In these increasingly stressful economic times the choice between love and career has become even more difficult than in the past. Statements such as, “I have no room in my life for a relationship,” or “I was so focused on climbing the ladder of success that I missed the relationship boat altogether,” or even worse, “My marriage ended because I was never home,“ are regular topics in many therapist’s offices. This very black and white thinking has forced people to one side or the other and they are finding it nearly impossible to strike a healthy balance.

It is true that today employers expect more from employees in terms of time and dedication. Professional careers that were once fulfilling adjuncts to a whole life now seem to suck people dry leaving them with little to give to a mate or a family. Family dinners, let alone date nights, have become a luxury reserved for those at a high enough level to make their own choices, those who are self-employed or those who are unemployed. Of course there are still jobs that have set hours and allow for a more balanced life but they are becoming less common. It seems to be an issue that is faced by many across all of the socio-economic spectrum.

So how do you manage this opposing pull? How do you continue to pursue your career goals while not losing sight of your interpersonal ones? In short, it is not easy. You do need to ask yourself some hard questions such as where you see yourself in 5 or 10 years, and how does the job you’re doing vs. the relationship you’re in play into that vision. Some people define themselves by the work that they do and in the absence of a mate, or desire for a mate, that is in fact their priority. This is a very personal choice and there is no one right answer. Certainly many people feel that their career is something they have some control over while meeting a mate and falling in love is left to chance. That statement should be examined carefully for its validity.

If you are in a relationship there are things you can do to make sure that you don’t actually have to make the choice between love and career. Make sure you are on the same page with your partner. If your job requires frequent travel–which can be extremely hard on relationships–carve out very specific times to be together when you are in the same place at the same time. Make a commitment to the time you do have together by focusing on each other. This means setting aside specific times that can be for answering emails, returning phone calls, or attending to work at home. The other times are time off from work periods that are for your partner and or your family. With technology work life has crept into home life like never before. Use your time at work as efficiently as possible so you can get home for that ever important family dinner at least 3 times per week. Take a close look at what your priorities are and try to honor those priorities by living your life accordingly.

Cyndi