I must share one incident, which really is minor compared to so many others, but when our son committed suicide (we were already divorced), my ex sat with me in church during the funeral. He turned to me to brag that he had taken out life insurance on each of our boys and since it had been more than 2 years, he would be able to collect, and he could now pay off all of his bills. It was quite literally in the middle of the funeral ceremony that he felt the need to share that with me. I swear, if my son had known his father was going to make money off his death, he might still be alive.

Namnibor,There must be a fine line between Borderline and Sociopath.When I was with the STBX he was tested for Borderline and was found out not to be. Too cunning to be caught!!

OMG the light in my head has gone off, after reading this I now beleive the SBTX is a sociopath.Our divorce is sceduled to be over on Sept. 14th. I am wondering what can be done ??We have shared custody of our 11yr. old son.He has already done a good job of Parental Alienation.My son no longer answers his phone when I call.I text and get no response. He has filled him with so many lies about me and taken away the reason I left the marriage to begin with. I did not want my son treating /talking to me as his father did.I sent a copy of this article to my atty. in the hopes that someting could be done.
Oh did I forget he is living with and engaged to a woman who seems to beleive all the bull he has fed her about me.She has 2 kids also13 and 16.They both see nothing wrong with living together even though he is not divorced.They asked the kids what they thought about it and they were ok with it. Hellllooooooo!

I believe my sister's husband is a sociopath. His behavior is totally unacceptable. He has had a tumor in his bladder removed and therefore he uses that incident to act as if he is unable to do anything for himself. My sister even has to wipe his butt after a BM. He is a sex addict. He uses everything he can to control people around him, then refuses to accept responsibility for any of his bazaar behaviors. He kept her separated from us for 20 years. My husband and sons finally had enough and they went to my sister and to him and told him he was no longer welcome in any of our homes. (This came on after he refused to put any clothes on while visiting my son's home where there were visitors present. My son is a pastor. Then when we called him on it, he said he didn't remember any of it happening) Now with the holidays coming up, my sister will not be included in a lot of our family get togethers because she feels sorry for him being left out and she will stay home with him. Are we doing right? Do we handle the holidays any differently or just let her decide on her own how she wants to live. She doesn't have any children of her own (because drugs rendered her husband infertile) and she adores my children and grandchildren. So her home is a prison in itself. My heart breaks for her and I'm caught in the middle.

What a great write-up on this disorder! It brings back memories of a 6 credit workshop PSY course I took at Cleveland State U. called "The Psychology of Personality". My question is, what is the fine line between Sociopathic and Borderline Personality Disorders? I 'accidentally' had a few dates with someone that seemed to fall somewhere in both and through much therapy with my own severe Anxiety Disorder, have learned to stay away from these Psychic Vampires! BTW-my degree was ultimately in Art Therapy but am disabled presently. Thanks!

My stepson is one.There is no living with him or dealing with any issues with him. He thinks in his own circle where reality does not exist.All is about him,everything.He lies to maintain all the nonrealities he has built. He has no friends, no jobs, but this is always my fault. I am the stepmom and I am blamed for everything. My husband backs him up and I am left looking at the insanity wondering who I am. I have learned to build a wall and have very little to do with the stepson. The marriage is surviving. I am not the happiest person in the world, but I am handling my life.

Yes I totally know the pain, my life was taken away from me and I was destroyed. I am still trying to find my way back and beginning to really be angry for all the years I lost and will never have back, and for all the years yet to come that I am spending trying to get myself and a happy life. I don't care if deep down inside they want to be good. The truth is they act with evil intent and destroy those who love them and nothing about that makes me feel sorry for them! I don't know if I will ever be able to trust another enough to allow love in my life, I dont' know if I would know if it is real or true or just another con waiting to come in for the kill. This is what my sociopath mother and my sociopath lover has done to me.

This is the man I was married to for 12 years. Under all the horrible, negitive attitudes and behaviors there is a man who truly desired to be a good person but it will never happen! He believes that he DESERVES to be respected and adored simply because he breaths! I fell for the expressions of love and remorse everytime I gave him another chance. The things he said and did cannot be explained nor understood by a normal rational person, yet he could suck me in and suck the life out of me with his charm and promises of change. You see I loved him and in loving him I lost myself, slowly and without even realizing it, a little more each day. One day, after a fierce argument that left me battered and bruised yet again, I begged him to unlock the gun he kept loaded in his safe so that I could "kill him and put him out of his hateful miserable life" and I know I would have, at that moment, I would have. Thank God he refused. I left him for good the following day, not because of who he was but because of who I became because of him! I am now safe, divorced and happier than I have been in years living in a tiny little apartment working my butt off for every nickle I earn...and I am so proud of myself!! He still pops up and begs me for another chance, he doesn't understand how i can choose to give up the houses, cars, trips, the boat, etc. what he calls the good life. He doesn't understand that the choice I have made is so much more rewarding and so much richer than all the 'things' he holds so dear.
So please, if you know or think you know anyone who has any of these traits, please be careful. Trust the gut feelings that I know you will feel and keep your distance. The charm and seduction is often the very things you need to beware of.

Thank you for this article. It has clearly defined my daughter Tracy. She is 37 yrs. old and has had a horrible history of hurting people and being downright hateful. She puts on a good face and covers up her tracks, where everyone would be completely fooled when the wrongs are pointing to her. She has recently destroyed just about everyone in the family with her hate mail, texting, phone calls, etc. and we're all trying to make it through our days fighting off the hurt done by such a person. Meanwhile, she's raising my 3 grandchildren to become "monsters" like her. I still hope and pray that a miracle happens in that household and she gets the help, she refuses to admit she needs!

It's hard to hate a sociopath,unless you know someone who's been damaged by one.Then and only then,will you truly know ."Life-changing" is a good description of what you're left with.

It sounds like my ex...it's got his name written all over this post. They should all be locked up together. And they should date and marry their own kind. Once you have been in a relationship with this type, the experience is LIFE CHANGING. You will never be the same. How can you be? They are just plain evil! No conscience, no heart, no remorse...and all they do is lie, control, blame and manipulate. PURE EVIL!!!

It sounds like my ex...it's got his name written all over this post. They should all be locked up together. And they should date and marry their own kind. Once you have been in a relationship with this type, the experience is LIFE CHANGING. You will never be the same. How can you be? They are just plain evil! No conscience, no heart, no remorse...and all they do is lie, control, blame and manipulate. PURE EVIL!!!

These are people who don't follow the signs from their own being. They act without thinking. They cause heartache in others. I've experienced some of this behavior even when cognizant of it. It is terrible and lonely. It can happen to anyone. Be open to God and life and sometimes blessings come in different ways. Be good to yourself and think slowly and clearly. We all have behavior issues. It's how we deal with them that is really the message.