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Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross is a licensed psychotherapist with almost twenty years of clinical experience in the fields of clinical psychology and organizational management br br She has worked extensively with a wide variety of…
FAST FACTS
What makes you feel good about yourself? Can you take a compliment? Do you feel like you deserve good things that come your way? Do you feel like you have mastered things in your life - that you are really good at doing or knowing certain things? Everyone has areas in their life that touch off their insecurities. Those that feel as though they are good at everything and better than everyone are usually not pleasant to be around and are likely to have some serious flaws in their personality. But many people have a hard time acknowledging what they are good at and seeing their own strengths.
Like most (if not all) personality traits these things are learned early in life. When parents are overly critical or shower praise inappropriately children have a difficult time developing a healthy sense of self esteem. When early family life is chaotic, a parent is abusive or suffering from mental health issues, a child is repeatedly bullied, or some major trauma occurs, children often blame themselves and feel bad or worthless. These feelings can burden a person for a lifetime. Low self esteem affects interpersonal relationships and can hinder success in many areas of one's life.
If you are one of those people that would answer "no" to many of the questions posed in the 1st paragraph then it is well worth your time to explore the reasons you don't feel good about yourself. Some of this exploration may require some deep soul searching and the road to improved self esteem can be a long one. If the feelings are intense or border on self-loathing then you will need to talk to a professional to work through the painful emotions that have brought you to this point. If, like so many, you could simply use a boost in your own opinion of yourself then some behavioral techniques may be helpful.
Write down a few compliments you have been given more than once in your life. Compile a list of your past accomplishments - career and otherwise. Ask close and trusted friends why they chose you as a friend. Ask a mate why he or she loves you. Learn to accept that you, like every other human being, are flawed in some ways and special in others. Find what makes you different and unique and grow those parts of yourself.
I once heard the head of a private elementary and middle school speak to a room full of prospective parents. She said with some humor, "Every parent thinks their child is gifted. It is our job to find out what those gifts are." It is never too late to discover what your own personal gifts are.
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Displaying comments 26-7 of 26
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I've struggled with self-esteem issues all my life mainly because my mother was overly-critical of me as a child. It's hindered me from becoming the person I so desperately wish to be.
The first step is to realise that you need help.Second, everyone needs help once in a while!
"It is a good practice that helps me focus on what's RIGHT instead of what's WRONG."
I am learning to more quickly let go of things that are not healthy for me - jobs, relationships, instead of blaming self. I try to do some things on my to do list for the day including walking, yoga, meditation, eating well, getting outside - I dont' put "impossible" things on my list anymore that leave me feeling like a failure.
I journal so I am accountable with how I am spending my life.
if you can say 'no' and don't ALLOW others to take away your joy, your passions, your positive focus.. if you can say 'i'm worth taking care of myslef', then you realize that you CAN acknowledge your accomplishments and the positive things about yourself. i think so many times we give in so much to others and then wonder why there's nothing good left for ourselves.
boundaries. i wish i had learned about them so much earlier in life...and i'm still learning about them. its good to forgive. we are directed by God to forgive. but i also think 'an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure'. if we take ourselves out of the damaging circumstances that we DO have control over (and yes, there are many that we don't have control over), then we can feel good about our choices AND ourselves. i challenge us all to look at areas of our lives where we can set good boundaries and find good, positive self esteem from the results of sticking to our decisions.
good article.. hope i haven't overstepped here. may God Bless you all richly!
---had a wonderful life to the age of 5....then got the carpet ripped from you when your parents became JW's?...and forgave them "for they know not what they do?...when they took away all your bibles, christmas, birthdays, gifts, friends...only to be their abused slave?
---had you finaly found the love of your life, and then Ostersized by your parents cause he wasn't a JW???--I forgave them...
---had your parents separated 2 weeks after you married, (dad's secretary was more important to him)---but you got blamed for "breaking the family ties"?---I forgave them...
---had you had to have a total hysterectomy only 2 months after you married, and found out you would never have children?----I forgave myself...
---had you given your mother a place in your home, just after 6 months of marriage, when your parents divorced?---of course I forgave them!
---then did you go and get your dad, after his divorce to his secretary?...of course, I did, but, I took him to my brother to take care of him!
---and have you ever rescued your brother from a mattress on blocks in an unknown house, after his divorce to his wife, to give him a home, and let him know he is loved, and he charged up a phone bill of $400.00 in one month?---of course I forgave him...but, I got him his own phone line and so he was responsible for the bill...?
---would you forgive them all for not calling or writting in almost 5years?--of course I forgave them...
---and when I was going blind and needed brain surgery for a 2 and 1/2 inch brain/petuitary tumor,(the size of a tennis ball)---and when I told my family...they did not go to hospitol at all to see me, and my mother said.."I could get killed on a highway quicker than I could die of a brain surgery!"---of course I forgave her!
---and when I had a second craniotomy brain surgery to retrieve the rest of the tumor left...mother wanted to live in my house, cause she got kicked out of hers...I didn't say anything---husband said "no"--cause he knew "I would forgive her...!
---and when husband's 20 year job closed, and he got another job he hated, and spent 3 hours every nite, squalling at me at how much he hated it and everyone there,I forgave him!
---and now, husband is showing signs of dementia, after a stroke 3 years ago, I understand why he is so mean and hateful to me...I forgive him!...and I show more care than ever...but I am patient, and keep my "Joy"--god gives me that!--but, I am not a saint, I just separate myself from things that are not my fault, and things that happen are by god's will, and I know that he will give me strength, and love to climb every single one of these "mountains" of life!--as long as I can have a moment here and there to re-collect my senses and my "joy"---there is no use in going back and reliving every childhood, just start today, and make "some GOOD memories"!!!!!!!---pic yourself up and go outdoors and pic a flower, and look at it's perfection!---or watch the birds "play" in the sunshine, or the snow...they know they are loved!