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Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross is a licensed psychotherapist with almost twenty years of clinical experience in the fields of clinical psychology and organizational management br br She has worked extensively with a wide variety of…
FAST FACTS
This is an issue that has been blogged about here, debated and lamented here and yet I still feel the need to add my 2 cents. The topic of the rights of gays to marry is not going to just go away because Proposition 8 was passed. As with all historical civil rights issues, people will fight, they will march and ultimately they will succeed in righting this wrong. How long the struggle will continue is what is in question. It is a sad commentary that yet another battle must be waged in this country to determine that all people are created equal.
Throughout the years, as a therapist who works with couples, I have seen numerous same sex couples for counseling. I am here to report that, aside from anatomy, there is no difference between couples of the same gender and those that differ. The struggles are the same. The challenges are the same. The issues are the same and most importantly the love is the very same. The only notable difference is the judgment same sex couples face, sometimes from their families and always from society. It is a judgment that I have also witnessed at times of couples of a different race or religion from one another. This is a judgment that could have been at least slightly tempered if Prop 8 had not passed.
Ignorance is the most common explanation for the fear of something "different". I realize that there are other more pathological reasons for prejudice but my hope is that those are the exception. I am convinced (maybe naively) that if those that voted "yes" on Prop 8 had more exposure to same sex couples and were able to witness the bonds that tie them together they would see that they are no different from their own love attachments and that this exclusionary behavior would ultimately cease to exist.
Keith Olbermann did an excellent commentary on the matter this week which can be viewed at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVUecPhQPqY . His words were very poignant and at one point he says, "what if somebody passed a law that said you couldn't marry?" And I wonder what the reaction would be, from someone who is so strongly against the rights of gays to marry, if they were told that they could not marry the person they love. It is at the end of the day about love between two people who need each other, depend on each other and want to share their lives together. What a strange thing for someone on the outside of that bond to want to destroy or even control. I sincerely wish that people would focus on their own marriages, do the work it takes to make them strong and lasting instead of focusing on relationships that don't involve them. We have come a long way as a nation in battling our fears of that which is different and, although the road ahead will be bumpy, we must forge on with even greater determination to right these wrongs.
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Displaying comments 50-31 of 50
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If you live together as though married (be you same sex or opposite) you are considered married by law. We enjoy all the same rights and freedoms as any two people who are legally married. Marriage is legal for same or opposite sex couples.
The US is SO backwards it's scary! You talk about the Bible...you talk about GOD... Has anyone even thought that there are many different religions within the US? There are atheists and humanists as well. The law is what should be followed...not some book that has been hashed, rehashed and twisted through the centuries.
When anyone brings up god during this debate...I just start laughing.
Being gay isn't a life-style choice. It's about love. Marriage should be about love. Binding yourself to someone you love. We don't harm people...we don't convert people (there'd be alot more of us out there if that were the case) and gay people just want to be equal.
Not to mention one last thing...all sin is equal under your god. So your sins of premarital sex, living together out of wedlock, or working on the Sabbath make you just as sinful. What happened to judge not lest ye be judged? ROFL
:/
Animals vs humans is an apples and oranges argument. Not even remotely close and really has no business being here.
The problem is that once we leave the traditional definition of marriage (which was developed to promote the continuation of the species) we will have to start to accept more and more different definitions of unions.
There are people who believe in multiple wives. They can claim to love each one just as strongly. Why should they be discriminated against?
There are people who claim to love minors and the minors love them back. Why should they be discriminated against?
People love animals more than people. Why shouldn't they be allowed to consider some sort of interspecies marraige?
The problem is opening Pandora's box to everything. Marriage was originally set up to promote continuation of the species. It serves social and species purposes.
I think we need to define something that would allow people in love to be together with rights while also prevent any other groups that are not productive to society to also demand the same marriage rights. The way it is being worked now, there is so much derision that even if gay's get the right to marry, there will be hard feelings and hostility for decades to come.
Wow. Just wow.
If ignorance was a crime, I would feel as if I had just roamed through a prison with some of the responses I have seen.
Unbelievable.
Thank you for the article Cyndi.
Thanks for this post!
AZSue
Second, I am gay man who is a christian and knowing that I am going to Heaven. I accepted the Lord in my heart and life at an early age. I was raised in a christian home and my father is a minister in a nondemonanational church. The closest church I could say would be an Independent Baptist. I know the God loves me and that I am "NORMAL" - VINCE22! And to those who have been JUDGING in their comments, doesn't God say that it is wrong to judge one another. The last I read and have learned is that God is the only one that has the right to judge. When I stand before God, in Heaven, he will then judge me for what I have done here on Earth.
I was married for 10 years and have 3 grown children. I have been with my present partner now for 7 years. My previous relationship for 10 years. I know one thing with my partner - "I do have and know about "AFTERGLOW". - Vince22. (thanks for your words - callmeouch.)
My partner and I don't really care if we get married or not. Some of our friends in CA and up north have gotten married. That's fine. My family knows that I am leaving everything I own to my partner. they also know that he is the executor of my will and that it is stated that he is the sole person who has all the say if something happens to me and I am in the hospital. That is how you get around him being my partner and not my husband. he is the one the doctors talk to but he will also have my family there, don't get me wrong. Whether you agree or disagree, is something you keep to yourself. When I vote for someone or something on a ballet, I keep it to myself.
Lastly, for those of you who have made some comments - if we are all still here when the Rapture takes place, I will be the one in front, looking back at ya'll, smiling all the way. I KNOW I have a mansion waiting for me in Heaven where the streets are paved with gold.
I live in Texas so there is no hope of that ever coming up here.