Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross
Marriage and Family Therapist
Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross is a licensed psychotherapist with almost twenty years of clinical experience in the fields of clinical psychology and organizational management br br She has worked extensively with a wide variety of…
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4 Easy Steps to Goal Setting
5
Posted in ADHD / ADD by Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross on Jun 10, 2008

We have a wonderful feature here on DS that allows a member to create goals. It's great that people enjoy setting and tracking their goals and we have seen evidence of that here. For many years I have worked with individuals to help them achieve their goals using Solution Focused Therapy, a well-researched and effective type of therapy to which I attribute many client success stories.



The goals can be interpersonal, focusing on emotional issues, or more concrete and measurable such as weight loss or the elimination of destructive behaviors. Some people have found their own methods of reaching their desired goals and are able to implement their strategy at different stages of their lives when they face new challenges. If you can do that on your own, more power to you. For others, it is not so easy and I thought I would outline some steps to help people set their goals and ultimately realize them. The steps I outline below are derived from Solution Focused Therapy and have a long-proven track record of effectiveness.


Step 1: Clarify the goal as simply and clearly as possible and make sure it is in a positive form. For instance, if a person states that their goal is to "stop being depressed" then the question they need to answer is what would they be instead? If they are able to reframe the sentence into something like "I'd be happy more often" then I need to know what "being happy" means to them. Happiness can look quite a bit different to each person.


Step 2: Once the goal is formed, it can be broken down into attainable parts. If we stick with our "be happy" goal, just as an example, then I might ask the individual what they would be doing, thinking, and feeling if they were happier. It 's important to break it down into these three categories because they cover just about all the bases in our experiential life. For instance one might say, "I'd be waking up easily and ready to face my day. I'd be thinking about something in my day that I know I usually enjoy, and I'd be feeling calm about the tasks that lay before me."


Step 3: Begin to notice the moments in your life when you are actually doing, thinking or feeling the ways you have articulated that you would like to be (doing, thinking and feeling) something. You will be searching for the exceptions to feeling depressed even if they are few and far between. At the soonest possible moment, after you notice the exception, write it down and answer the doing, thinking, feeling question in writing as well. Noticing the exception is a bit like exercising a muscle. If we can determine the circumstances that lead to your doing more of your stated goal, then they will be easier to recreate. In the same way we focus our exercise routine, the more repetitions, the stronger the muscle.


Step 4: Begin to consciously and deliberately do the things that you have learned that create your desired goal. You can then start to do more of what is already working. Recognizing that the picture is not all bleak is an important step towards feeling empowered to actually meet your goals.


Keep in mind that these steps can be implemented for many different types of goals and can be done on your own or with the help of a therapist.


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Displaying comments 5-1 of 5
5
It sounds like setting a goal and sticking to it throughout your day and keeping track of how you are progressing is a good way to establish a new habit and learn a new habit pattern. When accomplishments are written down, this also gives a tremendous push to the little train that could. I suggest keeping a 2 month calendar at least, of daily things you did that were a success, and of things that seem to set you back. Daily review your goal. At the end of the week, look at your calendar and see where improvements can be made to get you to your goal. But only work on 1 or 2 improvements/ habits a week, or however long it takes - maybe a month- to set some healthy patterns. By then, you will see success and and be confident in your ability for more success. Then you can choose the next step on your ladder to your goal. I have found that big rewards work for me, something I can look forward to tangibly, and plan for and think about. But it has to be frequent, like every weekend. The reward works wonders.
Also, what helps me, is to set a date for the reward, and have it be a true reward that you would not have been able to obtain if it hadn't been for your working at the goal! Use it as a dangling carrot. What is good is to set that date of celebration and to invite someone to celebrate with you. Then, the date is set. But choose a patient person, one who is flexible. It may take a while to achieve the goal, and the date may have to be pushed back a few times.
By OwlJulie  Jul 31, 2008
4
My newest goal is to declutter my house. Talk about overwhelming. I have SOOOO much stuff. Literally, every corner of every room is full of "stuff". I'm tired of it. It's depressing. I'm one of those people that want it done NOW and I want it ALL done NOW. so, needless to say, I get frustrated and depressed which leads to nothing getting done. I have started decluttering my bedroom today though. I have one garbage bag full of clothes to donate already and many many more to go. When I look around the house I realize that one bag is just a grain of sand compared to what I need to accomplish. I keep reminding myself that I have to start somewhere and it WILL NOT happen in one day. I need to stop being so hard on myself. Not sure why I'm like that... but I am. Any further suggestions or inspiration would be appreciated. Have a great day.
By hugzygrl  Jun 15, 2008
3
I'm going to see if a couple people can help me set some goals. I find it very difficult to figure out on my own. I also get very overwhelmed because as stated in the other comment here, it usually requires a lot of small tasks to accomplish even just one goal and I get overwhelmed by that.
By Neremite  Jun 15, 2008
2
Thank you.
By looloo  Jun 13, 2008
1
I used to teach people how to set goals and break them down into doable tasks. Unfortunately, the DS goal format doesn't allow for this in any detail. I've sent in suggestions to correct this, but I guess it's easier to put constructive suggestions into file 13 than to actually make changes. Too bad because getting encouragement from my friends would be nice, but when dealing with complicated goals that take many small tasks to accomplish means a new goal has to be set up for each task, thus making it more difficult to track. Heck, we are even severely limited as to the number of characters with which we can describe our goal. So I do my goals off line using Covey's goal forms.
By wistful1347  Jun 10, 2008
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