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This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life aft...
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Boomerang
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I know this has been discussed many times before, but I'll bring it up again. In the beginning of this week I thought I was doing great, and now I'm back in the pits again. It always surprises me how that happens. When the pain strikes again, it is powerful because of its unexpected quality.
I'm also dealing with many other ugly issues. I wasn't married to Mike, but we shared a condo for two years and a life for 8 years. We were planning a wedding in summer '10. He left his brother as executor; first he contested the will, claiming that Mike died intestate, and now he's become even more of a despot. He becomes official today, and he is forcing me to move out. I have no real legal rights. It's all so ugly, and really not what I need right now. It makes my grief so much harder. He and Mike's daughter came into the condo and were claiming that there should be more "personal effects." LOL It surprises me how little they knew him. He did not have many material possessions. They are disappointed by that, and have asked my attorney if perhaps I have "a box" of his things someplace. Good Grief. Posted on 11/05/09, 01:11 pm |
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They should be so ashamed of themselves. I am so sorry you have to go thru all that. I'd be tempted to go to a thrift store, buy some "personal effects" and hand it to them just to get them to shut up! Keeping you in my prayers. Hugs,
Jill 
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loveandgrace, you are getting a one-two punch from outside sources. Not only are you grieving for the loss of your loved one, but now you are put in a position of having to defend yourself to others. Are his children giving you time to make other living arrangements? Did they treat you in this disparingly way when Mike was alive? How sad he would be to see his children have so little compassion for the one he loved and with whom he shared his life.
It seems like your only alternative is to be as kind as possible to them, in spite of their current treatment of you. Kindness often times can be the great equalizer and may soften their hearts toward you. Sometimes grief can be demonstrated as anger. This could be so in their case, and the outlet for that anger is you. Please keep us posted. We care. TJ
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Greed can really made some people do anything. I am so sorry you are being treated like an outsider. I have discovered that people who don't understand our grief also have never felt our kind of love for another person.
I also like Jill's idea if they keep after you about his things. I have come to the conclusion they are just that things. They are not him and will never bring him back. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Love and Hugs, Diane
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I always thought that my stepkids were great; but once their Dad passed they got very mean to me and became like vultures! I can so empathize with you!!!!!!!!! It is not you, it is them and yes, they should be ashamed of themselves!
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I understand what you are going through. My husband's children did not even speak to me at the funeral services. They are grown some are even older than I. We had been married almost 30 years and their disdain for me never lessened. I may be losing our home because i cannot make the mortgage payments. I am waiting to see if the mortgage company will modify the loan. I always told my husband it did not matter that he could not get life insurance that I did not want to stay in the house without him. I never realized how painful this was going to be and how much comfort I would get from our home. Sandy
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loveandgrace, I'm sorry for what you're dealing with after what you've been through. My guess is once you're out of there, you will be able to find some peace. It sounds as though they're very disappointed the estate isn't larger.
Death is a topic many of us try to avoid because it is uncomfortable and we want to believe we have plenty of time to take care of business. It is very important to discuss these issues so at least there is some understanding (and agreement) so there aren't any surprises like the one you've been dealt. It is amazing that when there is a death, how personalities change and there is such mistrust. If the daughter didn't have a good relationship with the father, this could explain some of it. It is unfortunate you are in the middle of this, it is possible it may be less about you than you think. Anyway, I wish you all the best and hope you find the strength to get through this very unpleasant situation.
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