Widows & Widowers Support Group

My husband always told me not to make any decisions for at least a year, if something were to happen to him. I am in a position that I can afford to stay here but I am wondering if I'll be able to handle everything I need to do.(physcially) I find peace here, this is what we both worked for and it is home. However, I am sure I will need to re-evaluate circumstances as time goes by. I think a lot of it depends upon where life's path leads you. Making a hasty decision (if it isn't necessary) may be regretted. Right now, I find comfort in the memories even when they make me feel sad. The last thing I would want to do is to try and erase these memories although I'm sure there will be a point in time when my focus will be towards the future.

I plan to move next year. Walking around that empty house makes me sad. Besides, things are starting to break down and it is just too much for me. It's no fun anymore. Is that lame??????

Our house has caused both sadness and comfort. I think at some point before too long I will have to try and move. The house is becoming too hard for me to take care of as it is old and requires repair. Even though my son tries to help, it is still difficult.

Luckily we are able to stay in our home. It's hard sometimes, because I expect him to walk in the room or his empty favorite chair. little things. I do plan on moving one day. My daughter wants me to move close to her when they move up north in a year or so. i am ready for a change.

I am planning on moving within the next year. We had talked about down sizing and maybe moving to the Carolinas. The house is becoming just too much of a burden between the pool and all of the maintenance. Plus it is depressing in here without him. I am already dreading the sorting and packing after 16 years in the same house.

I just had to move out of our shared condo today. I stayed there for the two months since he died. At first it was very sad, but it brought me comfort to have his clothing around and the food in the freezer he had bought, etc. His pj pants were right on the floor where he had dropped them. Then I started making it more my own place, and that was good too. Eventually it felt less sad; I stopped looking for him.

But today I was forced to leave by his nasty brother who just happens to be the executor. You'd think someone just crowned him king. He is, for some reason, grieving by being angry and taking that anger out on me. I'm the outsider, and he sure is letting me know that that's how he regards me.

So, I packed up all my things and left. I had last night and this morning to say my good-byes. I cried a lot and had a generally bad day. But now that's behind me, and hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. I thought about trying to buy the place, but I think I want a fresh start.

I feel so lucky that I can stay if I wish. I can't imagine being forced out of my home or having to sell for financial reasons on top of all the other stress. I will stay for now. Who has the energy to move. But there are days when being responsible for everything weighs me down. I don't want to be a slave to my house.

We had just moved cross-country and bought another home 8 months before my husband passed away. We had already downsized from 13 rooms to 7. I couldn't move again for at least 5 years without losing a ton of money....and I don't have the energy for it anyway. Some days the house gives me comfort, other days sadness, and still on other days, I wonder how the hell I got here in the first place, feeling connected and disconnected at the same time. Our HOME is 700 miles away and belongs to someone else now.

It is very difficult though to handle both my chores and his and work outside the house. But I will stay here as long as I can physically handle it.

I can relate to RiverBends, as we had just built a home and moved in before some of the outside grading, painting, etc., was completed. When my husband died (6 months after moving), I had to finish the house before I could even consider what to do with. It took me another year to have everything done that my husband would have done in 1 month. Right after the funeral it wasn't high on my priority list. There is a great deal of outside work that I had to become accustom to and that was a huge source of grief for me, but, gratefully, I became more comfortable in the situation. I tried to be creative and find shortcuts to almost every chore. Now after 4 years, I take it as it comes. I know that sometime in the future I will be unable to care for this much lawn (I mow about 3 acres) and other challenging things that go with living in the country. I have learned to be really patient with my expectations. For now, I am comfortable being here and will just deal with the adjustments as they arrive. What else can we really do? Blessings. TJ

I am staying in my house for at least 5 more years raising my son. Really with all the changes in my life I don't want to add to the changes by moving. Our home is the only place I feel really good. Could not imagine moving on top of everything else. It's a pretty big house and a big yard, but it keeps me busy and I guess that is a good thing.