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Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross is a licensed psychotherapist with almost twenty years of clinical experience in the fields of clinical psychology and organizational management br br She has worked extensively with a wide variety of…
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Simple Steps to Maintain a Happy Relationship
Most of the things I will mention in this article are simple ways to bring a smile to your partner's face and warm your own heart. If there are deep rooted issues of mistrust and anger these tips may make things feel a bit lighter and go slightly smoother but they will in no way address the underlying problems, and may even prolong the inevitable. But if, on the other hand, your relationship just needs a little pick me up (as most relationships do at some point) then here are some good ways to start:
1) Say "I love you" more often.
2) Initiate simple touching more often such as hello and good by kisses and hugs (I am always surprised by how many couples run out the door to carpool or work without an affectionate good-bye).
3) Make a date-night or have special one on one time at least weekly if not more often.
4) Talk more about what you are feeling. Tell your partner more of what is going on with you when you are contemplative or withdrawn. Simply put - let your partner in more.
5) Listen more to your partner. To add to #4 listen as your partner tells you what is going with them instead of always racing to get the task de jour done.
6) Ask questions. Remember when you and your partner were dating and you took a real interest in their day and their stories? You most likely asked questions and engaged in conversations. Don't stop now even if you think you have all the answers. We all change over time and the answer to the same question asked 10 years earlier may be completely different now. The problem is usually not that people change and grow apart, as we are so often lead to believe, but that people change while their partner isn't paying attention and that creates the distance.
7) Accept the humanness of your mate (and hope they do the same for you). Everyone has their failings - their shortcomings. Recognize what those things are in your mate and learn not to be so reactive (assuming they are not deal-breakers to the relationship). Acknowledge that even their weaknesses (and yours) are part of what makes them a whole person.
8) Give gifts and notes. A material display of affection doesn't need to be pricey (or it can be). A sentimental item, a candy or dessert, a flower will all serve the purpose of letting the other person know that you were thinking of them when you were apart. It makes the other person feel good.
9) Play together. As you go through your days accomplishing the business of life remember the things you did together, when you first dated, that made you eager for another date together. If those are things you are no longer interested in then come up with new ways to play together.
10) Show your gratitude for the other person's presence in your life. Acknowledge, on a regular basis that you appreciate what they do to take care of the family or to make your house a place you like to come home to. Don't wait for the Hallmark Holidays to verbalize these words of appreciation. Sprinkle them throughout your life together.
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Displaying comments 21-2 of 21
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I keep a journal just for my relationship. What made her smile/sad.....I'll put this in there under "Resources'
and I'll make an effort to be more attentive and really listen to her. Except one in a month when she turns into a witch, but I love her just the way she is. ty Cyndi
Carole Carson, Author
From Fat to Fit: Turn Yourself into a Weapon of Mass Reduction
Date night for example would be fab, but having no family and no babysitters, this makes any alone time out of the house impossible, and as we have 4 children, date nights with them would be daft.
Just because some relationships lack some of these steps, doesn't mean that the relationship is a bad one.
It could be that they are a very hard working couple who just need to realise their common ground. Life is hard, full of ups and downs, and its all about how we come through it all that counts.
For example, my husband and I have had some spectacular lows, we coped by talking it through, its almost like we council each other. We will talk things over and over and over - quite often the same conversation - but it helps clear the air, and builds a common ground with understanding.
Sometimes I think we need to greatful for who and what we have, but cards and gifts don't mean love for someone - it just means that person had more time and cash.
In some respects a clean home, good food, and a loving home are what i offer my husband - along with sharing the remote control, taking interest in his hobbies etc
My offering out of all of this - Give each other a break...take time, offer your time...and remember your common ground.