Poor 14 - not exactly a feminist, eh? But a person with 2 heads????? is this an American joke that I am missing out on? JaneD.

I met a lovely lady and thought what do I have to offer her. I'm still alone

Evey good man should have a good woman,someone to help him with all of the troubles he would not have if he never married.

Evey good woman should have a good loyal and responceble husband,someone that she can yell at,lie to and blame when her lover makes her pregnant.

Children: the price that a man has to pay for being born with two heads and only one brain.

...and not everyone believes in a god. So your advice might be moot to some, but good some pointers. Especially just chilling out and being single for a while. I am going on 4yrs. Still not over it, but someday...maybe? However, Appleby and MelindaG do have some good points too. I NEVER approach the "girl pack." Too much pressure.

don't listen to Appleby, MelindaG, I can take this question Cindy....

When you feel like every man is going to cheat, then you are not ready for another relationship with anyone.
You know how when you marry, your two spirits are fused together as one? Well, when you get a divorce, your two's spirits don't split equally. Instead, the one spirit splits down the middle, and both of you will be left with half a spirit, feeling like a part of yourself is missing. Only God can heal that broken spirit, and that takes time.

Going thru a divorce, is like going thru a death in the family, because of this splitting down the middle of your spirit. You go thru all the feelings that you feel when someone close to you dies. Sadness, loneliness, depression, thoughts of suicide, all of those things are completely normal, don't let anyone tell you, for example, that your not a christian because you have suicidal thoughts, because thats just not true. Whenever someone dies, thoughts of suicide are normal, and its the same with divorce. because you are essentially mourning the loss of your husband. Despite all the things he did to you, you still feel loss, this mourning.

Don't think about ways to prevent it from happening again. Instead, you should stay away from single men altogether for awhile, and concentrate on "female only" friendships for awhile. This way, you won't be tempted to get romantically involved with someone else, while your mind is still healing.

You'll know when your ready to date again, when the thoughts of what your ex's did to you, no longer come to your mind on a regular basis. You have to be mentally ready to enter a new relationship as if it were your first, before you are ready for a new relationship, does this make any sense?

Don't just cover up your feelings with another guy, because that is what they refer to as a "rebound".
You don't want a rebound, because all your doing in a rebound, is taking your current emotional problems, and passing them on to a new guy to deal with. Thats not what you want to do, because you'll start blaming him for your past, as an example, or you'll start to see him doing things that aren't really taking place at all. You don't want to get some nice good guy, involved in your own marital and divorceal problems like that, those are your issues, not his, and if you bring those into a new relationship, all you'll be doing is hurting the guy in the end, or vise versa.

As a single man myself, nothing annoys me more, then a woman who can't stop talking about their stbx,
or a woman who can't stop talking about the past. Its one thing to mention them, but you don't want to dwell on the past, or keep bringing up the present complaining about your stbx in front of the guy your with. IF you do that, eventually you'll drive him away.. even the most patient of men you'll drive away doing that..

So again, work on letting the past go, before getting involved again.
They say it takes at least a year to be ready to start dating again after a divorce is finalized,
and 5 years, for every year you were married, to be ready to marry again. Although everyone is different in how slow or fast they deal with loss, those are the general guidelines to follow.

Seriously, make female friends. When I was going thru all that, every time I'd try to get involved with a single woman, I'd be pushing her away. I'd do that rather we were "just friends" or more then that,.
I kept doing that over and over again, even to married women who are "just friends" because I had issues with abandonment. When both my ex's cheated on me, I felt like every woman in the world would eventually abandon me for someone else. Not only did it affect my relationships, but it affected my "just friendships" with happily married women as well, so it was then I realized, I had to learn how to make male friends, instead of women friends, before I was mentally ready to start dating again.

After all, women especially don't have any trouble meeting guys.
All a woman has to do is walk outside and say in a soft voice "I'm single"
and at least a dozen guys come after her. Thats just the fact of life, and if you
go where the "men" are, all your doing is looking for the perverts.. The perverts
are the ones that are going to come up to you in a hardware store like that, .
Only God can find you your true soulmate, don't go to where the perverts are,
Let God be your guide :)

Form some interests that arent Girl related. You will probably not meet a Mate in a shoe store or La Senza or Baby Gap. Go to a car race, a hockey game, a sports bar or other places where men congregate. Know what they are talking about. Join in.

Do not go everywhere with Girls -- men do not approach a Girl Pack no matter how much they might like the look of one of the packsters.

Let it be known you have sponsorship money to distribute. Men will seek you out. Drive an expensive sports car. Work on it yourself in public places. Collect hockey or baseball cards and go to card shows. Attend beer festivals.

Go where men go and do what they do.

I am still technically married, but I worry when it comes to finding someone new because my stbx was so controlling and abusive, and addicted to pornography. I have this fear that all men are like this. One sign of porn use or if they seem too eager to be with me, I avoid them and try to get away. My boyfriend I had before I was with my husband was also addicted to pornography. Although not abusive towards me, he had a drug and alcohol problem.
How do you stop attracting creeps like I seem to do? How do you know when you meet one? My stbx and my ex-boyfriend both seemed like "Prince Charming" for the first 3-6 months. By the time I figured out that something was up, I loved them too much to just walk away. Because of that, I am afraid to get close to anyone. Is there help for people like me who attract that kind of person?

After all, nothing is absolute in this world. There may be a day, after I get married, where she can't medically have sex anymore, for I dunno, umm, like if she had her ovaries taken out or something, and the doctor told her she couldn't have sex anymore... Would I divorce her because she can no longer have sex with me?? NO!!! because thats selfish, and I wouldn't want to BE married to a person who would do that to me... So therefore, waiting to have sex until I'm married, and proving to her that I can refrain from it no matter how close we get physically to each other, proves that I care enough about her to wait, that my own desires can be controlled, and are not as important as the feelings I have for her. Thats what a REAL marriage is all about in my humble opinion.

rivertraysea, I don't believe that meeting your true love, has anything to do with how much, or little, you talk to each other on a first couple of dates, or how much, or little, eye contact you have for one another. Eye contact or communication has nothing to do with feelings, emotion, and general chemistry.
I've been dating a girl for the last 5 days now, who is completely blind, and I'm nearly completely blind myself, so despite the fact that her and I have that in common, we are noticing that we are falling for one another, despite having ANY eye contact whatsoever. You don't have to be able to stare into someone's eyes, to know how you feel about one another.

Now, as we are just dating right now, we do talk alot, and are getting to know each other slowly, but the chemistry between us was there from the start, and had nothing to do with eye contact.. In the beginning, she wanted someone closer to her age then I am (I'm 7 years older, but she wanted closer in age then that even) and she wanted someone who is sighted, for the simple fact that someone sighted could drive her around to where she wanted to go, but once we started dating on a regular basis, she started to see how imdependant of a person I am despite my blindness too, and thats when things really began to move forward in a positive way. For the first time in my whole life, I've finally met a girl who wants to go steady with me, who I can see having a future with.

Is she the one for me? I can't answer that yet, for its only been 5 days, but the past 5 days have been the most wonderful 5 days of my life. Some people think the word "going steady" sounds immature, but to me, going steady means "boyfriend/girlfriend" just easier and shorter to say. To me, going steady means "you want to see that person and that person only" but are not ready for a marriage proposal yet. Would I marry her? probably, but after 5 days, I just can't answer that question right now..

but in the meantime, I believe in one man, and one woman. Even though I've only been dating this girl for 5 days, I could never date or "hit on" anyone else. Even at this early stage, I feel that is wrong, because even if your not sure if she's "the one" or not, I believe its wrong to date, or get to know romantically, more then one person of the oppisite sex at the same time, and unfortunately, alot of both men and women date around, and to me that is the first mistake most singles make, because even though I don't know if she's "the one" yet, if I can't show her that I can commit myself to just one person now, who is to say I will be able to after marriage? Its like married women who cheat around, if she can't stay committed to her current husband, who is to say she won't cheat on this other guy too? Chances are, she probably will if she an't stay faithful in her current life, and I feel the same way about single dating, if a person can't prove faithfulness before marriage, who says you'll be able to afterwards? Again, chances are, probably not..

and honestly, I think thats the biggest problem singles have today, along with not respecting the other persons opinions and beliefs. For instance, whoever I end up with, I don't believe in having sex before marriage, and I'm not going to put myself in a position where I would be tempted to do so. However, hugging, kissing, even making out on the couch feeling each other up, no way in the least bit "temps" me into having sex, and if just kissing or just touching a woman, tempts me too much, then I wouldn't want her to go out with me, because I would be too obsessed with sex to even consider marrying that person, for if I can't refrain from having sex before the marriage, who is to say I wouldn't insist on it after? For men, or women, who can't refrain from having sex before marriage, will only lust for sex after marriage too, and that only causes married couples to fight about one person not getting enough sex or whatever, and to me, all that proves a person is too selfish to be ready for a marriage, only thinking of themselves, and not the other persons feelings....

Simple and to the point, you've got put yourself out there. A challenge for me as I'm naturally just introverted and like keeping with what I know, but hey, life's a journey, not going to get anywhere if I don't get out there.

go to STDromance.com and meet the mate

its not easy but I try....

no one can make life complete for you. You must be happy with yourself. And since none of us ever are completly happy with ourselves we are just lucky when someone else decides they are willing to take us as we are. of course they think they can change us however nobody ever changes. we are what we are and thats just how it is.

How do you meet someone,when you have a lot of health problems?You tell them they are gone.

Movies are bad ideas for the 1st couple of dates. You can't talk and make eye contact. When you just sit next to each other and enjoy a movie, fine you enjoyed the movie, but you got to know nothing about your date! It can also be very uncomfortable to sit next to someone for 90 minutes without speaking much or at all that you don't know. Just my thoughts! Good luck.

Thanks for the advice. I’m really in to meeting my special someone, so with these tips and advices it is really helpful. I’ll be taking her to a movie called The Proposal, since she really likes Sandra Bullock. The Proposal took the top box office slot, whereas Year One came in fourth, although the lesser amount of quick cash it made was projected. The Proposal is about an office executive from Canada (Bullock) forcing her maltreated assistant (Reynolds) to marry her so she can stay in the U.S. Year One is about the world's first road trip, undertaken in Biblical times, and a lot of people still saw it, even if it made less quick cash than other films this weekend. So what do you think? Is taking her to movie room will make her date me for a while or not?