Let’s Talk Turkey - The Season of Emotion by Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross/Marriage and Family Therapist: at DailyStrength Doctors and Experts

Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross is a licensed psychotherapist with almost twenty years of clinical experience in the fields of clinical psychology and organizational management br br She has worked extensively with a wide variety of…

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Let’s Talk Turkey - The Season of Emotion

Posted in Alcoholism by Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross on Nov 25, 2008

The Thanksgiving Holiday is upon us once again and with it comes many different emotions and concerns for people. I personally happen to enjoy the Holiday because it is a time to be together with family and loved ones without the hurried energy of opening gifts and cleaning up scattered wrapping paper. Don't get me wrong, it is always fun to see the children's sense of excitement and wonder as they unwrap a new toy, but something about the ritual of a meal to give thanks and an evening spent enjoying each other's company tops the other Holidays for me.

That being said, I am keenly aware of how many people struggle with this day. It is the start of the Holiday season, which in and of itself can bring up a myriad of emotions. There may be feelings of loss or sadness for a loved one no longer there to celebrate with. Loneliness runs rampant this time of the year for individuals who are displaced or without extended family. Dread is another word I hear in conjunction with this time of year when people are forced to interact with family that they would rather not spend time with. Couples feel torn and guilty about which family to visit on which year and resentments are built. Some families in turmoil take the battles to new heights when everyone is artificially forced to be together and be Merry. For those that struggle with food issues Thanksgiving can be very daunting. Most people overeat and many over drink at this time of the year and if over (or under) eating is an on-going problem then the public display of this behavior can lead to depression and even isolation.

There is no perfect solution to the above mentioned problems. They are age old and intertwined into the fabric of humanity, whether we are talking about the American tradition of Thanksgiving or family Holidays anywhere in the world. What can help to mitigate some of the feelings and fallout from the Holiday is having a plan. If you have a spouse or partner, sit down ahead of time and discuss how you would like the Holiday to look this year. If you typically have conflict with certain family members, then ask your mate to help you to avoid this interaction by providing a distraction or intervening in some way. If you are alone, make a plan to be somewhere around people, even if that means volunteering your time to people in need, or pick up the phone and call a friend. Note ahead of time what your specific pitfalls are for the particular Holiday and come up with an action plan to deal with each one, including the issue of food if that is problematic for you. Whatever your personal issues are with the Holidays, make a conscious effort to avoid suffering through them this year. It may not be the "most wonderful time of the year" for you but it doesn't need to be the most dreaded either. Thanksgiving is, if nothing else, a day to focus on what we are thankful for and certainly we can all think of something. It is a time to make connections with other people and to try and relax. Just as surely as we can count on the Holiday appearing every year we can depend on it quickly passing. It is after all just another day. If it is one that you struggle with then try to keep that in mind.

It would interesting to hear accounts from the community about how people have managed their anxiety about the Holidays and even solutions to some of the common concerns people have during this time of the year. Whether or not you dread, tolerate, avoid or celebrate Thanksgiving, I want to wish you all a peaceful and if possible, joyful Holiday.

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CONDITIONS AND COMMUNITIES: Alcoholism • Anger Management • Anxiety • Bereavement • Caregivers • Child Support & Custody • Codependency • Depression • Eating Disorders • Empty Nests • Family Issues • Healthy Eating • Healthy Relationships • Life After Divorce • Marijuana Addiction & Recovery • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) • Parenting 'Tweens (9-12) • Parenting Big Kids (5-8) • Parenting Newborns & Infants (0-1) • Parenting Preschoolers (3-5) • Parenting Teenagers (12-18) • Parenting Toddlers (1-3) • Seasonal Affective Disorder • Senior Health & Aging • Single Dads • Single Parenting • Step Families

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Displaying comments 24-5 of 24

It’s really hard to celebrate special holidays if one of your loved one is not there to celebrate with. Emotional stress can be manageable if u only knew how to cope up with it. There are solutions in every problem. May it be emotional or health problem just like Planet Hospital is not a theme park, or a giant medical complex. Planet Hospital is a very real company that focuses on medical tourism. Medical tourism is a term for going overseas for medical procedures for a fraction of their domestic cost. Why get an operation for $50,000 when you can get it for $5,000 a few thousand miles away? The industry of medical tourism is a growing one, since the cost of surgery is becoming far too prohibitive for the average person to consider the normal operations. This makes Planet Hospital an inevitable development.

By NicolasL Apr 01, 2009

What if you never get your time alone, the empty nest? I love my son more than anything in the world, yet since his accident in 1997 he has lived with us and will continue to do so until both our demise at whifh time he will live with sister #1, then #3 if necessary. i just retired, jus got sick a couple of years ago, now finding time to grieve some for myself and the loss of my own last years, and have finally gained the courage to admit I even have it. Just wondering about others.

By Ksfarmgirl Dec 11, 2008

I dread the holidays-family does not get along since parents died
one brother took all my furnishings from the family home
adn refused to give me any- He hurt me so much -he took 10 rooms of furniture-then i get a Christmas invitation,you gotta be kidding me
I send gifts ,no word from them- sister in law took my things
and does not care
Christmas- controlling in laws who are so critical
I send cards to them,I did nothing wrong and so I celebrate holidays
working ,visitn cemetery and vlounteering- I t works for me

By Kellie58 Dec 04, 2008

I enjoyed the food of Thanksgiving this year.
I did some isolating.
I did some arguing while watching the Dr. Phil show debate the fallout of prop 8.
I criticized others and myself.
I was hypomanic and could not help being angry.

By cthays Nov 30, 2008

We are from the Cedar Rapids IA area and it is tough to be thankful. Many people are just giving so others people can be thankful. The place is improving all the time since the floods.

By kricrafts Nov 30, 2008

My 3 year old has a genetic illness called cystic fibrosis. On Thanksgiving we go to my Aunt's house. Her son passed away from Cystic Fibrosis 4 years ago. Everytime I walk into her house a feeling of greif just overwhelmes me. But this past year, I walked up to his pictures and smiled. I am going to show them to Lilli and tell her who he is and was with an understanding that Lilli's illness will be different that his.

By NoelA Nov 30, 2008

Canadian Thanksgiving was on Columbus Day and passed unheeded as it happened a few days after my father died and I was helping my mother pack up her apartment to go and stay with my sister til her apartment in the senior living building was ready (she moved in yesterday). Christmas is going to be hard for all of us, and it is hard for me anyway because I live alone in Canada and my family are in the States, and I happen to be living in the part of Canada that is the Indiffrence Capital of the World. In 11 years nobody here has invited me to their home for any reason at all. I will go to my mothers place for Christmas but we will not be Merry this year. I am thankful that I still have her, and for my good job among people who after five years still do not invite me to lunch and did not even give me so much as a card when Daddy died...I have a good boss though which has not always been the case.

Incidentally, when I am feeling alone at the holidays, the last place in the world I want to be is eating dinner with the homeless. That makes me feel even more alone.

By Appleby Nov 30, 2008

well it is over thanksgiving any way. i just tried to go into walmart and was crying on the inside. after growing up in a large family and now being along i can't take the holidays. till mid january around my daughters birthday i will be down. sitting and crocheting alone seems to be the only thing left to sooth me. being around people is the worst because they are not my family only strangers.

By curleysue Nov 29, 2008

I hop you had a great thanksgiving Will-Viles

By wev9570 Nov 29, 2008

I am shocked that there are so many that are lonley,broke, or cant get along. I cant cook a large meal- barely just a three course dinner. most of family is gone- i pray,give thanks for what i do have. And you know what- its over with!!! God bless all of you!!!

By tickey Nov 28, 2008

I have no family left. Used to be we went to my grandmothers for a huge Thanksgiving dinner, but that was a long time ago and now everyone I used to go WITH or TO is gone. I went to the house of a friend of mine from jr high school. He's a gourmet chef so the food is always good but, aside from him, I don't know his family or his wifes family and I always get the feeling she's uncomfortable with me there. And he's usually so busy putting everything together that I can't even talk to him very much, so I sit at his computer and do things I can't do on mine (because his is so much better and he has broadband, unlike my dial-up). After dinner we managed to spend time talking about stuff but before long his wife came and called him back inside again, so that didn't last long. I don't know why I subject myself to this but it makes him happy, I get a free meal and as many leftovers as I want (which means that's less food I have to buy or cook). Gets me out of the house for a few hours.
Maybe I'm just a wet blanket when it comes to the holidays.

By ALC67 Nov 28, 2008

I *wish* I were healthy enough to get out and volunteer somewhere. I can see how that would be really beneficial. But for those of us in chronic pain, just leaving the house for a brief run to a store can be daunting and more than enough for a day. I'm here at home, just me and hubby. I am trying to make a nice little healthy (mostly vegan) meal. I avoid my family now after many years of painful arguments at the end of a Holiday. It is just not workable for us anymore. I am trying to find the joy in preparing this little meal and saying small blessings to myself for others in far worse situations than I am. Peace to you all this Holiday season. May you find "the" way to make it happy and conflict free...and hopefully painfree too! Blessings, *Melstar

By MelStar11 Nov 27, 2008

My husband is always a wonderful buffer around my family during the holidays. He takes the heat off of me & butters up my bitter grandmother by helping her around the house & being solicitous of her. I can't imagine having a life without my husband and being without the amazing support he offers each year, day and moment.

By Cemetery Nov 26, 2008

Not sure how many people watched Boston Legal on monday night but catch it online as WOW, do they show how to handle thanksgiving. I just love that show anyway.
I came up with a saying this morn-now let's see if I can recall it:) Ahh yes, sometimes the things we thought to be the most awful can turn out to be blessings in disguise. Or atleast something to laugh about as years go by...So count your blessings.

By calady50 Nov 26, 2008

I found myself feeling depressed yesterday, wondering why? It's the holidays, not wanting to see certain family members, missing my deceased mom, who always made the holidays so special, and feeling guilt about not visiting family on thanksgiving day. After reading your article I realized there are millions who suffer through this season. I have made a decision to remain positive and give thanks for God's love and what is positive in my life.

By jitterstwo Nov 26, 2008

My mom, and my 2 sisters had a falling-out in October. I am in the deepest depths of parenthood with a 5 year old with ADHD (still "grieving"), and boy/girl twins that just turned two. I am cooking my very first Thanksgiving meal! It is exciting! My daughter is helping in small ways. I'm making a turkey breast in the slow cooker as I have NO interest in cooking an entire bird. It will just be my immediate family and that is all I want...to make our OWN traditions -- a stress free and fun day.

By JodiinKY Nov 26, 2008

My friend's father recently died of colon cancer and it made me so sad. Then she called me a few days ago to say her live-in boyfriend and she broke up. So, I invited her over for lunch and shopping. She came over and proceeded to tell me that her father had come home from the hospital, because there was nothing more they could do for his condition. She got a call that she had to go to her parents house right away. Her boyfriend got there first and cleaned up the blood and mess from her father committing suicide by shooting himself in the head. When she told me all this, my heart felt like it fell to my stomach. I've never seen her cry and I felt so bad for her. She claims the paramedics refused to let her see her father but to remember him as she last saw him. No matter what your Thanksgiving looks like, remember others who are in need-emotional, mental,etc. Reach out to at least one person. the love you give out will come back to you in other ways. Giving really benefits the giver more than the givee. Amen.

By Cybercatxq Nov 25, 2008

To quote me dear old pops, "Thanksgiving, smanksgiving...it's just another day". Food, family and noise, yep a typical day at our house with 9 kids. Personally, family is not so great as they all have baggage, like I do. However, this year it will be me, my daughter, my 2 brothers and my mom. Now, my brother starts drinking nonstop and gets plowed face and that's a situation I am not comfortable with, especially when he sticks his stinking breathe in my face. Instant migraine. so, I'll be keeping my distance. I'm going mostly for my mom (who has cooked over 50 Thanksgiving dinners and deserves a rest) and daughter, who i feel needs traditional rites to a certain age. If it gets weird, we'll take a walk, play on mom's iMac or go home. But, I won't let whatever happens get on my nerves. If you're feeling blue, play Michael Buble or Josh Groban music. It's inspiring.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBg...

By Cybercatxq Nov 25, 2008

On Thanksgiving Day, I will attend an An-anon meditation meeting in the morning with 15 minutesw of quiet refelction followed by a speaker and sharing.

Later in ther day,my wife and I are having 12 al-anon friends over to our house to share a potluck dinner. We are all looking forward to it.

By FlandersMan Nov 25, 2008

Have a good one!

By choasity Nov 25, 2008

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