Standing in line at Target the other day, a woman behind me said in a frustrated voice, “Why can’t people control their children?” It is a pretty noisy store so I hadn’t noticed anything until I looked around and saw a woman trying to cajole her child out of the store after the child had made quite a mess near the register. It was one of those moments when you simultaneously feel badly for the struggling parent and unfortunately (and unfairly) just a little judgmental. Thankfully no one said anything to the struggling mom but I know the woman behind me in line felt like doing so.

I have heard from many of you here at DS about your frustration with other people’s children. Sometimes the comments are warranted and sometimes, well, they are just plain angry attacks. Either way I have often wondered how those of you who are frequently annoyed by other people’s children interact with them out in the world. Do you discipline other people’s children if you feel the parents aren’t doing a good job of it? There are good arguments for both sides of this issue.

In favor of staying out of it is the idea that it is not our business and that people have different parenting styles. Life out in the world is messy and we can’t always have quiet when we want it particularly when we are somewhere that people frequent with their children. In some cases we can avoid the aggravation by not going to places that children are likely to be running amok. I would say that Target, at certain hours of the day, is definitely one of those places. We can and should respect other people’s boundaries even when we feel ours are being encroached upon. That goes under the old saying that two wrongs don’t make a right.

The argument for disciplining other people’s children includes the notion of 'it takes a village.' Do we not do a disservice to everyone if we don’t intervene when we see kids engaging in inappropriate behavior? An example of this might be if we witnessed a group of kids in the act of bullying or if we see a child in a store willfully damaging property while their parent remains oblivious. Not only are we likely to have a positive effect on the misbehaving child but we are also setting an example for our own children by redirecting that child in their presence. We are teaching our children to get involved, stand up for what is right, and be concerned about things beyond themselves and their own life. These are good character traits to build.

I think we can all agree that in the interest of safety we should always intervene. If a child’s behavior is putting them or someone else in danger it is incumbent upon us to get involved. In my opinion, when another child’s behavior affects your own child, for instance a child becomes rough or aggressive with your child at the park or another public place, then you need to step in and model for your child how to be assertive and take care of yourself. As they get older you can help them with the words to do this themselves. Depending upon a number of different variables including, the circumstance, the other child’s behavior, and even my mood I may or may not chose to get involved in a situation that has nothing to do with me or my own children. I have often pulled over in my neighborhood to admonish teens playing in the street putting themselves at risk and frankly making it hazardous to pass by them. But in a situation like the one I experienced at Target I would keep my opinions to myself. No one really knows what is going on at that particular moment with that parent or child and to assume that the parent simply doesn’t discipline their child is definitely making a judgment with very few of the facts.

I can clearly see both sides of this argument and recognize that different moments call for different types of responses. It would be interesting to hear from some of you on this subject particularly those who have been so vocal in the past about their reaction to other children’s behavior in public.

Cyndi