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Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross is a licensed psychotherapist with almost twenty years of clinical experience in the fields of clinical psychology and organizational management. She has worked extensively with a wide variety of…
FAST FACTS
For quite some time now parents have been counseled not to spank their children. Social scientists have reported everything from depression and anxiety to aggressive behaviors being evidenced in children who are regularly spanked as a form of discipline. For decades psychologists doled out advise about how to use spanking in a productive way. We have come a long way since that was the parenting method of choice. Yet surprisingly there is still some debate on the subject. While the majority of child development specialist counsel against spanking there are still some holdouts that recommend the practice.
Robert Larzelere, associate professor of human development and family services at Oklahoma State University, reports from his research on the subject that spanking was in fact an effective tool and seemed to work better in curbing negative behavior than 10 of 13 alternative disciplinary methods. His research focused on children between ages 2 to 6 years.
Countering Larzelere's observations are many other social psychologists including Susan Newman who is the author of "Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day." She and others maintain that parents should not resort to spanking at any age and that there are many other preferable forms of discipline.
Research has provided us with enough information about the efficacy of spanking as a useful disciplinary tool. We have learned that children who are spanked at an early age tend to act out in more physical ways then children who are not. Adults who were spanked as children tend to spank their own children more often than those who were not. This makes perfect sense because it is the only form of discipline that is intuitive to them. It is what they know. It is also clear that the parent-child relationship suffers as a result of using spanking as the chosen form of discipline. It decreases trust of the parent by the child and encourages avoidance of punishment which can lead to sneaky behavior.
I recognize that there are two sides to this debate but I can honestly say that I have never advised, nor will I ever counsel parents to use spanking as a punishment. There are simply too many other options. Parents get frustrated and exasperated and in the end spanking is more about the parent's feelings then it is about an effective means of discipline. Having tools to deal with a child's misbehavior and having readily available consequences can help a parent to feel empowered and to regain control when their child is acting out. This is easier said than done but in the long run I feel strongly that the act of spanking can in some case be a slippery slope to more abusive behavior.
This topic can be a heated one among clinicians and parents, each side clinging fast to a strongly held belief about the practice. It would be interesting to hear from members here at DS about their ideas and practices on the subject. Just a note about that request: please respect other's opinions and comments and refrain from personal attacks. There is room for healthy debate on the subject.
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Mancave
I believe that children are placed within our care to "TEACH US" how to be better people, by teaching them how to be.
If you need rely on a book to tell you how to be civil to others , maybe you are better off not having children.
It takes a lot of patients to raise children. I think the world of you for finding other methods of discipline -- THIS IS REAL RESPECT. I don't even think our family animals should be hit. I never even hit the dogs we had. I think it's very disrespectful to use spanking as the only means of discipline. Maybe some kids need it, at the time, they are doing something wrong.
I don't believe in hitting any human or family pet for any reason.
I was raised in a family with one parent who was a spanker and one parent who wasn't. I hated it, and I hated the spanking parent (my dad). My dad used to hit me in the head and the butt whenever I was bad. No discussion about it, just WHAP! with his hand. It got to the place that I cringed whenever I was caught, even when I was caught by my mom, who never spanked me. I continued to cringe when I was caught for a long time after my parents divorced and Dad moved out, even though I knew Mom would never spank me. It still happens occasionally to this day.
This is the result of spanking.
In theory, I would never spank a child knowing what it did to me. In practice...I'm not sure because I don't know if I would have enough self control. This is a reason I have decided never to have kids of my own.
You are teaching them how to treat other when you treat them that way.
I never once spanked my daughter, and she is a well adjusted 12 year old with self confidence and love in her heart.
Instead of spanking them, give choices, take things away, I believe that the understanding as to "why" they chose the wrong path is a better deterrent than hitting a child.
The world is full of violence, a child's home should be a safe haven. Safe happy homes is a fundamental right that all child should have.
I hear some of you say that beating a child produces...."respect for their parents", "most well behaved kids"
Respect? come on..... If you do to your child what would be a illegal for anyone to do to you, you are nothing but a criminal in my book.
I wonder how many of the adult s who were beaten as children, leave their own children alone with their grandparents who beat them.
When you spank a child ... you are telling them that it's OK for someone to hit them, you will desensitize them and they will never know who to trust.
Teach them love , empathy, and self awareness early on and you will never have to resort to an animal-like approach to teach little people how to be human beings.
I too don't have much contact with them.
So, do I spank my son? Not usually. To be honest, I have found that when my son is acting out and I am considering spanking it is because I have not been giving him very much attention and he wants more. I am a single parent so I know how hard it is. I still try not to spank. Partly because at my son's developmental level I think he does not undrestand me spanking but him not being allowed to hit others, but this level is specific to him. Sometimes I stop what I am doing and give him the time he is wanting, if I cannot I stop for a short time to redirect him to other (safe / acceptable) behaviors. Redirection for us sometimes includes a time out, and/or an explanation of expectations.
Spanking small children: I have heard that infants need you to gently tap the back of their hand with one finger while firmly saying 'no' and gently pulling their hand away from dangerous or 'no no' objects. This is supposed to be to help them learn the meaning of 'no' long before they understand a verbal explanation of it, but the way this was explained to me it is not supposed to include either slapping or hitting on the bottom (i.e. spanking). I am surprised to hear some mention of spanking infants and hope that people are just using different words to mean the same thing I have described.
So, I am not totally against spanking and feel that I do not suffer ill effects from having been spanked, but to be honest other methods work better for my son.
They copy what they believe to be acceptable behaviour patterns, regardless of whether right or wrong. To physically assault them for merely playing out what they have learned is a crime against them in more ways than one. You do not have to be a Rhode Scholar to work this out, but then again.