Widows & Widowers Support Group

Steve, I am so sorry for your loss. I understand about the birthday, anniversary, and the holidays. It's so hard to go through all the "firsts". You are in the early stages of grief, so your reactions are entirely normal. Many of us go on the "roller coaster" emotional thing for many months. It will be a year for me in December, and I can say it does get better; the pain is always there, but it gets more manageable with time. Have you considered having counselling or joining a grief support group near you? That helps a lot of people. Don't expect too much of yourself after such a short time; there is no timeline on grief, and everyone has to go at their own pace. This site is full of wonderful, caring people who have all lost our loved ones, and we understand. You will find a lot of support here; you are not alone. laurabp

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. Do not feel like you are all alone. We have all been there and have felt the same way at some stage. I was in a numb state of shock for several months after my husband passed away. It is going on two years this month and now I am just starting to feel like I can accept his loss and try to find my new 'normal'.
It is important to understand that you will always have a special place for your wife. You are the person you are now because she was so much a part of it. Be happy for the times that you shared with her and cherish those days that made you smile.
I have heard people say losing a spouse is like starting out like a newborn baby again. You have to learn to live again in a new way. Day by day and step by step things will get better.
Hang in there. My thoughts and prayers are with you. We are all here for you. - Tammy

Steve, I am sorry for your loss. I also took care of my husband for 9 years with a heart disease, I felt empty for a long time after he died. I was so use to taking care of him, i lost my identity. I am slowy trying to look forward to the future on my own. I am here for you if you would like to talk. Big Hug,Sharon

Hi Steve,
I am so sorry that you lost your wife too. What you describe is so common for the first months and even though no words can help at this time, it does get bearable eventually. Just knowing that some day some how it would get easier was what I needed early on when my heart was broken and the pain was so raw.

I cried an ocean and the waves of grief were so powerful that I was sure I would drown. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and forced myself to move forward.

Please hang in there and come here often as there are so many others who know how you feel and who are surviving one day at a time too.

I wish there was a way to help, but only working through the moments one moment at a time will help you find rays of hope and rays of sunshine farther down your path.

Hang in there....

Many hugs..
-Diana

Steve,
All I can say is that you are still very early into your grief journey. For me it has been 7 months and I am just starting to fing my new identity. One very special thing I have learned from friends here on ds is that we can actually become better persons through our loss, but it take time and there are no shortcut. Don't expect too much too soon from yourself and take time to grieve.
God Bless
Bill

Steve, the anniversaries and holidays are rough to get through when the pain is unrelenting. I'm glad that you found Daily Strength on the Web. The years that you spent caring for your Faye has taken a toll on your emotional strength. Be kind to yourself and be looking for brighter days ahead. They will arrive at a time when you least expect them. Blessings to you. TJ

Hi Steve,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to cancer 6 mos ago & the hardest thing for me has been learning to let go of the life we shared & begin anew on my own. It is a very lonely road & there are times when it just doesn't seem possible but please be patient with yourself. Everything you are feeling is normal. You have suffered a tremendous loss & it's going to take time to come to terms with, find yourself, happiness again & begin to look up. I never thought I could ever begin to heal & get over this but thanks to the wonderful support I found on this site, I am doing better now.
You will too. I know it seems like there is no light at the end of this tunnel, but you're hurting & that masks the light that you will eventually come to find within yourself. Take out your frustrations here. Everyone knows how difficult this journey is & they will never judge you, only offer their experiences & words of encouragement.

Wishing you all the best..
Hugs, Cyndi

Steve: You have come to the right place for support. The next many months will be very difficult but I am here to tell you that you can get through this. I lost my wife a little over one year ago and she was my true, true soul mate. I was very lucky in that she taught me several lessons which helped me to not only cope well with my grief but she also helped me to become open to "moving on" with my life. If you read my two journal entries you will understand the lessons that I learned and you will see why I am now so grateful to her.

I believe that the most important lesson she taught me was that it was OK to set happiness as our goal. You deserve to be happy as you move on with your life and I would encourage you to set that as your goal. This will not and cannot happen quickly but if you set this as your goal and accept that it is OK to be happy then your future life decisions will become much easier. Your wife wants you to be happy and you will honor her by striving to become happy.

If you have any issues you would like to discuss I will be here if you think I can help. Bless you ... Tom

Hi Steve, Welcome to DS, although I am sure we wish we were here under other circumstances. You have found a great place to find support and to help you along this unwanted journey. I am saddened that your wife had to endure such a long battle, but I am sure she stayed to be with you. It is a very hard and unfortunate situation. Trust me that you are going to go through a roller coaster of emotions and feel as is this new life is worth _____. When I lost my husband I thought I was going to be a little more prepared, because his cancer was so advanced. I knew death was coming, but still after he passed I was thrown into a pool of hell. Like a deep tunnel that seemed impossible to come out of. Death is not easy, but for whatever reason we are here. try to take things little by little it is just beginning but you have to trust in life. go through the motions, you have to climb back up, no matter how long it takes. You have to go through the motions of grief whether you want to or not. Also, let your new friends here help you out as well. take care and one more thing, it isn't so bad once you come out.

Steve, This site is just such a blessing to those going through grief. I am truly sorry for your loss - it is the most difficult thing you will ever face in life I believe. There is no easy road and there are no shortcuts. People's journal entries give great suggestions and insights we have all learned about what to expect and how to get through the long and hard road we are each faced with here. God bless and let us know any questions you have. My DW died after a short 5mths of nasty tyroid cancer in June this year. The best therapy is can suggest is some good literatture on grieving. The best I read is called Getting to the Other Side of Grief. John