Amy Wilson from Parenting.com wrote a funny and poignant article about why she "didn't want a girl." The gender of a child is a hot topic for expecting parents and people deal with this issue in many different ways. Amy Wilson's candor about her feelings was refreshing and many people cannot articulate why it is that they would prefer a child of one gender over the other.

From the moment a couple gets the news of a pregnancy the notion of pink or blue enters the room. Rightfully, the primary concern of any expectant parent is and should be the health of the baby. But the gender of an unborn baby can occupy to-be parent's thoughts. Some couples are eager to find out the gender and others want it to remain a surprise until birth. Personally this has always puzzled me because in both of my pregnancies finding out the gender made me feel more connected to the baby and I felt as if that information took the bonding process to a new level. I recognize that this is my own personal feeling and one that is very subjective.

I have heard many good reasons for not wanting to know the gender of an unborn baby as well. For instance, some women, particularly those who have had repeated miscarriages, would prefer not to feel as bonded to a child until they were actually holding their baby. This makes a great deal of emotional sense. One woman I know who had a boy was hoping for a girl the 2^nd time around and found out the gender in utero, which led to some depression for the remainder of the pregnancy. When baby #2 was born she adored him instantly and any thought of gender became irrelevant. For baby #3 she chose to wait until the birth so those love hormones would take over - and they did. She had a 3^rd boy and couldn't be happier to be the mom in a household full of testosterone. And then there is the ever present reason for wanting the gender to be a surprise with the often repeated mantra of, "there are so few surprises in life I want this to be one of them." Well anyone who is a parent can tell you that once that baby is born your life will be overflowing with surprises.

Whether or not you want to know the gender of your unborn child is less important than understanding your own preconceived notions about gender and your ability to relate to one gender over another. These notions are all born out of your own personal experience and often a result of your relationship with your own parents. As Amy Wilson so aptly points out, people make assumptions about other's desires as well. When a pregnant woman announces that she has 2 boys people automatically assume they are trying for a girl. Sometimes I hear parents of 2 children, one of each gender, say, "we have our boy and our girl so we are done having kids "- as if that was the goal. People come from very different perspectives on this issue and sometimes those perspectives reside within one family. This can be truly challenging.

There is no doubt that males and females are different right from the start and as they grow they present different challenges and different types of joys. (For more information on this read my earlier Blog ). Understanding your own beliefs about what a certain gender of a child will bring to your family and preparing yourself for any outcome can help prevent a feeling of grief if things do not turn out as planned. What are the messages you received about being a boy or a girl - from your parents and from the world? What are your beliefs about the roles the genders play in society and in families? What are your fears or hopes about having a boy or a girl? Have you and your mate discussed these topics and how you will both embrace the eventuality of any outcome?

I am the mother of 2 girls and personally I was thrilled to find out that I was having a second girl. My husband and I liked the idea of sisters and I already knew how to be a girl mom. It is what I know. I suppose I liked the symmetry of it all. Maybe had I had a boy first I would have felt differently - maybe not. Either way as Amy Wilson said in her article, "I love what I have and I have what I love".