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Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross is a licensed psychotherapist with almost twenty years of clinical experience in the fields of clinical psychology and organizational management br br She has worked extensively with a wide variety of…
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Admittedly I am of a generation that came to the internet either eagerly in early adulthood or reluctantly slightly later. I am in the latter group. I used to be a happy pen to paper letter writer, and I am an obvious advocate of face to face communication, but I have embraced the technology and certainly recognize its profound impact on how people engage with one another.
DailyStrength provides a community of individuals who share common goals and concerns. It offers professional and personal advice and even provides a venue for making new friends. This is all good stuff. Social networking sites are set up differently than DS but also provide many of the same things but with the stated goals of connecting or reconnecting with others either platonically or romantically. I have even had a few clients meet and marry as a result of internet dating sites. In a large city, where it is often difficult for people to meet likeminded singles, this is a wonderful option. So in general I am a big fan and often encourage my clients to make use of this (relatively) new technology to improve their lives.
What I am left wondering though, is if anything is being lost or missed by sitting in front of a screen and typing out our thoughts to a potential mate. Some people are very good at it and are adept at the screening process and others struggle to try and connect. Relationships sometimes take what seems like an unnatural course as personal information gets revealed on-line that may have taken several dates to unfold in the past. The lack of facial expression and body language can actually mislead the receiver of the information and result in unnecessary misunderstandings.
Then there is the problem of isolation. While chatting on-line is better than no contact at all, who doesn't feel more connected after seeing a friend face to face than they do when they communicate via computer or text message? There are certainly those individuals that would be more likely to motivate and seek social contact if communicating on-line were not an option. I recognize as well that there are also those individuals that, because of psychological or physical barriers, would simply be cut off from outside contact. For them this method of communication is invaluable.
So therein lay the dilemma that comes with all new life altering inventions - what is lost and what is gained? Overall the advantages outweigh the disadvantages but I think it is incumbent on us as a society, and certainly on those in my profession who are trained to help facilitate healthy communication, to emphasis the importance of human contact. Individuals need to weigh the time they spend looking at a screen with the time they are in the presence of friends and loved ones. If the scale begins to tip towards the former a conscious adjustment should be made. Connections may be made on the computer but cherished memories are not, and it is important that we don't miss out on participating in life because we are too busy responding to emails or meeting new faceless people on-line.
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Displaying comments 19-1 of 19
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I will never again go online to meet someone. I am 28 years old and I am fully aware that any relationship that is going to survive needs the intimacy and openness that can only come from face to face contact. Too much email, texting, etc. is very damaging to a relationship.
That said, I think the Internet is useful for people with common interests or goals (i.e., finding a romantic partner) to meet each other, although the relationship should transition from the computer to meeting in person within a reasonable amount of time. It's too easy to hide one's personality or character defects behind a computer screen.
It's easy to maintain anonymity on the Internet, although that can be an advantage if someone is seeking support for an issue or problem they are afraid to tell to someone they know. Some people find it easier to talk with a stranger about certain issues.
Generally, though, online interaction shouldn't take the place of real-world interaction with others. It's too easy to isolate behind the computer. Like anything else, it's okay in moderation.
On the other hand my four closest friends I met online. Two I often talk with on the phone or they'll come over for dinner or vice versa. Turns out one of them lived five minutes away. She and I clicked from the word go but it was our first face to face meeting that sealed the deal. We're friends with the families of both. The third has just moved to our state with her family. We've been wanting a face to face for years and now we finally have the chance. The fourth still lives interstate but that hasn't stopped our friendship from growing and maturing over the years.
I agree, no-one should spend the entirety of their time in front of the computer. You have to get out and meet "real" people sometimes, even if you have to force yourself to do it but the internet can be a useful way in which to break that proverbial ice.
I think the net for dating is meant to be a tool to meet people and take it to the next step-not the only means if communication.
Seeing as how there is no way to stop these developments due to the nature of evolving technology and the real life fact that we cannot go back in time, I think DS is definitely a positive, because these face-to-face social impediments are going to happen regardless, and it is now up to the individual to seek out healthy face-to-face relationships; DS allows people also to connect with others in a way that would otherwise not be possible. True, this can lead to a pandora's box phenomenon, and excess drama in some cases, but that too is a lesson that now must be learned and overcome. Simply a new human barrier. I think we should all be careful to monitor the things we say online as best we can, but that in general DS offers a temporary solution to an unmet need. I'm sure this is obvious to almost anyone who uses the site, but yeah, I think that people just need to be more careful with what they say when online, and to make sure to seek out outside support as well.
Okay, I said I wasn't going to go into a huge discourse, but believe me... this doesn't even scratch the surface of my thoughts on the matter. Have a good one ya'll.
Some of my non-DS friends have moved away and I can't see them face to face as I used to and the internet keeps us in contact. Same with distant relatives. Without the internet there's no way I'd be in as close contact with them as I am now.
And for my DS friends, a lot of us wouldn't even have met face to face because socially we move in vastly different circles. Yet here we're best buds.
My neice married a guy she met on-line. They have two kids and are happy as clams.
A lot of people these days don't have the time to sit down and write a letter on paper any more. The immediacy of email trumps the postal service any day. Especially when your postal service is like ours and 'loses' mail more often than not.
And it's great for people who, like me, are more reclusive and just don't LIKE going out. We can still have social contacts while remaining where we really want to be-HOME.
I think the danger is making the internet the ONLY place you socialize. That's not good.
I wish you the very best,
Cyndi
you might enjoy this -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMG...
In work life I consider myself their equal no matter what their position is. Society though has those silent rules that others whom do jobs you would never do are considered at a lesser rank and worth.
So though I may consider myself their friend....they probably don't. May not even know my first name but they talk to me everyday. For the last 8 yrs.
So though human contact is very important...you can become closer to ones online than the people you talk to out in the supposed real world.
You can build good relationships anywhere by goo communication and respect for one another.
Just my take on the subject!
Love Rhea