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Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross is a licensed psychotherapist with almost twenty years of clinical experience in the fields of clinical psychology and organizational management br br She has worked extensively with a wide variety of…
FAST FACTS
It seems intuitive to believe that friendships make life better and make people happier. Now research is backing up that intuition and adding to the benefits of friendship such things as better health, a more positive outlook, longer lifespan and a more hopeful attitude towards life in general. Researchers have studied individuals diagnosed with serious illnesses that have strong social networks and compared the outcomes of their treatment with those who do not have close personal ties. The data has borne out a significant advantage to having friends.
Friends give texture to our lives that differs from that of our mate, colleagues, or children. Sometimes they provide a place to be silly and at other times they provide a more serious or intense connection. The obvious advantages, such as having resources available, rides to and from medical appointments and help with managing life's details is not what is being referred to in these studies. In fact, many of those things can be and are managed by a mate but apparently this does not have the same psychological benefit as does the support, even through long distance communication, of close friendships.
These rewards are not gender specific. Both males and females with long term close friendships experience the benefits of these relationships. The exact reasons are not clear but the evidence of the effect that friendship has on one's life is overwhelming. It may be that having friends lowers a person's stress level. It could also be that people who feel supported and cared about are more willing to ask for help when they need it and more likely to fight harder to recover from certain illnesses.
The New York Times recently reported on these studies and one study that caught my attention was out of the University of Virginia where they studied 34 students . They took the students to the base of a hill wearing heavy backpacks and asked them to estimate the steepness of that hill. Those students who stood next to friends gave lower estimates of the steepness of the hill than those who stood alone. That paints a powerful picture of how people perceive obstacles in their life, real or imagined, when they have friends by their side.
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Displaying comments 26-7 of 26
Got a Question?
I KNOW for a fact there are SO MANY lonely people out there with no friends...and I'm one of them. (So I know its not just me!) So why is it in todays world it seems almost impossible to make a friend? I have ALWAYS had friends up until about 3 1/2 yrs ago. Things changed and here I am with NO ONE. Even my Mother which was my best friend in this entire world passed away almost two yrs ago and the pain of having NOONE to talk to is unbearable at times.
I wish I had someone to call once in a while on the phone...go to a movie...have a cup of coffee/tea with. Like the last poster said I too met this lady at the park while walking my two dogs. She approched me and we walked are dogs and talked...I enjoyed it. But we got to her car and I wanted to say something like "Maybe we could met up again at the dog park". (Something like that but then I thought she might think I was strange or picking up on her...and I'm not...I'm married and I just want someone to TALK TO. I feel SO ALONE and I hate it...I've never ever been alone like this in my life.
Friendships are so important I feel...and people that have them I feel do so much better in life in many aspects. I do believe they are happier, healthier, & live longer. I was diagnoised with stage III breast cancer 3 yrs ago and thats when everyone walked out on me. Cancer CLEANS house....you find out who your true friends are. When I needed people the most they disappeared with a million and one excuses. It was beyond hurtful.
I am so tired of being alone. I do have a husband of 30 years but he doesn't have much to say and only likes to SIT and watch tv 24/7...I hate it. He never wants to talk about anything. He talks to his guy friends at work while I have noone to talk too.
I miss just the idea of picking up a phone to talk to my mom or a old friend. Anything that goes on in my life I have NOONE to share anything with and to be honest it kills me at times. My husband works at Disneyland so I can go any time free...but who wants to go ALONE. Not me. So where to you make friends in this busy world we live in?
StephP
Family will always be there! My sisters have become my best friends the older we get.
I cannot sit or stand for long. I can't even go out to play bingo! My back is so bad, even after two surgery's, that I have lost any friends I had. Therefore, were they really friends? I would not do that to a true friend. I do have acquaintances who only seem to call when they need something, like a recipe, or a prop for a play, etc. I wish I had the heart to deny them, but I can't. If I had a true friend or two standing beside me, and caring about me, I probably would be a lot happier, and maybe a little healthier. Laughter is the best medicine, and there surely isn't any of that in my house. My acquaintances always leave me out of there plans. I just wish they would ask once in a while, if maybe I would like to go out for lunch, or whatever. It seems they might do that for a time or two, and then I don't hear from them for a long time. I just don't get it because I try to keep the focus off of my pain. I like to talk about other things, and try to act up-beat, even if I am faking it, but the results are always the same. Thanks for listening, and again I think this was one great article.
Then I was diagnoised with stage III breast cancer a bit over 3 yrs ago and that "cleaned house" for me. Meaning everyone I knew or was even remotely close to disappeared from my life. Let me tell you I can certainly see the ADDED benefits to our health, happiness, emotional well being, etc that they are reporting in this research. The research mentions ppl with friends have better outlooks on life...more hopeful attitude, & a longer lifespan.
Since I lived half my life with lots of friends...and NOW not having even one friend to talk too makes life pretty sad and lonely at times. No one to talk to...share daily things with...no one to laugh with...go have a cup of tea with and chat...or see a funny movie. When you've had it both ways....with friends and without....believe me you can see exactly WHY its so important to have friends.
When I get up in the morning...I have no one to call and see how their doing...or to make plans with. If I go places its always ALONE. You can't share much when your all alone all the time. Its an awful feeling knowing you don't have even one person to call and invite out for coffee, or to go shopping with. My last and best friend was my Mother which passed away a bit over a year ago so I literally have no one now. At least I could pick up the phone and talk to her. It sure is hard mentally and emotionally not to have anyone to talk too. Thats not how life should be. Having friends that you care about...and they care about you makes a WORLD of difference in my opinion. That makes life so much brighter. If I died tomorrow no one would even miss me...thats pretty sad. I never thought I would see the day I would be this alone in life. I do have a husband of 30 yrs but he never wants to go any where...let alone talk. His goes to work and talks to all his buddies...he's all talked out by then. Shares little to nothing with me. I just know you feel like a total freak when you have no one in your life. Thanks to cancer the few so called friends I had walked out and never looked back. The time I needed support the most in my life was the last 3 yrs and now...but here I sit all alone.
So yes...friends are really important. For those of you that have them...do not take them for granted and make sure you always stay in touch. Having their friendship is worth more then you can imagine. (You won't understand just how important they REALLY are till you have none.) :(