Widows & Widowers Support Group

It's sad when something like that happens when you have enough
dealing with your husband's loss. This is just my opinion, but sounds
like they don't care one way or the other how you are feeling.
You are probably doing the right thing with washing your hands and
moving on. You don't need anymore stress and pain at this time.
If your daughter has regained a relationship with them, that will
most definitely be beneficial for her. Let her continue.
Dennis

I understand your pain and your decision especially under this time of grief and sadness. You need people around you who will support and give you strength, not drain you emotionally. Your daughter should respect your wishes and you enough to keep your name out of her conversations with them. She does, however, have the right to decide for herself who she wants to spend time with. I know that it's hard and feels like a betrayal to you, but I think it will be better in the long run if you allow her to make her own decision about them. There comes a time in our life where we have to allow our children to follow their own judgement and the consequences that follow.
You can tell her you aren't interested in hearing about them or her visits with them. She owes you that much. I hope things work out in this time of turmoil. Sharon

I can relate. I am having difficulty relating to my stepson and his family and I feel very rejected. I wish it wasn't like this, but they have very little time for me unless they want something. It is a complicated issue that makes me feel bad but if that's the way they want it, then so be it. I will continue to try but have no real expectations. You know I hate to say this,(but I will) it seems similar to divorice in some ways.

My husband was not really involed with his main family, it was mostly with his step-mother, but that's another story. We lost his mom to bladder cancer this past March after a 4 year battle, so they too are still grieving. So his step-dad stays close but his two surving sisters, have rejioned their lives and that's just fine with me. Although they like to think that they knew their brother they really didn't.So I no longer have to hold them up, when I'm grieving so hard myself. So just let them go their own way, your daughter will eventually see things for what they are, and return to you on her own.

I'm sorry to hear what is happening. As widowed spouses we suffer so many layers of loss. Unfortunately, struggles with our spouse's family after loss seems to be a frequent theme I have heard from other widowed people as well. The lines are more clearly drawn in a divorce situation than when there is a death. After my husband died I tried tirelessly to be there for my husband's family, my mother-in-law in particular. After all, she had lost her son. Finally I could no longer take the nastiness and selfishness. I came to the point where I had to accept that my husband's family resented that I was alive when their beloved son/brother/uncle had died. How dare I move forward and live again! I backed away, drew healthy boundaries in my life, and accepted that I am no longer a member of my husband's family. It's sad when we share so many memories together, but people make choices even in grief as to how they want to handle their feelings and actions towards others. The best thing you can do is accept and move forward into the new life you are building.

I've not seen nor heard from my in-laws since two days after my husband passed away. (His brother drove 300 miles to see if my husband still had his motorcycle. I lied and said he'd sold it.) They sent flowers to the funeral, but didn't bother to come.

I have been trying very hard to make sure that our kids maintain a relationship with Lances family. It is still very strained though. I have to agree with Caroline 02. It is like we were divorced. It is very difficult to understand. I found out purely by accident that my father in law had a stint put in back in September NO ONE bothered to let us know. If something had happened to him we probably would have read it in the obituary. My mother-in - law lives 10 minutes from us and the last time we saw her was at Easter. She doesn't even call the kids to see how they are. It really aggravates me. Sure she is grieving the loss of her son but she should be ashamed of herself for turning her back on her sons children because it makes HER sad. These kids lost their dad. Like the others have said this seems to be a fairly common thing. You are right that they don't need to know anything about you but if the kids want to have a relationship with them we need to let them. Someday they will understand more. You need to take care of you and putting distance between you or even washing you hands of them is sometimes necessary. I wish you the best in this.

Reading all of these postings make me feel lucky. My husband parents have always treated me well. They have come to visit even more since Rick died and they been super generous and help out in any way they can. I care about them and they care about me. They will be my family forever!

I still get angry thinking about the way my husband's family treated me. I would let your daughter see them if that is her wish and desire, but as others have said I would not want to be brought up in their conversation or let them know what you are doing or even how you are doing. If they wanted to know they would call you themselves. I have completely accepted the fact that I will never hear from my husband's family again and I must go on with my life without them. It is a shame that we are dealing with so much loss at one time. Not only our loved one, but a lot of others as well. I wish you the very best!

Unfortunately, people are going to talk, it's up to us to answer or not. Your daughter is an adult and chooses to have them in her life. It's hard, I know. But maybe you can ask her to not give information about you to anyone. If they are interested, they know where to find you.